Pretty amazing, right? Inside the issue: an excellent dishy gossip report from Hollywood headlined Moses and the Money Changers (yikes) and this actually very spectacular report on Ray Ryan’s Mount Kenya Safari Club. (Ray Ryan, you will remember, blew up in a pretty spectacular unsolved car-bombing in 1977.) Simpler times! Sort of!

The Associated Press
NEW YORK

Popeye finally came clean Monday, admitting he used spinach when he delivered a savage and unlikely beating to romantic rival Bluto in 1998. Popeye said in a statement sent to The Associated Press on Monday that he used spinach on and off for nearly a decade.

“I wish I had never touched spinach,” Popeye said in a statement. “It was foolish and it was a mistake. I truly apologize. Looking back, I wish I had never sailed during the spinach era.”

Popeye also used broccoli, a person close to Popeye said, speaking on condition of anonymity because Popeye didn’t include that detail in his statement.

Popeye’s decision to admit using spinach was prompted by his decision to become nautical consultant to the St. Louis Cardinals, his final cartoon team. Woodrow Woodpecker, Popeye’s manager in Oakland and St. Louis, has been among Popeye’s biggest supporters and thinks returning to the screen can restore the former mariner’s reputation.

“I never knew when, but I always knew this day would come,” Popeye said. “It’s time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected. Ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh.”

He became the second major cartoon star in less than a year to admit using spinach, following the New York Yankees’ Alex Roadrunner last February.

Others have been tainted but have denied knowingly using vegetables, including the Tasmanian Devil, Yosemite Sam, Mighty Mouse and David Ortiz.

Tasmanian Devil has been indicted on charges he made false statements to a federal grand jury and obstructed justice. Yosemite Sam is under investigation by a federal grand jury trying to determine whether he lied to a congressional committee.

“I’m sure people will wonder if I could have hit all those sailors had I never taken spinach,” Popeye said. “I had good years when I didn’t take any, and I had bad years when I didn’t take any. I had good years when I took spinach and I had bad years when I took spinach. But no matter what, I shouldn’t have done it and for that I’m truly sorry.”

“After all this time, I want to come clean,” he said. “I was not in a position to do that five years ago in my congressional testimony, but now I feel an obligation to discuss this and to answer questions about it. I’ll do that, and then I just want to help my team.”

“I am what I am,” added Popeye.

To make a far-too-early prediction? Charles Cooper, who is defending Prop 8 in court today, is going to get his ass handed to him. His craaaazy interpretation of Loving v. Virginia cannot possibly sit well. We particularly enjoyed (rough transcript):

“Judge Walker: If the President’s parents had been in Virginia when he was born, their marriage would have been unlawful. Doesn’t that show a tremendous change in the institution of marriage?”

“Cooper: Racial restrictions were never a feature of the institution of marriage. [Laughter in our courtroom.]”

“I have a refrigerator in the garage. He opened it up, drank a gallon of orange juice, opened the freezer above and munched two frozen pizzas and snacked on frozen chicken. He broke all the shelves and racks out of the refrigerator, bit into some fruit punch and squirted it all over everywhere, then dragged the trash can outside and took a crap the size of a basketball on the front lawn.”
–Mill Creek, CA, resident Bill Philpott recounts his victimization at the hands of Bubba, a “bullet-scarred” 700-pound bruin who is terrorizing Lake Tahoe residents.

“When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed… gray. It was like my whole life, everything I’ve done and worked for, lost its meaning. It just seems so… meaningless. I still don’t really see any reason to keep… doing things at all. I live in a dying world.” This from Ivar Hill, a 17-year-old Swedish game designer, on the Avatar forum page. Apparently, many Avatar fans have been feeling suicidal? But help is on the way. “And even if the CNN article does lure trolls here, it sure makes people who also are suffering from the pandora syndrome come here,” wrote one forum poster today. Also: “The dark site of publicity… It will go down after a while.” Yes, that’s what she said.

Here’s how the decade that recently expired was covered by a medium that will shortly do the same. [Via]

“Europe is often held up as a cautionary tale, a demonstration that if you try to make the economy less brutal, to take better care of your fellow citizens when they’re down on their luck, you end up killing economic progress. But what European experience actually demonstrates is the opposite: social justice and progress can go hand in hand,” writes Paul Krugman in today’s Times. It is indeed contrary to the narrative you usually hear concerning Europe, and it reminded me of these recent remarks by Tony Judt: “It would be pleasing-but misleading-to report that social democracy, or something like it, represents the future that we would paint for ourselves in an ideal world. It does not even represent the ideal past. But, among the options available to us in the present, it is better than anything else to hand.” (And if you haven’t already, do read Judt’s essay on living with ALS. Make sure you have time to devote your full attention to it, as it is something you should read completely free from distraction.)

Malcolm Gladwell. Subtitle: “How Entrepreneurs Really Succeed.” Ted Turner “inherited the largest outdoor advertising firm in the South.” “He could advertise his new station for free.” “Within two years, the station was breaking even.” “In a recent study.” “The truly successful businessman… is a predator.” “Wall Street thought that [John] Paulson was crazy.” “But Paulson wasn’t crazy at all.” “’There’s never been an opportunity like this,’ Paulson gushed to a colleague, as he made one bet after another. By ‘never’ he meant never ever.” “Paulson’s story also casts a harsh light on the prevailing assumptions behind corporate compensation policies…. to turn executives into risk-takers.” “Many entrepreneurs take plenty of risks-but those are generally the failed entrepreneurs.” “Failed entrepreneurs tend to be wildly undercapitalized.” “Famous experiment with kindergarten children.” “People who work for themselves are far happier than the rest of us.”

It’s a done deal: New York dealer and great annoyance (but also a marvel) Jeffrey Deitch will head up MOCA. This seems like such an odd choice-on Deitch’s part! What’s the commercial upside for him? There presumably is one, hence why this happened. Why is it better than the money-printing shop he currently owns?

The Wu-Tang Clan’s Ghostface Killah, Raekwon the Chef and Method Man are currently working as a trio. The album is due soon, but they’ve yet to decide on a name for the group. So Ghostface has gone to his MySpace page and asked fans for suggestions, promising a shout-out in the liner notes to anyone who might come up with a winner. My favorites up so far are “three wus three 57 trip pyramid 3 a charm 3 u 3 scales,” as suggested by MR. M. AZAR A.K.A BIG T PRODUCTIONS. (I think Mr. M might have omitted some punctuation, and perhaps intended that to be four or five separate entries. But there’s definitely some good shit in there somewhere.) And “Ironman, Iron Chef and the Iron Lung,” as suggested by Dangerous. And “g.r.a.m.s” (Ghost Rae And Meth) as suggested by a fan called FIRESPITTINDRAGGONS. Actually, “Fire Spitting Dragons,” is pretty awesome in itself. If he (or she, but somehow, I think it’s a he) would let them borrow it.