Monday, January 4th, 2010

You're Damn Right There's A G-Spot

Why not?Ya hear about that study out of Kings College London which claims that there's no such thing as "the G-spot"? "The elusive erogenous zone said to exist in some women may be a myth, say researchers who have hunted for it." Lemme tell ya something, ladies: That study is bunk.

Here's the deal: Not only does the G-spot exist, it is very easily found. What the researchers failed to note, perhaps because they didn't ask the right people, is that there are certain folks who are WAY BETTER at finding it than others. And you know who I'm talking about. A study conducted over a period of several years by me shows that when the G-spot explorer comes from a certain cluster of categories-ethnically both Italian and Jewish, quick with a deprecatory remark, displaying a remarkable ability to turn any bit of faux-scientific news into material for a blogpost no matter how hackneyed the joke, 5'9", piercing brown eyes, dark-complected, of depressive tendencies, showing little regard for fashion or ironing, averse to exercise, jittery and dyspeptic-there is 100% success in G-spot location, often several times in the same session. That's right, I got yer magic G-spot finder RIGHT HERE. [Clutches crotch.] Thank you for your attention.

76 Comments / Post A Comment

elecampane (#1,877)

Never has the UK variant "pressurise" seemed so dirty as in the I'M NOT DEFENSIVE AT ALL scientist's comment.
Has anyone ever seen Balk & Tristan Taormino in the same place?

elecampane (#1,877)

"firm believers"

mathnet (#27)

I've been thinking about your GERD, Alex, and here's what I came up with: maybe all that V-8 is too acidic for your system.

jolie (#16)

I challenge the rest of the readership to come up with a more troubling statement than "I've been thinking about your GERD, Alex."

mathnet (#27)

"Oh, right, the underpants bomber."

kneetoe (#1,881)

I hear guys with really small units are like magic when it comes to finding the g-spot. Anyone else hear that?

I have always heard that when a man tells you he loves giving oral it's code for he has a small penis.


Oh, come on! You expect us to buy this without first verifying the results?

garge (#736)

The angle of entry can also be a sufficient condition, if you are lacking, say, the Jewness or happen to rock an iron.

HiredGoons (#603)

"I fake it all the time."

jolie (#16)

Is there a term for that "DON'T TOUCH ME" recoil that happens immediately after an A+ orgasm? (You don't grade yours?) Because I'd like to use it to challenge this "often several times in the same session" nonsense La Balk is spewing, the mere notion of which is making my left eye do that sucking-on-a-lemon-after-a-whaterver-shot-it-is-that-requires-one-to-suck-on-a-lemon wince thing.

Right?! I've always thought this multiple amazing orgasms thing was bs, because after one awesome one it's all, "ACK DON'T TOUCH ME! SO SENSITIVE!"
Whereas if it's like a C- level situation, sometimes there's the possibility for another C/C+ afterward. But in this area of the world, it's def a quality over quantity thing.

jolie (#16)

Thank you for helping me to feel less alone in this world.

Yay! Sisterhood! And it's tough because the dudes sometimes think you can go on for days after the first one, and won't stop touching/sexing you! And then there's the batting away of the hand/face and/or pelvis and the automatic response of making that same sucking-in-air-in-pain noise you make when you burn your finger on the stove… and then sometimes they STILL give it another try, and you have to be like "NO! OW!"
Ugh, I need to get laid.

kneetoe (#1,881)

And you need to stop burning your finger on the stove.

jolie (#16)


HiredGoons (#603)

'skirt steak.'

kneetoe (#1,881)

Cli-maxed out? My wife is afflicted with it as well, but I keep trying to cure her (just kidding, I'm, um, sensitive to the situation).

jolie (#16)

@HiredGoons: EEWWWW!!! (Hilarious.)

@kneetoe (twice!) But how else am I supposed to feel feelings? And excellent term! Beats "overstimulated."

HiredGoons (#603)

@jolie: "you've got blue balls? We'll I've got skirt steak, so foreddaboudit."

It works, really and truly it does.

zidaane (#373)

You can get around this by combining the g-spot with a vulcan nerve pinch. Then you need to reset the whole system with some nipple tweaks and you're good to go.

Sorry, didn't mean to get all Cosmo message board in here, but if "blue balls" is a term, this should be, too.

jolie (#16)

I feel we're being informative.

I think it's a phrase, not a word: "Nyeh. Nyeh-eh-eh-EH. Nynynynynynyny!

Tulletilsynet (#333)

Yes, there is a word for that.

"Annoying" is the word you are looking for.

Skirt steak shmirt steak.

"refractory period"

BTW, this is sooooooooo annoyingly British:

"The women in the study, who were all pairs of identical and non-identical twins, were asked whether they had a G-spot."

"Were asked."

We had a guest speak in college, a *professional* sex researcher. She had a lab, and she made her own transparent dildo with a built-in camera. She would get in there and root around. *That* is research. Not, "pardon me, madame, but did you happen to notice anything peculiar about your privates?"

kneetoe (#1,881)

Wonder Woman just found out where her dildo went.

datn (#2,852)

Yes. Thank you. They should have noticed that when younger, more sexually active women were likelier to claim having a G-spot that maybe there was something up with their methodology.

The Lone Scout (#2,934)

Agreed. I would rather help them root around for their G-spot with my personal laboratory equipment than merely ask them about it.

PS When asked, many probably responded, "No G-spot, please, we're British."

dado (#102)

The spot is best found via the "venus butterfly" technique.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

Nobody would care about that technique if it weren't for L.A. Law. Feh.

katiebakes (#32)


Matt (#26)


HiredGoons (#603)

I'm gay, and even I* can find it.

*(experimented in college)

Rod T (#33)

While you're at it, can someone please explain to me why women like anal sex? Without a prostate, what is the point? Seriously, I think y'all ladies are just trying to keep your men happy.

Jasmine (#8)

Obviously oversharing by answering this at all, but it's something that comes up over and OVER with my gays. Anal sex makes me feel like I'm REALLY being fucked. It's a good: this is my body, take it hard kind of feeling.

There's also something to the concentration/focus you need to have in order for said anal sex to not be uncomfortable/painful to begin with. That, of course, applies to those who only practice it on an irregular basis I suppose…

Also: G-spots do, 100% exist. That study is bullocks.

jolie (#16)

This comment just made me blush. (Can I have your number?)

kneetoe (#1,881)

Me too. And me too.

Jasmine (#8)

Hi! Thanks ladies! I could have gone on about the G-spot thing but think I'd have to do it under an annonymous commenter ID or something. That's an eensy bit too personal….

hazmathilda (#839)

Ditto! Yes! (and also I'm less likely to space out during) but while we're oversharing, of course your mileage may vary depending on the guy buttsexing you because my first time just basically felt like reverse pooping :-(

HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

Nicely said; I'll probably quote you at some point because I'm often asked this, too! I'm certainly not doing it just to please my man – although of course that's nice blah blah yeah whatever.

And as for the G-spot, I thought it was a myth myself until I took Jarvis Cocker's advice and got myself an older lover, baby. "Teach ya stuff" doesn't even BEGIN to explain it.

elecampane (#1,877)

Tristan Taormino is much better at explaining it (with recourse to anatomical charts) than I would be, but "optimal G-spot stimulation" is a good short answer. Pillowbiters ftw.

iplaudius (#1,066)

"No matter how hackneyed the joke" hits the G-spot here.

1,800 women were in "subjective" disagreement about something having to do with sex?!

Staggering. Unheard of.

You know what body part I suspect really doesn't exist? "The Isles of Langerhans."

I mean, it just sounds so made up, doesn't it? Like "The Mountains of Moria" or something.

Makes no vas deferens either way.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

That joke was old when Edwin Newman made it. And I mean that as high praise.

But damn that MI6 is good. Instead of waging major war every time something embarrassing is about to come out in the news (Malvinas!) they have figured out a way to keep all those couples preoccupied for at least a month or two. Considering general British twitishness, maybe many, many months.

mathnet (#27)

"Oh, that's on 47th Street."

*dripping sarcasm* "Well, thanks a lot."

HiredGoons (#603)

This just made me gayer.

LondonLee (#922)

Now I'm going to be thinking about Gary Numan next time I have sex. Thanks!

Flashman (#418)

There's only one place where it's appropriate to be thinking about Gary Numan whilst having sex.

HelloTitty (#830)

Here in my car.

Bittersweet (#765)

Hey, it's the only way to live.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

5'9"? Umm, I just remembered I left an unfinished comment on another blog. I'll be back in a few minutes. I promise.

garge (#736)

My mind's eye has something in it.


I rely on google maps to get me there.

cherrispryte (#444)

I am tempted to create a new, completely anonymous commenter name in order to more fully comment on this post.

Legs Battaglia (#2,484)

I don't believe that hymens exist, but g-spots? yes, yes, most definitely.

garge (#736)

I always thought that hymens became extinct after the advent of the super plus tampon, but I don't have a science background.

Annaletha (#2,803)

Not surprisingly when I attempted to use one of those said tampons before I had sex, I had the worst time getting it out. Never used one again until after sex. It was definitely still there. Ow.

I've heard this book:

is chock full of useful information.

slinkimalinki (#182)

may or may not have one? but other places feel better? alleged location just makes me feel like "ok, now i need to pee"? which is ok but annoying?

Annaletha (#2,803)

I know where the g-spot is. And it's, in my experience, overrated. But, now here's the shocker, that could be because each woman is wired differently. I know, crazy idea. Still, humor me. Every other woman I've talked to has different experiences with it. The problem comes in assuming that it absolutely has to be the same on every single woman. I've been in agony so many times during sex because my partner didn't believe me about something and I was too nice to try to persuade them otherwise.

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