Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Barack Obama Is Your New iPad

Where's your messiah now?I had no plans to buy an iPad-I have no plans to ever buy an iPhone, and if I do you are authorized to strike me in the face with something sharp and rusty-so I did not really follow the frenzy of speculation on all the functions what we until very recently referred to as the Apple Tablet might contain. Still, I'm a little taken aback by the immediate and vocal lack of enthusiasm for the product. What does it lack? What was everyone hoping for that did not materialize? This is a very rough thought that I may or may not refine, so take it as such, but the iPad is a lot like Barack Obama: Everyone was able to project their own fantasies and aspirations on a product with which they were mostly unfamiliar, only to sour on it once they realized that it did not live up to their impossible expectations. Only with the iPad it took about seven minutes for the disappointment to set in. I don't know what that says about our accelerated culture or how we confuse hype and excitement for the tangible realities of life, but it says something. I mean, probably. Like I said, I'm still trying to work it all out.

64 Comments / Post A Comment

Banjois (#2,646)

So's he (sub in whatever antecedent you find appropriate).

Rw (#1,458)

The ipad seems basically useless, if you have a iPhone and a computer or laptop what's the point? Seems like overkill.

noilly (#3,193)

No wireless. Less space than a nomad. Lame.

Lane (#2,809)

I see what you did there.

dado (#102)

I felt that way after 10 minutes behind the movie theater with Paulette DiFalco.

saythatscool (#101)

For me? Sarah Muenk. Our braces kept locking up.

Lousy fucking polio.

This Anil Dash thing from today seems related ( I have never and will never buy an Apple product unless they start selling the edible kind and even then they will probably make it way too _________ (someone who actually knows something about technology could fill in a joke here).

Rw (#1,458)

Awesome? Apples are dope, depending on your needs and I have to address some of the hate. If your are an editor or audio engineer or graphic designer etc. Using a (windows) pc is okay if your into that sort of thing, but working everyday with several kinds of machines to edit, encode or design I watch win pcs fail often where apples exel and when you've got a deadline stability matters like a motherfucker. Apples are more often than not rock solid in these areas for a number of reasons and for me this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I didn't say they totally suck or anything, I said I would never buy one, big difference. I am not by any stretch of the imagination a wealthy person and I can never justify the difference in price that it would require to buy one. I'm a musician and when I bought my latest computer, I thought about finally getting a Mac. I had the option of buying an HP laptop for X dollars or buying a Macbook Pro with lower specs for X + $500. I couldn't justify spending that $500 on a pretty computer that would maybe be a little more stable when I could spend that money on guitars and effects and mics and beer, but again, that's just me (I don't buy fancy beer, either, cause the cheap shit still gets me plenty drunk). I've had my HP for over a year and it still performs great (I can see why some musicians would go Mac for Logic, but Ableton is my program so that doesn't matter for me), works noiselessly with my audio interface (unlike my dad's top of the line MacBookPro, which has ground loop hum), never crashes, has never gotten a virus, and has no problems except me getting crumbs in the keyboard. Sometimes I have to tweak things a little or deal with driver issues and, for this reason, I think Macs are great for old people or stupid people and if I was buying a computer for either of those types, I would totally get them a Mac, but luckily I'm not either of those types of people.

Maybe an actual graphic designer could report in (I just pretend to be one) but I think the idea that Apples are still better than Windows at graphic design is a total fallacy — it's just that because they definitely WERE better at one point in the past, they became entrenched among designers and people and schools and offices are resistant to change and et cetera. I have addressed audio recording. I agree that Macs are totally best for prosumer and pro video editing and Final Cut is obviously the standard, although the kind of video that the vast majority of consumers edit can be done just as well on a PC (though iMovie is a much better consumer level editor than whatever you can get on PC — I use Premiere and it sucks).

Whatever, I could really give a shit what people want to waste their money on though. I can't believe I spent so much time on this. I am never happy when I comment on this site. Maybe it's because I don't have a Mac.

p is for pee (#900)

who farted?

LondonLee (#922)

I'm actual graphic designer and there might be a little bit of truth in what you say that they are simply entrenched in the design world and that's why we use them. But when I started my current job I was on a PC for a few weeks (until I bitched the roof off and got a Mac) and it just felt "wrong", there's something a little clunky about the interface that's uncomfortable, and being a designer you need a seamless route to get what's in your head to the computer, Macs somehow make that translation smoother, with a PC I never forge that I'm working on a "computer"

myfanwy (#1,124)

+1. Also, Quicksilver. So very seamless. I could melt face with it at my old graphic design job. Now I have a better job, but a worse computer (Dell). It's like using the card system in a library compared to an on-line catalogue.

liz (#3,108)

"…we confuse hype and excitement for the tangible realities of life." Yes, yes we do.

Banjois (#2,646)

I was watching an online feed until they said something about telling their children where they were when the new Apple product was released. I quickly ran out to buy a pack of cigarettes…

Rod T (#33)

It seems to me a pragmatic replacement for my aging laptop. As I don't do anything abundantly challenging to a processor, I trust that it will be able to handle what I give it, not fuck it up, and be pretty.

So, yeah. Obama.

Moff (#28)

What does it lack? What was everyone hoping for that did not materialize?



belltolls (#184)

A blow-jobber.

p is for pee (#900)

A camera. I mean, I want my god damn video phone, and so does Beyoncé.

HiredGoons (#603)

I was expecting it to be lame.

Were you disappointed?

HiredGoons (#603)

Mmmmm, more like smugly self-satisfied.

jfruh (#713)

I don't actually think you're hearing the same people whip-sawing. I think you heard a lot of hype from people who follow tech stuff intently due to inclination or it being their jobs to follow it or both, followed by other people who were sort of paying attention and who were led to expect something more awesome than real thing based on the hype's volume rather than its content.

So, yeah, Obama, probably.

Moff (#28)

Ha! Totally.

Flashman (#418)


misterpearce (#3,159)

It's like a glorified Kindle, or Nook, or whatever. Think of it like Taco Bell food. It's pretty much 5 different ingredients, wrapped several different ways in a flour shell of sorts.

arekid (#3,192)


HiredGoons (#603)

What's the iPad equivalent of the 'Don't Blame Me I Wanted Hillary' camp?

BeRightBack (#59)

The Droid? Or maybe a RealDoll.

hman (#53)

I probably won't ever touch either one.

kryz (#311)


It's just a bigger, more expensive iPhone.
And it still has the same limitations as the iPhone — no flash, no peripherals. Much like Josh Baskin, I don't get it.

HiredGoons (#603)

The no Flash is what irks me most.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

Don't worry. In two years they will have one with an attached, full-sized keyboard, a real CPU and larger storage. The gimmick? It folds in half! It will be called: The iFold.

And it still can't multitask…

lempha (#581)

This Metaphor '12

Abe Sauer (#148)

The difference is that the iPad is crappy because of the iPad. Obama is crappy not only because of Obama (though party). That is to say, the root reasons for disappointment are different. For the iPad to truly be like Obama, it would need to potentially be able to do all this great, useful stuff, except that to access those apps you have to get your troglodyte, Luddite cousin who doesn't even have email to start the download process for you.


Clip Arthur (#2,024)

Actually, Obama is more like Steve Jobs when he came back to Apple to clean up the utter mess left by former CEOs who thought selling Apple machines on the Home Shopping Network was a good idea.

Also, I'm "meh" about the iPad.

But does this mean a 3G capable iPod Touch is coming soon? Now THAT is what I will throw money at.

What would be the difference between a 3G Touch & the iPhone, though? No snark. For serious, the only distinction now is the phone, that you need a contract (or jailbreak, I guess) to be able to use. And you can't access a 3G network without one of those, right?

BeRightBack (#59)

Jobs is like that Lady President on Battlestar Galactica, right? Who contracts cancer and becomes a seer, leading her people into either salvation or utter destruction (or…..both?!) on the basis of visions and personal charisma?

The "Starbuck" in this scenario is, obviously, the small letter "i".

I don't know what any of that BG stuff means, but if it's anything like Neo in the Lesser Matrix flicks, then YES. Exactly.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

The difference between a 3G iPod Touch and an iPhone would be a contract. I'm not getting into bed with AT&T for a long term contract. Lack of voice is fine with me.

Right. But how are you going to access a 3G network without any sort of contract? This is what I'm asking.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

True, but I have hope since much like DRM-free content on iTunes, it takes time to force common sense down the throats of old media folks. My understanding is that Apple hates contracts, exclusivity and is not 100% in love or like with AT&T. So hey. 3G for data on an iPod Touch month-to-month? Who would refuse. Oh yeah, AT&T… The folks who still operate a business model holding tech hostage and not allowing common sense to ever take hold.

Gotcha. So this means that you're not so much waiting for a new device to come out as waiting for Apple to completely overhaul its licensing model. Which I totally get! And it might even happen… At some point…

Now I'm just trying to come up with the appropriate Obama analogy for this.

Speculation overload.

Abe Sauer (#148)

The more I think about it the more I would say that the iPad is most like a Brett Favre playoff game. He did it once and is truly a legend in the field but it seems lately he coasts more and more on reputation and becomes wildly self-obsessed but then, with the shtick getting long in the tooth he wows you into believing again and you wonder if he really can "do it again!?" and then you get all amped up, because FAVRE! but then he throws a last minute interception and dooms himself but you still kind of like him (but only secretly).

The iPad really does look like a kid out there.

brent_cox (#40)

If there weren't all those turnovers, then the iPad woulda had a chance. (And not all those turnovers were iPad's fault!!)

Abe Sauer (#148)

yeah yeah and the phantom pass interference before the non-catch-leg-grab it's-all-a-conspiracy-for-New Orleans-Katrina-coverage-media-angle. That pick was the kind of thing a self-destructive person who doesn;t want to succeed does. It's clinical. He needs professional help. No joke.

hockeymom (#143)

Also, his wife had no purple on whatsoever.
So, analyze THAT.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Ha ha ha. Aw. Poor Minnesotan. But how could you tell? She wore a jacket.

Baroness (#273)

It's that thick, black 10 inch bezel. Obama has one too, but he doesn't call it that.

Moff (#28)

I am guilty of snortling at that.

willthenight (#3,197)

Like a big iPhone that can't make phone calls. Can't watch instant Netflix, Hulu, or a DVD. Can't download music, or anything really, outside of the iTunes store. Who the hell is this for?

HiredGoons (#603)

the status obsessed.

hockeymom (#143)


stuffisthings (#1,352)

I disagree: Obama supports Flash video. Though his multitasking capabilities do leave something to be desired.

Scum (#1,847)

There are lots of advantages of this over the iphone. Heres just ten off the top of my head

1. its harder to accidentally post
2. You can replace a mentally unstable person's iphone with it and convince them that they're shrinking
3. its bigger
4. can be held underarm more securely.
5. can hide whole head behind it rather than just a part of your face
6. cannot be mistaken for shameful non-apple touchphones
7. comes in bigger box meaning you get to recycle more
8. sort of reminiscent of an etch-a-sketch in a vague way
9.can be paired with an iphone to act as an extravagant coaster/table mat combination
10. can squash more snails at one time

egad (#1,355)

Can you only use an iPhone on one network in the States? What if you buy it outright?

Here, you can get the iPhone through contracts on most the big networks, or you can just buy it online or in an Apple store.

(full disclosure, I use a $50 Nokia)

egad (#1,355)

Damn. That was meant to be a reply for someone waaaay up there ^

dish_gusted (#4,877)

Personally I think President Obama is drunk with Power. The President of the United States troubled by the Freedom on Speech and Information on the Internet, where did candidate Obama go? Gitmo, Don't ask don't tell, Immigration, healing our nation with bi-partisan leadership are issues President Obama still needs to address. However if you bring this to his attention you are a dissenting voice and danger to democracy. Democrats/Republicans instead of taking our country back via your parties ideology why don't we heal the country so our children will have a future instead of a toxic environment where they pay the bills for the eight years of war mongers and the two years and counting of big business posing at humble main street tree hugger.

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