Weird news! Those tar balls down in Key West are totally unrelated to the Great Gulf Oil Spill. But good news! A “new computer model forecasts black oil ringing the Florida peninsula next week.”

Correction: The William Shatner-led sitcom adaptation of the “Shit My Dad Says” Twitter feed has been dubbed Bleep My Dad Says, not Shat My Dad Says as originally hoped/feared. Although is “Bleep” that much better? Either way, it will be pitted against 30 Rock, which I’m sure will have something to say about its combination of stunt casting and silly titling, at 8:30 p.m. ET on Thursdays.

“Goldman’s many hats — trader, adviser, underwriter, matchmaker of buyers and sellers, and salesperson — has left some clients feeling bruised or so wary that they have sometimes avoided doing business with the bank.” — The New York Times. Who are these clients? Let’s investigate!

â —  Washington Mutual. (Seized by the government in 2008 after a run on the bank in which nearly 10% of deposits were withdrawn, after the bank embraced a business strategy high-fee services for providing loans and credit to “risky” clients. Shareholder class action lawsuits over the seizure are ongoing.)

â —  University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. (Not just a group of hospitals! The UPMC actually has a large wing of for-profit companies, including insurance companies, in addition to hospitals in Ireland and Qatar.)

â —  New Jersey. (With up to $4.2 billion in debt, as much as $3,478 per resident as of early 2008, New Jersey turned to Goldman Sachs to raise that cash and panicked when other divisions in the company noticed that the debt of New Jersey was a potential disaster.)

â —  Thornburg Mortgage. (A now-bankrupt high-end mortgage lender, whose top four executives cashed themselves out handsomely right before the company folded. And then were sued for essentially looting the office.)

The Times may or may not also include AIG in this list of “worried” clients, but it seems unlikely that they could have, as in no way did AIG “avoid” “doing business” with the bank at any time in that company’s extremely deep relationship with Goldman Sachs.

Number of times the words “bet” or “betting” appear in the piece, conveying a fundamental misunderstanding of what different and shielded divisions do with money at firms like Goldman; 19. Number of times the word “wager,” “wagers,” or “wagered” appear in the piece; 6.

Curmudgeonly Guns N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose has sued his former manager Irving Azoff for $5 million, saying that Azoff sabotaged sales of 2008’s forever-in-the-making Chinese Democracy and tried to screw up the band’s live itinerary around the release of that album in hopes that Rose would begrudgingly reunite with the probably more lucrative Appetite For Destruction-era lineup of the group, despite there being many bygones to be bygoned on that front. The release of Chinese Democracy was certainly one that raised a lot more questions than it answered, and it would appear that this particular piece of litigation is something of an attempt to answer at least a few of them. Would Chinese Democracy have sold better had it not been sold only at Best Buy outlets, which didn’t really go the distance as far as promoting the thing? Did it need Slash’s guitar lines as a selling point? Or would it have sold better if it didn’t sound like it had been labored over for 14 years?

The lawsuit will certainly shed a bit more light on one of the more murkily twist-filled (yet ultimately disappointing) pieces of recent rock and roll lore. But is something of a risky move for Rose as far as his future in the business goes; not only is Azoff his former manager, he’s the guy in charge of the behemoth concert-promotion-slash-ticketing company known as Live Nation Entertainment — the end product of the recently approved merger between Live Nation and Ticketmaster. Perhaps this is a sign that the man is, once and for all, done with the business. But if Axl does want to tour again while this litigation is going on, where will he play? Basement shows? Or just the basement of the John Varvatos store that sits where CBGB once did?

One thing’s for sure: A sequel to this song is long overdue.

His name is Ed Balls, and his candidacy for the leadership of Britain’s Labour party will actually be an important indicator on which direction that nation’s opposition wishes to take after a dispiriting defeat (he is identified with the Gordon Brown wing of the party, while his chief rivals are Tony Blair proteges), but that’s not what really matters here: If you think I’m passing up something with the headline “Balls expected to enter fray” you are giving me far too much credit for maturity and taste.

There was politics last night! In Pennsylvania, party-switching career politician Arlen Specter saw his career end in a Democratic primary loss to Rep. Joe Sestak, marking the first time Pennsylvania Democrats were able to beat Specter statewide. In Kentucky, Rand “Son of Ron” Paul beat the establishment candidate in the Republican Senate primary, proving that the Tea Party movement “is huge,” and not too crazy for Kentucky Republicans. In Arkansas, incumbent Democratic Sen. Blanche Lincoln was forced into a run-off with Lt. Gov. Bill Halter in what an Arkansas paper adorably thinks is “one of the most closely watched Senate races in the nation.” It was, everybody agrees, a bad night for incumbents and a sign that America is fed up with blah blah blah etc. (Of course Dems in Pennsylvania were able to hold on to the late Jack Murtha’s seat, a feat which Politico suggests “casts serious doubt on the idea that the Democratic House majority is in jeopardy and offers comfort to a Democratic Party that is desperately in search of a glimmer of hope,” but that messes with the narrative, so let’s not go too crazy.) Anyway, it all means something, and will continue to do so until the next thing happens, at which point it might mean something else. Politics!

So last we checked on Gucci Mane’s crony Waka Flocka Flame, it was to marvel at the cover art of his latest mixtape, Lebron Flocka James Pt. 2. What’s he been up to since? Well, the Atlanta rapper has had some success with his single “O Let’s Do It.” He appeared on The Mo’Nique Show last night to perform it. And he surely enjoyed the peekytoe crab salad at Gucci’s welcome home party last week. But also, and unfortunately, while filming a video with Gucci on their city’s West side, Flocka was confronted by a group of local guys-one of whom was very vociferous in wanting to fight-who brought along a video camera to catch it all on tape. The clip is not so much fun to watch. It’s a bummer.

But it provides a look at a phenomenon rappers rap about a lot: once somebody achieves money and fame, it becomes beneficial for other guys to try to instigate violence-to make themselves a name. The one who has the money and the fame, of course, has much more to lose. Like Jay-Z said back on 1998’s “Streets Is Watchin’”: “Look, if I shoot you, I’m brainless/But if you shoot me, then you’re famous…”

This sucks for Flocka. What’s he supposed to do?

Oh my, here is a review of David Shields’ Reality Hunger: “To a certain kind of white writer, engaged in the increasingly professionalized and seemingly “nice” work of churning out novels, poems, essays, and reviews, the rapper DJ comes to stand for this brazen, unapologetic appropriator, regardless of whether actual rappers think of themselves as heroes of ‘copyleft,’ Proudhonists of the ghetto. The image of the rapper grants the writer a license to ill, even as Shields and co. implicitly deny rap lyricists any originality of their own.” The idea of “remix culture” is also fascinating in light of the age of plagiarism.

A Portland-area burger chain has followed in the footsteps of the much less caloric chain Red Mango and added calorie, fat, and fiber information to its receipts, along with suggestions on how you can make your order healthier. (Sample tip: “If you are trying to eat healthier, try ‘holding the chipotle mayo’ on your sandwich and save 180 calories and 18 grams of fat.” Noted! Also, ew, mayo.) So this way, while you’re waiting for your Half Pound Colossal Cheeseburger to be prepared at your local Burgerville, you can sit back and think hard about what you’re about to do to yourself — or, you know, just use that information-rich piece of paper to wipe off your greasy hands when you’re all done. [Via]

The rains that fall upon us now should end sometime tomorrow night
Thursday will be warmer and the sun will offer much more light
The clouds return on Saturday and Sunday should see rain again
But you’ll have had at least three days of warm and decent sun by then

The temperature is rising and will soon be more appropriate
The coming buildup of high pressure’s sure to help you cope with it
Despondent as you might all be by walking ‘round in skies of gray
I’d venture to remind you that we’re merely in the midst of May

I’d hope you do not think that I am simply an apologist
I’m only trying to look at things as a meteorologist
In fact the records show that if you’re speaking categorically
We’ve had less rain in thirty days than we have had historically

It happens almost every year as spring becomes the summer
The seasonal precipitation tends to make one glummer
But lest you try to hang yourself, please listen, it will all be right
The rains that fall upon us now should end sometime tomorrow night