Monday, November 23rd, 2009
22

The End Of Smoking?

Has Science finally found a way to cure the addiction of smoking? There is a new vaccine!

NicVax causes the immune system to create antibodies that bond with the nicotine molecule if it enters the bloodstream. The result is a molecule too large to pass along to the brain. In short, the vaccine seeks to make the body immune to nicotine.

If smokers can't get a buzz from lighting up a cigarette, the thinking goes, there's no reason for them to continue the habit. Since the antibodies created by NicVax stay in the body for a long period of time, the chances of a smoker quickly returning to the habit are low.

I have a few questions about this. I am not particularly averse to quitting (although God knows I certainly don't need another twenty pounds on my already overburdened frame), but assuming the thing works, will it really stop me from smoking even if I'm not getting that nicotine buzz? I mean, what am I going to do with my hands? How will I cure the boredom of standing on line for the bus? What excuse will I use to get away from people at parties? I think this is may wind up offering more problems than actual solutions.

22 Comments / Post A Comment

Hamilton (#122)

Pixie Stix, Pixie Stix, and more Pixie Stix.

andrea (#1,025)

Sexting.

narnio (#38)

You take the bus?

Alex Balk (#4)

I can't afford cabs anymore what with cigarettes being so fucking expensive.

riggssm (#760)

Funny, I smoke three cigarettes a day if I don't leave my apartment.* Otherwise, it's more like three, plus twelve more.

Why? Because it's a sure-fire way to get five damn minutes to myself, away from those special (needs) people who inhabit the world around me.

(* And by that, I mean, I go out onto my back porch, not smoke inside. Wouldn't want to void my Apple warranties!)

#56 (#56)

are you really asking for suggestions on what to do with your hands?

Seriously! Men on the bus are never for lack of something to do with their hands.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

But if all the popular kids took the anti-smoking vaccine, you'd take it too, right?

JGP (#1,686)

I did the patch and it worked. Mostly because I kept thinking back to that scene in "Thank You For Smoking" where Aaron Eckhart ODs on nicotine because of all the patches. I figured that if I smoked while wearing the patch I'd get all pukey and sweaty (without the ancillary benefits of being drunk).

But man, smoking is awesome. I miss it more than I ever missed an ex-girlfriend. Which doesn't say much for my taste in women and/or my quality as a man.

caitlinate (#416)

Traitor!

tankengine (#1,835)

i just quit and i want one at least once a day and not because i got a buzz.

iplaudius (#1,066)

You know how anti-depression drugs can cause people to commit suicide? This is like that thing, but with murder.

Syan Reacrest (#891)

I’m pretty sure I haven’t had ‘the buzz’ for a while now. The only reason I still smoke is so I don’t destroy a pen everyday by chewing it in half.

garge (#736)

You could pretend you acquired type 2 diabetes and need to go manage your levels, when it comes to the getting away from people thing.

Rod T (#33)

So, basically? Dude is asking for handjobs.

katiebakes (#32)

Hopefully this works better than Chantix.

Sample sentences:

"The neighbor was so panicked he wound up shooting Albrecht through the door, killing him."

"But each time I started napping, I’d dream that something increasingly ominousâ€"carbon monoxide? Vampires?â€"was sucking vital essence out of me."

"I tried to shake a weird, paranoid sense that I’d just been psychically raped by a household appliance."

"A few minutes later, they did, and I thought, Who was the depressed seventh-grade goth girl who had just muscled into my brain?"

"I joked to my friends that Chantix was the ultimate quit-smoking drug, because when you kill yourself, there’s no chance of relapse."

HiredGoons (#603)

"My doctor wished me luck as he wrote out the prescription, telling me it was the single most important decision I’d ever make in my life."

But not in the way he intended.

sailor (#396)

Alex, just substitute joints for cigarettes until you're cured of fall down a manhole, whichever comes first.

PandaEyes (#772)

Agreed! This method worked a treat for me.

PandaEyes (#772)

………..provided you keep clear of manholes of course.

mathnet (#27)

If it actually works, then great, immunize kids. But I don't see how it would really make smokers stop smoking. I mean, if I became immune to Manhattans? I would probably drink twice as much.

BimRidder (#2,333)

I feel we should not immunize kids for tobacco. Said kids would probably start smoking fervently even without the much-hyped buzz, just to spite the parents who 'immunized' them.

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