I don't know what you guys have planned for Valentine's Day, but I am going to be parked in front of my TV in rapt attention to what is sure to be the most amazing program of the year. Let's get some of that press release action!
This Valentine's Day, February 14th at 10pm ET/PT on Discovery Channel, Locomotive Entertainment Group will premiere Tyrannosaurus Sex. The one-hour special explores the mysteries, wonders and newest evidence surrounding ritual courtship and mating habits of dinosaurs. How did a ferocious T-Rex woo his lady? How did a female Titanosaur support the weight of a male who was as long as a four-story building is high? How did a Stegosaurus couple negotiate sex with all those deadly plates and spikes?...Normally I would liveblog this for you but, given my ever-expanding frame and rapidly approaching date with extinction, I think it probably more important that I take notes. I hope they cover blowjobs!Tyrannosaurus Sex doesn't just answer the questions, it shows dinosaur sex in all its glory with state-of-the-art CGI animation. The scenes created for the special are all based on fact. Interviews with scientists on the cutting-edge of palaeontology bring new life to one of the last mysteries of these mighty giants.
You know what they say about small hands...
small ... brain?
The segment on Bukkakeasaurus is pretty fantastic
Speaking of blowjobs: Do dinosaurs have knees?
Dunno. But they don't have carpal tunnel!
really.... no teeth....
Also: I'm admittedly not completely up-to-date on paleontological findings, but this is not at all true, right?
"one of the last mysteries of these mighty giants."
Yabba dabba do.
Open the door, get on the floor,
Everybody do the dinosaur.
Boom boom acka-lacka.
This is the best press release since the one Homestead did for The Frogs' "It's Only Right and Natural."
I want to watch it just to see how they render the Tyrannasaurus O-Face.
I want to learn Dino Style!
Ha, "Locomotive Entertainment Group."
I am legitimately excited for this.
Sorry Barry White, but this show will soon be my new "go-to-late-night-entertainment-to-make-the-lady-drop-her-pretty-pink-panties."
There's a punch for that.
I know, I have that too. I like having a stacked deck.
Heh heh, "stacked deck," heh heh...
I enjoyed the use of rapt.
If they were so good at fucking, how come they are extinct?
because they smoked...
oh all the porn name potential, I'll start.
Jurassic Pork
Ty-ram-asaurus Sex
Land of the Lust
Pterodicktyl?
Bronto-whore-us*
*(I know this is not etymologically correct)
The Land That Time Forgot - In Bed.
A-Pat-A-Sore-Ass
Velocirapetor?
There's always the classic - Lickalotapus
Debbie Does a Diplodocus
Debbie Does Dinos
JINX!
TriceraTops v. Bottomsaurus
'Ginasaurs
Dinosaur Sorority Slut Banging.
The Try-ass-ic Period
This is like 94% of my Val's Day wishes come true!
A date with extinction is still a date!
An orgasm 65 million years in the making...
Suck on that, STING.
Do you think the velociraptors were spitters or swallowers?
Biters.
Ugh, try getting them to cut their nails once in awhile.
Yabba dabba doo!
Only remaining question: Will Mike Rowe narrate?! This will help the romance.
"Don't struggle or resist, you'll only delay evolution."
Well, fruit bat oral sex just got blown out of the water.
The money shots will be, well, EPIC.
Also, I am surprised this doesn't already exist somewhere in Japanese fetish circles.
It's as if no one here was ever a part of the The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer's Association.
"Greetings fellow tyrannophiles! It would seem that once again Valentine's Day has come upon us. To mark this special occasion we are giving away ten free copies of the official IJPEFFWA's award winning compilation book "Fangs and Wangs" to the first members who send us an amusing hand drawn picture of what they and their loved one would look like if they were two brachiosaurs being fisted by Jeff Goldblum. Don't forget to include those SASE's, people!
"A love that never grows extinct"