Tuesday, December 1st, 2009

How Much Does the Modern Father Suck?

THAT'S NICE HONLizzie Skurnick reads the Foer and the Chabon alike in search of understanding what's gotten so hideously annoying about modern dads. "Foer's unhinged screed against the dangers of the modern meat-industrial complex takes 'me too' fathering to a new level…. There is nothing wrong with falling into wonderment at one's own child. (It is contraindicated over the long term.) There's also nothing wrong with being against the wholesale ripping of beaks off innocent chickens to keep Tyson Foods in business, an image Foer returns to frequently. Who, after all, is for a food system that, among other things, routinely releases a geyser of fecal matter into the air to spray neighboring crops? The problem is that Foer suddenly cares-and, by extension, so must we-because some day one micrometer of that shit might fall on the head of Jonathan Safran Foer's son."

9 Comments / Post A Comment

katiebakes (#32)

I loved this. She is really great. This sentence is a golden god:

If the organic quality of what one uses to wipe a child’s ass and house its downy curve thereafter slides easily into a topic of substantive debate, so be it.

iplaudius (#1,066)

The beer-drinking guard declined to wander out of the garage to renew intimacies until such time as real action was called for, like teaching offspring to ride a bike or balance a checkbook.

If the Lizzie Skurnick truly wants a return to 1950s masculinity, she ought to accept that the husband was not in the garage that whole time. He was out schtupping his secretary.

Fathers are very important to their children, but fatherhood is overrated. For me, it is less amaaaazing and more a shit-ton of hard work.

Abe Sauer (#148)

Fatherhood also destroyed Patton Oswalt's stand-up act.

HiredGoons (#603)

How else are we going to force-feed those chickens into debilitating obesity if we don't rip their beaks off!?


HiredGoons (#603)

Also: that shirt, in Chelsea, would take on an entirely different meaning.

Natan (#1,967)

Foer philosophized in a interview once, when his kid was a baby: "My kid doesn't love me." I find it mildly perverted that he now seems to be devoting his life to seducing him.

alsomike (#2,396)

I totally agree – without my consent, people writing about stuff that I don't care about is an infringement on my rights, akin to intellectual rape! No means no, Foer!

alsomike (#2,396)

Another form of tyranny: cute kids. Our brains are wired to want to take care of them, and they exploit that by acting like needy douche-bags and demanding that everyone bends over backwards for them.

Sometimes I run into one in the elevator, and they just stare at me the whole time. I tell them to back the F off, and then their parent says "You can't talk like that to a kid!" Just because you decided to have kids and be their doormat doesn't mean I have to!

When are kids going to learn they have to deal with reality like the rest of us?

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