Good news, smokers: You are no longer the group whose disgusting habits put you at the most risk of disease and death! Nope, you've been overtaken by the fatties, whose potato-skin-guzzling ways "now cause as much or more disease than tobacco, and do as much or more to shorten healthy lifespans," according to researchers. So maybe it's time to amp up your smoking a bit: It'll keep you thin, which basically means it's totally healthy!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
21
Fat smokers ftw.
+672
Am I the only person who is made hungry by cigarettes?
The smell of a cigarette reminds me of feeling satisfied after a good meal.
I'm still going with the theory that a bottle of red wine an evening will provide me with all the platelets and anti-oxidants necessary to counteract any negative effects of said nicotine and potato skins. Oh, and coffee, too.
Great, then that second bottle must be twice as good.
Can I start smoking again then? I'm getting sick of Altoids and Skittles.
Smokers still smell like shit though.
Second-hand potato skins are a bitch.
I firmly believe that the increase in obsetity in this country and the rise of the tea-baggers are not unrelated.
And I'm totally serious about this.
I see a co-authored post with Abe in your future.
"Grouchy People from Frozen States are not Amused by Out of Shape Young People These Days."
God damn it.
Unfortunately, when you quit smoking, you're gonna get fat.
As a skinny nonsmoker, let me be the first to say "YOU'RE NEVER GETTING RID OF ME, BITCHES!"
Please tell me what immortality feels like.
I heard it feels better than both food and ciggs taste.
G*ddammit, why didn't you post this on New Year's Eve, before I quit?! Now I'm 4.5 days free of smoking, and starting up again would a) render my four previous days of misery worthless and b) make me sick, at least for the first couple cigarettes.
Phooey.
Please let me know when we are only going to be allowed to be fat outdoors, and when fatties are going to be banned from bars and restaurants. I'll need to start buying more outerwear.
And then the Times can run a late-to-the-party Style piece on how all the cool "nightspots" are letting people be fat indoors. I like the way you think.
I would just like this moment to point out how much hotter this bloated bro is holding a cigarette. If this was just Portrait of Sad Bro with Bottles it would make me sad. But Sad Smoking Bro with Bottles makes it more plaintive and me more aroused. The comment is where I get real about what sort of photography/bros I am into.