The good news for Winston, the Chattanooga bulldog seen here masticating a vehicle belonging to the city’s law enforcement department, is that he has served his time in the canine penitentiary and is being returned to his owners under strict probation. Unfortunately, we all know that once a fierce beast like this develops a taste for constabulary conveyance flesh, his hunger is never again satiated by anything else. It’s only a matter of time before he re-offends. [Via]

I have always wanted someone to explain the huge phenomenon of gay Czech porn, and now someone has! It is fascinating. But, of course, the Internet (let’s destroy it!), and the recession, are causing a downturn. “Back then, when the internet didn’t offer as much free material and models weren’t so easy to find, Alan Capier made as much as 130,000 crowns a month ($7,303), more than 10 times as much as he earned as a paramedic. But he was one of the highest earners in the porn business. Most models never dreamed of making more than $2,000 monthly. Still, it was a nice income, often for no more than three actual days of work a month. Those days are over. There is too much competition now.” (via)

What do you do after you’ve fired blogger John Carney as managing editor of Clusterstock on grounds of lack of cheap sensationalism? Why not have a snippy little girl-spat with Reuters finance blogger Felix Salmon! Go Henry Blodget, go! Show the tweens how it’s done.

Also, you know what? The Internet: Let’s Get Rid Of It.

Neutral Milk Hotel recluse Jeff Mangum will be making a rare appearance at a benefit show here in town this May, and it’s already causing controversy!

Since the show will certainly sell out quickly no matter what, we’ll be honest and say that while there is no artist we’d rather see perform than Mangum (in the world), the fact that every single person there will be holding up a Flip Cam or iPhone to record it, ruining the moment and breaking our hearts, means we will be skipping the show and waiting for the YouTube footage to be uploaded that night. (And no, the irony of that isn’t lost on us.)

This is the best excuse I’ve heard to avoid making a charitable contribution yet. Also, probably true.

No prizes for guessing: “Sinead O’Connor, a musician and mother of four, lives in Dublin.”

A privileged, white blogger-lady has taken to the pages of the Times magazine to TALK ABOUT HERSELF and her feelings! RELEASE THE HOUNDS!

Hi! We are still trying to kill the very few ads being served here that have auto-audio play. I HATE THEM. I know you do too! They are sneaky. And hard to track down in the ad interface. Please hold, our lord and master David Cho is on it. (Also? If you get one, please send in the URL.) KTHX SORRY.

It is already responsible for our nation’s obesity epidemic, and it provides most Americans with the majority of fecal material they unwittingly eat each week, but could fast food also be the cause of our growing impatience? Science says yes!

In one experiment, the researchers flashed fast food symbols, such as the golden arch of McDonald’s, on a computer screen for a few milliseconds, so quick that participants couldn’t consciously identify what they saw.

In a subsequent task, those who had been exposed to the symbols read faster than participants not exposed to fast food, even when there was no advantage to finishing sooner. In another study, participants who recalled a time when they ate at a food restaurant subsequently preferred time-saving products, such as a two-in-one shampoo, over regular products.

A final experiment found people exposed to fast food logos exhibited greater reluctance for saving, choosing a smaller immediate payment rather than opting for a much larger delayed payment.

The researchers concede that fast food might just as well be a symptom of our society’s desire-ah, fuck it, I’m not gonna string out another hundred words on this, it’ll take forever. Here’s your takeaway: Fast food is the reason you can’t sit still on your enormous ass. Also, it is full of doody. Next post please!

The Times continues its “what did the Pope know and when did he know it” series today, this time with a story that claims Benedict “was kept more closely apprised of a sexual abuse case in Germany than previous church statements have suggested,” having been appraised that “a priest, whom he had approved sending to therapy in 1980 to overcome pedophilia, would be returned to pastoral work within days of beginning psychiatric treatment. The priest was later convicted of molesting boys in another parish.” Bill Donohue of the Catholic League is unimpressed.

Let’s say Archbishop Joseph Ratzinger, now the pope, did in fact learn of the transfer. So what? Wasn’t that what he expected to happen? After all, we know from a March 16 Times story that when Ratzinger’s subordinates recommended therapy for Hullermann, he approved it. That was the drill of the day: after being treated, the patient (I prefer the term offender) returns to work. It’s still the drill of the day in many secular quarters today, particularly in the public schools. A more hard-line approach, obviously, makes more sense, but the therapeutic industry is very powerful.

I am not at all aware of any public schools today where teachers who sexually molest their pupils are given their jobs back after a brief spell of therapy, but if that is in fact the case then I have been underestimating the power of the teachers’ unions for way too long. In any event, a response of “So what?” is astoundingly offensive, particularly if you read the documents concerning Rev. Lawrence C. Murphy, the American priest who molested hundreds of deaf students. You can find them here, but I should warn you that they make for horrifying reading. This, for example, comes from an interview with Murphy by the archdiocese of Milwaukee, and is a profile of his victims. The fact that it’s handwritten somehow makes it even more terrible.

But, you know, that was all a long time ago, and they did things differently then. So what?