Oh cool. Now we're supposed to "shore up" and guarantee Afghanistan's bank too? I mean, haven't we done enough, what with helping Iceland and Latvia and Greece and—oh, wait, what's that you say? @12:10 PM 0
Oil Rig Explodes In Second Isolated Incident @11:44 AM
Much like our planet, this story is BREAKING: "An oil rig has exploded 80 miles off the coast of Louisiana, with 12 people overboard and one missing, the Coast Guard said Thursday morning. Rescue attempts are underway for at least 12 people, Coast Guard spokesman John Edwards told CNN. 13 people were on board the rig total, Edwards said, noting 12 have been accounted for, but one person was missing." 12
Arizona Governor's Debate Speech So Embarrassing Even Mexicans Feel Sorry For Her @11:40 AM
Here's Arizona governor Jan Brewer giving her opening statement in a televised debate last night. Have you cringed yet today? Because you're gonna. It hurts. Brewer was reportedly so upset by her performance that she spent an hour after the debate personally racially profiling people and immediately deporting them just to blow off steam. 9
iTunes 10 Is So Incredibly Ugly @11:20 AM
Jesus Lord, iTunes 10 is ugly. It's so ugly! From the dock logo to the buttons to the icons to the spacing to even little tiny things, like the shade of the grey background and the shade of the fonts and the recasting of the volume bar—everything about it seems hideous, clunky, metallic; it feels impossible to get one's little trackpad to navigate these blocky boxy things. Is there not a senior gay in Apple product design to throw up his hands and send a design like this back to the youngsters? I know there's decided gay presence in the retail store design, which explains why their stores are largely so successful in terms of siting and presentation and flow and drama. But this—this is garbage! 10
Videogame Mocks Everything America Stands For @11:00 AM
This makes me SICK TO MY STOMACH.
On Oct. 12 Electronic Arts, one of the world’s biggest game publishers, is set to release a first-person combat title called Medal of Honor. Developed with advice from elite American special forces, the new game is set during Operation Anaconda, part of the Western war in Afghanistan that followed the Sept. 11 attacks.
So far, so conventional. But in Medal of Honor’s online multiplayer mode, in which teams of players battle over the Internet, one side in each match will be the Americans and the other side will play the role of Taliban fighters.
Dog Friends Have New Home @10:30 AM
We actually didn't cover this story earlier, because it was the feel-bad feel-good story of the year, and it was too much for my delicate sensibilities—oh wait, we did!—but now here we are. Good news! A blind dog and his seeing eye dog best friend have found a new home to take them in! (The bad news still is: they were up for adoption because their owner has cancer and is moving and giving up her dogs to be near family.) 8
Drake University's New Ad Campaign: It's A Big D+ @10:00 AM
The marketing team that dreamed up Drake University's latest campaign, "The D+ Advantage," got so carried away by an apparent allusion to positively charged molecules that it thought it could either ignore or, alternately, capitalize on one obvious fact: the logo is the grade for pathetically under-average schoolwork, a D-plus.
Or, as Drake envisions it, “your Potential + our Opportunities.”
It's a chemistry equation, see… except with people and a horribly misguided institution of higher learning. (Never mind that a positively charged ion attracts negativity—but hey, I barely passed Rocks For Jocks in college, so I'll leave the scientific interpretation to others.) READ MORE 9
'Rat Girl' @9:30 AM
For those of us who believe the first Throwing Muses album is one of the Top Five Most Important First Albums of All Time (and probably also believe that "The Fat Skier" is one of the Top Five Most Important First EPs of All Time), Kristin Hersh's new memoir is A+ essential reading. The best part is it's only about a year—when she was 18, becoming an indie rock star and getting pregnant—so there can be like 25 other memoirs! 7
American Empathy Watch: When Suicide Jumpers Destroy Our Cars @9:00 AM
"A New Jersey woman is devastated that her precious sports car — just repaired and fully gassed up — was wrecked by a suicidal man's 40-story attempted death leap on the Upper West Side…. "I miss it. It's my baby," moaned Maria McCormack… 'Why? Why my car out of all the cars in the city?'…. Meanwhile, a Dodge spokesman credited the car's 'high-strength steel structure' for helping absorb the blow." Really, everyone comes out a winner in this one. 41
How Sarah Palin Ruined Alaska @5:00 PM
The new Vanity Fair Sarah Palin profile is enthralling: rage-fueled breakdowns, domestic violence (is there a battered spouse center for First Dudes?) and Madoff-worthy financial manipulation. Equally fascinating is the climate of fear and confusion that Michael Joseph Gross discovered in Wasilla, where townspeople are terrified of discussing their former mayor/governor, and deeply uncomfortable with the world-famous media creation that she has become. "To appreciate how alien Palin has become in Wasilla, how inscrutable to her own people, you have to wrap your mind around the fact that Sarah Palin is more famous than any other Alaskan, ever," Gross writes. "It still does not quite seem real to most Alaskans that there are all these thousands of people in the Lower 48 turning out for … Sarah."
But if they want surreal, they should travel to the Lower 48. Because it's not until you leave Alaska that you realize it no longer exists — only Sarah Palin exists. READ MORE 17
America's Adopted Koreans, Part 2: When Adoption Became Visible @4:30 PM
Adoption is not often discussed, even—maybe especially—among adoptees. My brother was also adopted, two years after me, and until last week, we had never talked about it, not even once. While conducting interviews for this series, I received some responses that were telling—and not just because they were answers to questions I had asked. “I hope this kinda answers your questions. They were very hard to answer,” one interviewee said. Another: “Sorry it took me so long. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be.” A third person said: “I’m glad I’m not insane and there are people who really do feel like there are a thousand issues they need to deal with.” READ MORE 7
American Poet To Legally Change His Name To "American Poetry" @4:10 PM
Our poet friend Jim Behrle has had enough (of some toxic substance). "Since I've pretty much burned through the good name my parents gave me, I've decided this is as good a time as ever to legally change my name to 'American Poetry.'" 24
I thought Maureen Dowd was on vacation all summer. But I was just forgetting to look. Now I'm glad about that. @4:00 PM 7
Are people who take lower salaries to do public service work noble, self-sacrificing examplars of mankind's charitable spirit or sanctimonious pricks sucking at the teat of the state and expecting a thank you for it? Or both? I guess they could be both. Anyway, there are some opinions here. @3:50 PM 12
Take That, Ivy! Made-Up Corporate Identity Lingers at Jack Spade @3:30 PM
"Outside the Jack Spade store were some bicycles, restored just enough to let you know they’d been restored. Next to them was a sign in the window: 'Vintage bikes for sale. Please inquire within. Signed, Jack Spade.'"
—The ghost of the former owner's character Jack Spade still haunts Liz Claiborne's Jack Spade store. 2
Order Your Drink In A Short Glass @3:00 PM
Researchers have discovered that people tend to pour more generous measures of spirits when using short, wide tumblers rather than tall slender glasses. Choosing the wrong shaped glass can lead to drinkers consuming almost twice as much alcohol, the researchers from Oxford University found…. [T]he study by leading psychologist Professor Charles Spence also found that people drink 88 per cent more when using a short wide glasses compared to a taller glass containing the same amount of alcohol. In the study even veteran bartenders poured 26 per cent more alcohol into tumblers than highball glasses.
This discovery will have profound implications on the in which I deal with bartenders. It's almost autumn and now I learn this? My life is about to change in marvelous ways. If you could see me now you would be looking at a man grinning from ear to ear (and drooling a bit). Professor Charles Spence, you, sir, are a hero. And I, my friends, am off. 15
From the inbox: "Alloy Entertainment are the great minds behind the hit TV series’ Gossip Girl, Vampire Diaries, and Pretty Little Liars and they are now bringing their television expertise to your computer screen with their inaugural digital series First Day. The eight-webisode comedy series revolves around a seventeen-year-old girl (Elizabeth McLaughlin) who relives her first day at a new school over and over; a modern-day Groundhog Day for today’s teen audience." Oh, also? It co-stars Awl pal Molly McAleer! You should absolutely go give it some clicks or whatever you do for Internet TV. Yay Molls! @2:50 PM 6
Buy It, Okay? 60 Pages of Prime Magazine for Just $11 @2:30 PM
Among the other reasons to purchase Longshot magazine—the 60-page magazine created, written, designed and edited over the course of last weekend!—is that among the nearly 60 contributors is one Alexandra Paul (AKA Lt. Stephanie Holden of Baywatch fame). Also for nerds like myself, there is a short and elegant piece by Nick Sylvester, in which he (for what I believe is the first time) addresses a semi-long-ago dust-up of conflicting values, which ended in him being tossed out of Pitchfork and the Village Voice. The main reason to purchase it is to support weird media projects, of course! Alternately, you could just get it on your iPad for free. 7
Chinese Waste Beer @2:10 PM
In today's adorable instance of cruelty against animals, meet a deer in China who drinks beer. Also: I'm a little late to this one and deeply, deeply sorry, because know you people rely on me for this sort of thing and I'm mortified that I missed it when it first popped up, but you will probably want to see this video of a fish who looks like Shrek. He is nicknamed "Shrek" because of the similarity in appearance. If you are in the market for a video of a fish that bears an uncanny resemblance to Shrek you will almost certainly enjoy this. READ MORE 7
Discovery HQ Being Evacuated: Man Demands "Stop All Shows Glorifying Human Birthing" @2:02 PM
"A man with what appears to be an explosive device has taken at least one hostage at the Discovery Communications building in downtown Silver Spring, Montgomery County Police said." According to an NBC producer Twitter: "The gunman at Discovery is on the phone with NBC in New York." (Also, according to that Twitter: he may be an "ecoterrorist.") Oh my: People are saying this is his list of demands: "MORE HUMANS EQUALS MORE WAR!" Too bad these are his terrible (alleged!) tactics, he's got some good things to say. (Uh sort of.) Anyway, he is suspected to be James Jay Lee, Discovery channel chief protester. Everyone should be reminded that pretty much nothing is as of yet confirmed. 51
You Can Blow Limbs Off This Robot And It'll Be Just Fine @1:50 PM
How many times do we have to warn you about the future? 3
Your King Will Not Leave You @1:30 PM
"The President didn't float anything, and the Mayor hasn't had a boss in almost 30 years. He has zero interest in Treasury and is one of Geithner's biggest supporters."
—A spokesman for Mike Bloomberg denies a New York Post report that President Obama wants the mayor to replace Tim Geithner as Treasury Secretary. 3
A Five-Part Guide To Irish Viral Videos: Part One, Irish Rap @1:00 PM
Sometimes videos go viral within the confines of a specific country and they never reach the wider world. And often, that’s a real shame. Lucky for you, Irishman (meaning born, raised and residing in actual Ireland) Sean McTiernan—that's me!—is going to give you a glimpse into the country’s already storied collection of viral gems. Get your shillelagh and whatever additional racist paraphernalia you need, it’s going to be mighty. READ MORE 21
The "Bad Touch" Baby Suit and Other Works by Helge Fischer @12:40 PM
'10 Royal College of Art MFA graduate Helge Fischer recently found some of his work picked up on the blogs: it was his "safe cuddling" baby suit, which has a built-in alarm that flashes and produces a siren when the child is touched in "inappropriate places." He writes: "I then went out and showed the design proposal to parents, child minders and a child protection professional. What was originally intended as an ironic comment became a lot more complex." Yes, oddly, people found this emotion-provoking. Other less-loaded but very enjoyable projects include Sleeping Beauty, in which a webcam tracked his sleeping position, waking him when he strayed into less-attractive positions, and his Cyborg Casino project, in which he took to the streets so people could play games of chance on him. But really, I think there's a great market in the U.S. for a baby-molesting alarm suit. 2
Greatest Interview Ever: NYC's Trash Anthropologist Explains All @12:20 PM
Remember Robin Nagle? The anthropologist-in-residence at the NYC Department of Sanitation? Well, here is a long interview with her! And it's awesome: "Every single thing you see is future trash. Everything. So we are surrounded by ephemera, but we can’t acknowledge that, because it’s kind of scary, because I think ultimately it points to our own temporariness, to thoughts that we’re all going to die." 7
A Few Tiny Notes on the Sarah Palin 'Vanity Fair' Profile @12:00 PM
We read it, and it was worth reading. It did not make me feel good about the future. It will make you feel concerned too.
• "Todd Palin received as much as $20,000 worth of clothing—a wardrobe that would last most men for many years, if not for life." This is probably true and also is hilarious that it appears in Vanity Fair. Because, hey, that's how much the outfits cost, in the pictures? READ MORE 32
Is New York's Golden Age of gossip fading, or simply in a period of retrenchment? The Village Voice takes a good look. @11:50 AM 2
Fire Island Labor Day Weekend Looks Ruinous For Gays! @11:30 AM
Suffolk County will decide whether to issue a "mandatory evacuation" for Fire Island today, which is an annoying thing, because whether it gets stormy or not over the course of the week, that means there's still no ferries running. (And you don't want to get driven onto the island in a storm surge; it's hairy!) But that may all be moot, since the LIRR is just now barely running properly again, after a fire put service on the fritz for a week. Gays! Return to your seaplanes! Remember when you weren't victims of public transport? 12
Cee-Lo Green, "F**k You" @11:10 AM
Here's the official video for Cee-Lo's beloved late summer smash. It's very good-looking—pastel and neon vintage diner decor. (Though maybe not as good-looking as the original typeset treatment?) My favorite part is when Cee-Lo throws the ol' from-the-chin Italiano-style kiss-off. Vaffancul! 14
