“She knows exactly what you like. If you like Porsches, she likes Porsches. If you like soccer, she likes soccer.”
-Douglas Hines, inventor of the WORLD’S FIRST SEX ROBOT, which comes with five different personalities and “impressive, flesh-like, synthetic skin.” She can “talk” about all the things that interest you, including sports and cars! I am trying to find the non-depressing aspect of this story, but I have so far been unsuccessful. Also depressing: this.

Dear TMZ,

Your recent email blast of this morning? The one headlined “TMZ EXCLUSIVE: Balloon Dad — Don’t Worry About Dropping Soap,” which begins “Richard Heene won’t have to worry about the “shower situation” in lockdown — TMZ has learned dude will get to shower alone”? This suggests that you require some forcible reeducation. (Particularly as you are an outfit with a gay man in charge.) We hereby sentence you to read the Human Rights Watch paper on prison rape and also to get, for the office, a guest speaker from Just Detention International. Here, you can read testimony from people who have been raped in prison. Also maybe you could donate to stop the epidemic of prison rape in juvenile facilities? Alternately, you could just not be evil, smirky shitheels.

Here’s the brand new video for the Sade song that came out last month, for the album to be released next month. We of course expected this new single to have the word “Love” in its title. One might have expected it have a video like that of Madonna’s “Frozen.” We did not expect it to remind me so much of Quantum of Solace or to see Sade swinging a lasso over her head. But, hey, it’s Sade. She can do whatever she wants. (Except, apparently, Twitter, because what we thought last week was her new, real Twitter account has since been suspended. Sigh.)

Okay, here we go: In re Harry Reid’s negro problem, let’s all take a deep breath and give it the kind of Pollyannish spin that we’re going to need to make it through what is sure to be another difficult year. Is it a little galling to see the rush of Republicans lining up to demand Reid’s ouster by comparing his remarks to Trent Lott’s “Gee, it woulda been swell if we kept the drinking fountains separate like ol’ Strom wanted” statement from 2002, particularly when you consider that the two remarks are diametrically opposed to each other in import and intent? (Gwen Ifill dispenses with this comparison fairly effectively in the clip above. Also note how VERY CLEAR Matt Lauer wants to make it that he is ONLY QUOTING when he says the word “negro.”)

Sure. Of course it’s galling. And a little depressing. And a little amusing. And a lot predictable. (It would actually be alarming if they didn’t even give it a try.) But! New year, new attitude! Lets look at it this way: The election of Barack Obama did not, and I don’t know of anyone who seriously argues that it did, solve the racial problems in this country. So let’s have a thousand conversations like this one! Let’s use this and every subsequent incident-which there will surely be-as yet another moment on the road to reconciliation. Every one of these lessons will help move us a little closer to our understanding of our fellow citizens as exactly that, and will give us a better perspective on the kind of respect we all deserve. I mean, now that we know Republicans are so concerned about equality and the proper ways in which to address it, we can move forward as one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Because, really, isn’t that what it’s all about?

I know. Still, give it a try!

A committee of the American Bar Association has come up with the unthinkable: how about we rate law schools based on what students learn to prepare them for practicing law? This is CRAZY, according to everyone who runs a law school. There are at least three arguments against this being presented now, none of which are well, uh, argued. First: it seems to be that “this is a very bad time,” what with lawyer unemployment running rampant. (Yes, why would we want schools to have evaluation when the provenance of a law degree actually may begin to matter in hiring? Oh right, for value for employers in hiring-and value for students in choosing a school.) And here is Yale Law School’s new dean on the matter: “It is worth pausing to ask how the proponents of outcome measures can be so very confident that the actual performance of tasks deemed essential for the practice of law can be identified, measured, and evaluated.” That’s still not an argument against “outcome measures”-that’s an argument for useful outcome measures! Also there is a crowd that says “diversity efforts” will suffer, because law schools are currently serving “minority” students poorly by allowing them to have lower bar passage rates. So maybe if they start treating and preparing their students-of-diversity (ahem) better, maybe they’ll take responsibility for that.

Animator Art Clokey, creator of Gumby, has died at the age of 88. Clokey also produced “Davey and Goliath,” which those of us of a certain age remember as “the only animated show on Sundays.” Clokey sounds like he had a hell of a life.

After his parents divorced when he was about 8, he lived with his father; when Art was 9, his father was killed in an automobile accident. Rejoining his mother in California, the boy was banished by her new husband and placed in a children’s home.

He was adopted two years later. Can you imagine? Then there is this: “A lifelong seeker of enlightenment, Mr. Clokey tried LSD — but only once, under medical supervision and not till long after he created Gumby, his son said in a telephone interview on Sunday.” And also this:

With the rise of slick, titillatingly violent cartoons in the 1970s, Gumby’s popularity waned. According to many published accounts, Mr. Clokey struggled financially. Then along came Mr. Murphy, and suddenly Gumby was everywhere.

Mr. Clokey adored Mr. Murphy’s performance, his son said. But he was also gratified that it was broadcast late at night, when no child was awake to see it.

Good for him.

“A terminally-ill volunteer is being sought to donate their body for a reality television show backed by Channel 4 that would see them mummified and possibly placed on display in a museum.”

Okay, kids, “re-set day” is drawing to a close. I hope we all noticed and enjoyed so many awesome things that we will be carried through the weekend on a cloud of bonhomie and be dropped gently into Monday morning with our sense of serenity and our capacity for cheer still completely intact. You are all very special to your editors here at The Awl-yes, even you-and I’m glad we were able to share this celebration together. In other news, I’m completely out of ideas on what to end the week with (I was going to do a Listicle Without Commentary on the 31 Best Porn Films Based On The Cinematic Oeuvre of Elvis Presley, but I’ve actually only seen Blew Hawaii and Follow That Cream, so I would not have been able to bring the necessary degree of intellectual rigor to the project), so if don’t yet feel completely rejuvenated, well, give this a shot. Because, man, I have GOT to get out of here: that hot dog is crying out for some bourbon to push it all the way down. Have as nice a weekend as you can have, burdened as you are with the knowledge that Hurley dies.

Here’s a spot from Liz Cheney’s “Keep America Safe” organization. Ben Smith calls it “a new video that casts President Obama’s response to the Christmas Day terror attempt as a parody of the television show ‘24,’” but I don’t know. I’m pretty sure Liz Cheney thinks “24” is real.

How unfortunate! Relax, “Lost” enthusiasts, you didn’t ingest episodic secrets!