Thursday, December 24th, 2009

Real America, with Abe Sauer: Last Minute Christmas Sex Doll Shopping at Spencer's

Those of you heading out to do last minute shopping today may come across a Spencer's. The gift store has been around for more than 60 years. The retailer's 600-plus stores are still mainstays in many of America's shopping malls, providing each new generation of 12-year-old boys with giggles. It's almost a quaint American icon! Except, not really.

Spencer's is apparently investing heavily in the blow up sex doll business now. No big deal. Though the below two dolls raise a few obvious questions. Do Jessica Simpson and Paris Hilton's respective attorneys know about this? A second question: Why isn't the Jessica doll on sale, seeing as the Tony Romo Dallas Cowboys #9 theme is dead now that they broke up? There is no third question.

paris hilton blow up

jessica simpson blow up

Ok. So what, right? Spencer's brand of humor has always been less than classy.

Then there is this: spencer emme midgetr

"MeMe" the Midget Blowup Doll: "Good things come in small packages, and did you notice she's exactly the right height? If you've ever wanted to know what it's like to be a with a little person, this is your big chance! Meme the inflatable Midget Doll is a hit at bachelor parties and a great gag gift for the birthday boy!"

Only $19.99!

This one raises even more questions. Why is she in an Asian-themed dress? Is she Asian? Why does Spencer's even bother with the respectful "little people" when it's already got "midget" in the title? Why aren't there any customer reviews yet? And, how can Spencer's justify selling this horrible thing?

To find out about that last question, I called Kevin Mahoney, Spencer's general counsel. Mr. Mahoney is a busy man, dealing with everyone from the upset Irish to an an upset Willie Nelson to upset parent groups. He also handled Spencer's 2008 Massachusetts child-labor violation.

Mahoney told me he was familiar with the product and that it was just one of Spencer's offerings with "an adult theme." When I asked how, even allowing for liberal interpretations of taste, he could justify the product, he insisted that the inflatable midget love doll is simply "a novelty and humor item."

Mahoney added, "People's senses of humor are subjective."

Meanwhile, the reaction to "MeMe" I received from Gary Arnold, vice president of public relations for Little People of America, was predictable, surprisingly free of cursing, and very correct:

"For people of short stature, naming a toy a "midget doll" is equivalent to using the most insulting terms to identify an African American, Latino, Disabled, etc… doll.

In addition, most dolls marketed today that happen to be of a non-white ethnicity are not named according to the doll's ethnicity. So if you create a doll that happens to be a person of short stature, why call it a "midget doll." I can't speak for the intentions of the doll's creators, but I can speak to what I think is the impact of such a product. The doll will reinforce stereotypical social stigma against people of physical difference."

So if you're fighting your way through the mall this season and your gaze falls upon Spencer's, maybe the emotion triggered will be a wistful nostalgia for the past and, then again, maybe it will be a more angry lament for a total loss of shame?

(N.B. The photo up top is a bunch of 13-year-olds on some school athletic team trip coming out of Spencer's in a Fargo mall. Maybe one of them is your nephew, who just got himself a 3-love-openings-of-pleasure "MeMe" inflatable midget love doll.)

Abe Sauer sure loves Christmas shopping.

26 Comments / Post A Comment

NominaStultorum (#1,638)

I hope that Meme doesn't go viral.

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Oh man, I have to go to Hot Topic today.

KarenUhOh (#19)


KarenUhOh (#19)

Virtue is more economical, but this is not a "top seller," as is the Underbed Restraint System:

zidaane (#373)

It doesn't throw remotes or ashtrays so, you miss out on the 'reflex tuning' function the real ones provide.

Baboleen (#1,430)

So what did you get at Spencers?

Abe Sauer (#148)

Moral outrage.

Baboleen (#1,430)


johnpseudonym (#1,452)


Mindpowered (#948)

Just Crabby.

KarenUhOh (#19)

This online catalog is really quite fascinating. I don't think they know how to spell "PC" at Spencer, but they sure do know how to make the "P":

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

They are keeping publishing alive sans "…in Hell":

Screen Name (#2,416)

One thing I have learned: never question a man's taste in blow up sex dolls in front of his family at a church potluck dinner. It's true, a "MeMe the Midget Doll" might be offensive to some, but really who are we to judge whether it looks exactly like Uncle Blake's half Vietnamese-half Canadian stripper girlfriend who used to stay with us sometimes back in the late 80s, or if the midget theme is more about storage convenience than some kind of weird fetish because it fits perfectly in the tackle box under the seat of Mike's truck and only takes two minutes to inflate with the portable air compressor in the glove box?

kneetoe (#1,881)

And how dare they call it a "love" doll. No matter how hard you try, they will not love you.

joeclark (#651)

The midget doll is quite clearly wearing Michaele Salahi’s “sari.”

BoHan (#29)

Spencer's I don't think is really designed for adults. Mainly it was designed for incredibly horny 12 year old me to look at awesome sex toys while my Mom and sisters shopped for clothes at the Dillard's. Unfortunately the closet I ever got to my dream of owning one of those awesome sex toys was when Mom caved in and bought me a lava light. Also they had great black light posters to decorate your pot smoking den up in the far corner of the attic near the ventilator.

HiredGoons (#603)

{insert (Grim Reaper smoking a spliff) here.}

BoHan (#29)

Damn it. Get out of my Den. You aren't invited.

HiredGoons (#603)

I used to peek at the semi-pornographic birthday cards for women at Spencer's!! The ones with the hot men, and feel guilty/aroused as a pre-teen/teen.

What a brilliant waste of money, that store has an airtight revenue stream.

HiredGoons (#603)

Also: that store has a serious obsession with the phallus*.

*not that there's anything wrong with that.

mokin (#2,235)

At first I thought the Meme packaging said "8 Love Openings of Pleasure" and I got very confused trying to do the math.

hipstr (#963)

I just finished an exchange semester in Germany. One recurring theme among the fellow exchange students: sex toy birthday presents. Even I was convinced to contribute to the birthday-present cash-pool from time to time. So there you go. Young Europeans are in bad taste too (especially Scandinavians).

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