Sarah Palin, Jewier than thou: “Maybe it’s not just Palin’s right-wing politics that gets secular Jews so riled up. Maybe it’s also that Palin, that idiot, may actually know more about Judaism and feel no discomfort about emulating Jewish traditions and Jewish particularism in the way that they seem to.”

The great news about being gay is that no one really hates you in D.C. It’s just politics: “When I speak to a gay Capitol Hill staffer whose own boss has a terrible record on gay rights, he explains that part of what enables him to maintain a clear conscience is the idea that the man for whom he works is merely playing to the base. As he says, ‘I’ve been out to my boss for years and he’s never cared. He said, I’m glad you told me, it’s never going to be an issue, let’s get back to work and do good things for my district.’” Oh that’s so much better. Also! “Some of it is just political jousting, it’s about vote-getting and stirring the pot and playing to the base. It’s what they feel they must do to survive politically,” says Mark Foley. Hmm. It was 2003, was it? That this happened: “Republican Congressman Mark Foley of Florida thinks it’s ‘revolting and unforgivable’ that people are openly speculating that he is gay.” Finally, I just wanted to say “playing to the base, playing to the base” a few times because it’s mildly amusing.

Good news, America, here come the YOUNG GUNS, a bunch of white guys in their forties who are going to clean up the mess they hope you forget that they helped make in their thirties. YOUNG GUNS! They’re tough conservatives who are going to change the way Washington works, and the only thing that scares them is the idea that they’re going to have to have regular colonoscopy screenings soon. YOUNG GUNS! They’re here to make John Boehner look like an elder statesman. YOUNG GUNS! What are they rebelling against? WHADDA YOU GOT?

Glenn Beck’s new mainstream media website is live, by the way. Headlines include: “Is the EPA to blame for bedbugs?” “Record number of Americans rely on government to get by.” And my favorite: “Ground Zero Imam: I’ve ‘Always Been’ a Jew and a Christian: Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, the man behind the Ground Zero mosque, claims to be a Jew, Christian, and a Muslim. But some say that’s impossible.” Haha, yes! Impossible. I wonder though if the EPA really is to blame for bedbugs. I’ll be up all night tossing and turning and scratching about that.

Kanye West With Justin Bieber and Raekwon, “Runaway Love (Remix);” Kanye West With Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj and Bon Iver, “Monster”

The busy, busy Kanye West took a pretty simple approach to his much-hyped bringing together of teeny-bopper Justin Bieber and the Wu-Tang Clan’s Raekwon: he basically recorded Rae and himself rapping over the grimy finger-snap beat from the 1993’s “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing Ta F’ Wit” (funny that, when Rae was so careful to write lyrics appropriate for his 16-year-old co-star), and laid clips of Bieber’s vocal track overtop for the chorus. But in the way that shows how simple is so often best, it sounds pretty great. It definitely has the feel of the mid-’90s heyday of hip-hop/R&B; mashups. You could almost imagine hearing it between Method Man and Mary J. Blige’s “All I Need” and Mariah’s “Fantasy” remix with O.D.B. at the Tunnel. And at least from the first few listens, I prefer it to this other Kanye track that came out over the weekend, “Monster,” featuring Rick Ross, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj and Bon Iver.

This shocking New York Post exposé this morning reveals that 6’4″ 240-pounder Roger Clemens ate a big sandwich, a big salad and orange juice at a courthouse! And then he went and played some golf, using “burnt orange” balls, reveals the Daily News! In between those events, he pleaded not guilty to lying to Congress and some things and was allowed to retain his passport, reveals the Washington Post. Later, AP will report from their urinal-cam.

by Abe Sauer

America is under attack from a religion that would see its freedoms taken away, see the clock of progress turned back and assure the institution of a theocracy. These religious fanatics are building their houses of worship in our backyards and, worse, being recognized by the highest levels of our political system. As it is often said, they hate America for its freedom.

Of course, we’re speaking of the Mormonofascists.

Alarmists would have Americans believe that Muslims are looking to entrench themselves in American communities to, if not commit outright terrorism, infect the American culture with a theocratic system of worshiping the Koran. And for sure, Islam itself faces major questions about tolerance, best summed up by Christopher Hitchens in his statement that “We are wrong to talk as if the only subject was that of terrorism.”

But make no mistake! There is a deeper, more sinister threat to American freedoms and our way of life: Mormon fanatics. From massive out-of-state financial support for anti-civil rights legislation to clandestine leveraging of media power for demagoguery, this specter has no greater current American practitioner than Glenn Beck. One of them, quietly downplaying his religious affiliation right now, sleeper style because it’s politically convenient, even wants to be our next President.

Which is more dangerous: A bunch of guys kneeling on carpets a couple of times a day near your home, with maybe a tiny handful of them academically planning your death 12,000 miles away, or a church pumping millions of dollars to secretly influence elections in other states, with Glenn Beck using his considerable clout to promote the Wallbuilders organizations? This is an outfit that, in its own words, means to:

exert a direct and positive influence in government, education, and the family by (1) educating the nation concerning the Godly foundation of our country; (2) providing information to federal, state, and local officials as they develop public policies which reflect Biblical values; and (3) encouraging Christians to be involved in the civic arena.

This country is being transformed. It’s way beyond prayer in school. It is way beyond the war on Christmas. It is into Mormon nationalism.

As for preposterous reaches of the scripture’s fundamentalism, which is harder to believe? That however-many virgins are waiting for you in heaven or that an angel appeared before a 19th century ne’er-do-well to reveal to him golden plates containing an unknown American religious history which the man then translated using stones placed in a stovepipe hat, only to later lose the plates back to the angel before anyone else could ever see them? (A note to Americans: That both religions in their most fundamentalist form endorse and condone, as the pinnacle reward for piety, sexual access to numerous virgins suggests that they could eventually team up to rise against our liberty. Be vigilant.)

Which “training camp” is more dangerous? A sand lot equipped with monkey bars in some ditch half a world away, or a university with a $500 million endowment and an MBA program ranked in the nation’s top 20?

Did you know Mormonism is the fastest growing religion in the United States? If just three percent of Mormons are Mormonofascists like Beck, that’s an incredibly large number of them looking to turn back progress and reverse American freedoms. And, sure, the Islamists are building a few mosques here and there, but the Mormons are building many times more temples every day in our neighborhoods. Maybe you have not noticed them, since they usually draw no attention to themselves, often appearing to be just any other American church. That’s not an accident.

This is a disease in America. It’s not just spending, it’s not just taxes, it’s not just corruption. It is a Mormonofascist drive to a theocratic utopia. Every time Mormons achieve positions of power, we lose more of who we are. When you give up your right to struggle, you’re giving more of your freedom away. We are destroying our children’s future. There comes a point where you must stop and realize that we cannot do this. In fact, there is a cancer that is radicalized Mormonism, and it must be cut out or it’s going to kill all of us (including the good Mormons).

And yes, there are those good Mormons. It’s a small portion of Mormonism that is acting to destabilize and bring about the downfall of the American values of freedom we love. But where are the good Mormons speaking up? Why don’t we hear from them? Why don’t they denounce the evil Mormons?

Make no mistake, the flame of freedom is dwindling. The shining city on the hill, the sun is setting. If you don’t want it to go out on our watch, then you must stand in the blaze. The fire of truth that does not burn those who stand in it, but consumes everything that is not! Point others to the truth!

I beg you, America, I beg you. Great and powerful evil is on our doorstep. Great and powerful evil is here. I beg you, read about the Mormons like Glenn Beck.

Abe Sauer begs you!

“Had enough of Fido’s unbearable morning breath?” Why yes I have, W magazine! Thank you for turning me on to this $32 Santa Maria Novella Dog & Cat Talc.

The White House has released the text of the President’s speech today. Part of it goes like this! “We know that in the final few months of last year, small businesses accounted for more than 60 percent of the job losses in America. That’s why we’ve passed eight different tax cuts for small businesses and worked to expand credit for them. But we have to do more. And there’s currently a jobs bill before Congress that would do two big things for small business owners: cut more taxes and make available more loans…. Unfortunately, this bill has been languishing in the Senate for months, held up by a partisan minority that won’t even allow it to go to a vote.”

A press release in our mailbox! “New York State Assemblymember Linda B. Rosenthal (D/WF, Manhattan) announced that her legislation requiring landlords to disclose to prospective tenants any history of bedbug infestation in the apartment building and individual unit within the past year was signed into law by Governor Paterson today…. Assemblymember Rosenthal (D/WF) represents the Upper West Side of Manhattan and parts of Clinton/Hell’s Kitchen.” You mean CLINTON/BEDBUG’S KITCHEN.