There are very few people who deserve some measure of fame for appearing on reality TV. Johnny Weir, for one, clearly. And also New York fashion publicist Kelly Cutrone. So here's a very limited (and slightly rough) transcript of Bravo's press conference call today, in anticipation of her reality show "Kell on Earth" next month. (See also: how your tabloid sausage quotes get made!)
Q. You've been noted for not wearing makeup on television. Has that been a conscious choice?
A. My whole thing is I'm busy, I'm a single mom, I'm working. I'm not an actress. The truth of the matter is, you know, with the exception of my mother, most people who know me know I don't look great in makeup. When I was younger I was into it. You know, people have strong connotations of what women on television should say and what they should wear and how they should look. And I'm just not into it. The Bravo shot of me on the couch? It looks like I had sex with Heather Locklear and five margaritas.
Q. You've become sort of a feminist figure on television.
I never thought of myself as a feminist because I believe in equality. I'm more of an ancient feminist than a modern feminist. I believe in the goddesses. I like that whole warrior tribal thing. I'm happy. There aren't that many strong women on TV. Even if you look at Sex and the City…. if you look at women on television… Sarah Jessica Parker's character is obsessed with Mr. Big and Kim Cattrall is getting banged 20 times a day.
Q. (Life and Style Weekly) I see you're writing your first book. I love the title. (If You Have To Cry, Go Outside.)
A. That's a rule that we have here.
Q. In what way?
A. We have a lot of young kids, girls, they've been set up to believe they're God's gift. And they can't take a phone message! So when things are moving fast, me or Robin or Emily will swoop down on them and rip it. Not messing around. That causes them to get fired immediately or want to cry. On top of not being able to accomplish tasks, next thing you know you're going to have to comfort them… This is a book for the village girl and the gay boy.
Q. (Futoncritic.com) I wanted to know with such a stressful job… what's the appeal of having all that filmed?
A. The appeal? For us? To have cameras in the office? First of all it gives us the ability to distribute our message… to the homes of America. That's appealing. It gives us an incredible platform to communicate. We're storytellers.
Q. In the first episode, Kelly, you say you're all hookers. I want to know if [your business partners] Robin and Emily agree.
Robin: This is Robin. I agree in some aspects. We're here to provide for someone… and we get paid for it.
Q. (Us Weekly) Hi Kelly-
Kelly: You Twittered about me this morning!
Q. Did you see that yourself?
Kelly: Yeah, no, I have other people to do that for me. Um, what are you talking about?
Q. Did producers have a talk with you about language?
Kelly: I had a talk with myself about language. I'm trying to rethink the use of the f-bomb.
Q. Have you replaced it with any other choice words then?
Kelly: Yeah. [Laughs uproariously.] Well. I say a lot of bad words.
Q. How do you differentiate what goes on The Hills and on your show?
Kelly: Well, on The Hills, I'm on with a bunch of blonde girls. And on this one I'm on with a bunch of black-haired girls…. We're not fluttering around here.
Q. (Denver Post) (Useful question about how the agency actually does their jobs as publicists. And:) How do you deal with crashers and seat-changers?
Kelly: I mean… You'll see on the show I do not have a lot of patience for crashers. It happens a lot at Bryant Park… It makes me crazy when they clog up the line. Those front row seats end up costing like 3- to 500 dollars. Those are the money seats. All of a sudden I've got Guy Trebay standing there, who is really lovely-but he'll just split. I don't want to be the person standing backstage getting fired because Women's Wear Daily or the New York Times reviewer just left because they couldn't find a seat…. I also do my new favorite thing, the walk-away. When people are just trying to convince me and I just walk away…. Also the slide… where you just don't say anything. And just slide away.
Q. (AllHeadlineNews) You touched on earlier some of the names you're called… and your reputation being very scary to work for. Is that something you play up… for the cameras?
Kelly: I don't think I do either, I just am who I am. Sometimes I am hell on wheels. I've been doing this a really really long time and I'm a for-profit company. I'm not a college professor. I'm thinking about opening a college! This is a joke. And I'll start charging interns to work here.
Q. Since your company is so big into fashion, and you're into it too, but not all about wearing it-
Kelly: Speak for yourself! I'm wearing Martin Margiella but just because you don't know that….
Q. What's your recurring trend in the fashion scene?
Kelly: I'm not into trends.
Q. (Popstar.com) Is there anything you've learned from interns?
Kelly: From our interns? I've learned that I don't want to send my daughter to college.
Q. This goes back to what you said earlier about bloggers writing under a different name and shooting things off on a BlackBerry…. I'm kind of astounded by what some of these, I don't know what you call them, new generation bloggers do… I call them "the dopey bloggers." How do you think this is going to pan out?
Kelly: I think that, the media as we know it, the world that we knew 5 or 10 years ago, just does not exist any more. It's like being in the middle of an apocalypse and a new dawn. It is just so huge what's happening. I think it's the wild wild west and it's free game and who would have thought we'd pay five dollars for a coffee and get our news for free?… People just cut and paste-can you imagine if the Daily News could cut and paste off the New York Times? It's like a joke. Pretty much what everyone's saying is just the same thing over and over again. But my fear is that Twitter is the new American literature. Or I can only watch things on the Internet for 30 seconds, because that's all the viewer's going to watch on the Internet. It's a very, very bizarre time.