I can't recall the whole story, because I don't have the issue with me, but there's a story in the latest Private Eye about something that the Darlington, England, council did recently, I'm not precise on the details-God, this is like the worst blog post ever-but it involved the embarrassing use of the word "chooching," which is completely new to me. Apparently, it means to masturbate while crying. Am I like the last person in the world to have learned this? And, if so, why? Because I'm familiar as hell with the act, I just had no idea they had given a name to it. Anyway, for your files.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
47
You are correct. Worst blog post ever.
+13.5
STRONGLY DISAGREE.
This is actually the perfect blog post.
First bukkake and now this.
This is the most servicey blog, ever.
Usually, its first chooching, then bukkake. But I suppose YMMV.
Why would I want to do that/?
How can one achieve this anyway? Well I guess it's a bit easier for a Woman but... as a man this really puzzles me. First, the thought that any man would be crying at anytime anywhere is horrifying, Second, I truly don't know if it's possible to rise to the occasion ( for me at least) whilst being so bummed out you feel the urge to cry. How was this discovered? Beating off in the bathroom of a mortuary during a Hot/Dear friend's funeral, open casket of course. Next we shall have
SAD PORN or sadder porn depending on how you feel about it.
You're new here, aren't you?
Pain.
RIP TMFTML.
No, but I can tell you all about "choochooing," which is something that happens to me when I sneeze, or when I'm on the train.
Don't even ask what happens if someone else on the train sneezes.
They chooch?
Pooching is when the dog cries.
Mooching - crying while shoplifting sex toys?
"Gooching" is when you do it while watching Auntie Mame.
And if you're watching Last Tango in Paris, it's Bernardobertoluccing.
Of course, if you try Cheeching and Chonging, you're liable to go--
Oh, I just can't.
Hippies and indie-rockers? Choochachella.
"Cuchi-cuchi"-ing is when you wank off to Charo.
(I think you've got to be about ninety years old to get that joke.)
"I choo-choo-choose you!"
Cha-ching when you get paid to do it.
Tearful, angry, masturbation has long been a staple of a nice little subset of the kink world.
as well as the Seminary. Heh.
Well, you didn't go to J School, so how would you know?
Oh wow. I can never unread that can I?
Needs more listicle.
Choocha is REALLY not to be said in the company of South Americans. you're welcome.
Somebody get this man a tissue. Or two. Or are you supposed to use your crying tissue as your jerk off tissue? So much to learn.
I think part of the aesthetic is not wiping the tears. Regardless, make sure to replace all of those electrolytes lost from crying. I recommend Gatorade Tiger Focus.
So is Restasis kinda like Viagra for choochers?
I knob one off to get over my hangovers. there should be a word for that. A friend calls it post-drunk release but it needs a British touch.
Hooching?
Then there's SusanLuccing, when you try 21 times and only "win" once. (Ouch!)
You forgot to use the MORRISSEY tag.
+99
Oh, as in, Uncle Stephen used to chooch me every night before I went to sleep?
This had me balling at my desk.
No "self-servicey" tag?
you just brought tears to my eyes. I'll be in the shower.
No, no, no. The Dresden Dolls tell us that "all around the nation, the girls are crying, the boys are masturbating." Please stick to your assigned roles, people.
On this subject, I recommend listening to Kunt and The Gang's composition "Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died."
some of us use masturbation as a substitute for crying. chafing is a problem.
this is why you NEED tears.
"Chooch" is the word my Mom always used instead of "Gypped." As in "Don't chooch your brother out of his fair share of ice cream." I just thought it was a Southernism, but maybe she made it up. Anyway, I can't believe I've managed to write this entire comment without getting grossed out. Compartmentalization is neat!
bawling because you aren't balling?
A friend who purported to engage in this activity after a nasty breakup described it simply as "Crasturbating".
I heard that it was called cranking? Anyway, Darlington is a very grim place. Tears and tossing are basically mandatory to get through the day.
Fin.