“Five teams of humans will compete to keep their robots walking over the grueling event, switching out servos and batteries (but not the entire robot) as needed. In order to win a bot must complete 422 laps of a 100 meter course outlined on the 11th floor of Osaka’s ATC building.”
 — A group of Japanese robot programmers are in the midst of three very, very long days right now. You can watch the “Roborama Full” robot marathon live, here, for as long as you’d like to. But it is some slow-going action. I hope for their sake they can somehow have this song by Canadian composer Didier Manchione song playing as a soundtrack the whole time. That and a massive pile of drugs to take.

Who’s going to be in this year’s Parade of the Dead at Sunday’s Oscars?

by Robert Lanham

CATEGORY: Feel-good + Sports Comedies
FILM: Strike (also known as 7–10 Split)
YEAR: 2007
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Realizing that his chances of becoming a movie star are increasingly slim, aspiring actor Ross Vegas turns his focus to bowling, and before long he’s anointed as the PBA’s newest rising star.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “As a professional bowler, I admired the realism of this film portraying the sport that has given me so much over the years… The drama made me remember such sport classics as Hoosiers, Rocky 1,2 and 3, and of course, She’s the Man.”

CATEGORY: Goofy + Buddies & Gal Pals
FILM: Sex Pot
YEAR: 2009
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “[A] raunchy comedy about two wannabe Don Juans who have no luck with the ladies. That is, until the pair happens upon a stash of pot that the honeys find an irresistible turn-on. If breast-baring babes and killer weed are among your interests, then this sex- and smoke-filled romp is the film for you.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “Any movie that’s cool with public masturbation is cool by me… Expect bizarre misconceptions of pot and stoners. A lot of little things (coitus with a donut, a girl rubbing gorilla dung on her chest, the fact that the car on the poster is never in the movie) make this one a favorite of mine.”

CATEGORY: Underdog + Animal Tales
FILM: Soccer Dog: European Cup
YEAR: 2004
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “After his mother’s death, a young boy, Zach, moves to Scotland to live with his father. There, Zach meets a dog that’s escaped from a laboratory after being imbued by researchers with extraordinary strength and agility. When the dog demonstrates a surprising talent for soccer, Zach and his father enlist the pooch in their effort to help boost the confidence of a losing Scottish soccer team.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “*The Squealing Sheep Inn* (name of the Inn they stay at in the movie) LOL… no kid would get that joke!… if your kids are really young and like soccer they will like this movie!”

CATEGORY: Inspiring + TV Shows + Strong Women
TV SHOW: “Curl Girls “
YEAR: 2007
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Ride the waves alongside the surfing-obsessed lesbian sextet of Gingi, Michele, Melissa, Erin, Vanessa and Jessica with this popular reality series, as the friends balance work, romances and everything else with their love affair with surfing.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “I live in so cal, and this show doesn’t do justice to the LA/Long Beach lez scene. Some poor girl watching this is Iowa is going to be like “Wow — that is what so-cal Lez girls are like?” No, we are not like this… And this is coming from a girl that goes out, and does the whole weho/club scene. I just wish they would have got some girls that could actually surf and were athletes.”
ANOTHER HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “Drama, Drama, Drama, Surfing, Drama Drama, Fake Crying, Drama Drama DRAMA! Pretty much “The Hills” with Gay Surfing.”

CATEGORY: Raunchy + Dysfunctional Families
FILM: A Christmas Too Many
YEAR: 2007
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Mickey Rooney, Ruta Lee, Marla Maples and Gary Coleman star in this madcap holiday comedy, in which an aging Hollywood actress invites her eccentric family to Malibu for Christmas, and everything — and everybody — goes haywire. With a son-in-law eager to hunt the only local game for Christmas dinner — the neighbor’s guinea pigs — this crazy clan decks the halls with outrageous yuletide merriment.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “Im being forced to watch this ENTIRE movie!! Im at the point where I want to stab my eyes out!!”

CATEGORY: Violent + Erotic Thriller
FILM: Witch’s Sabbath
YEAR: 2005
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “A coven of sexy witches uses a strip club as a cover to lure unsuspecting victims to a deadly lair in this wicked horror tale… To remain together, the femmes fatales must kill 666 people before the Dark Lord arrives on Halloween. Invited to the witches’ mansion for a feast, little do the club’s selected clientele suspect that a little decapitation is on the menu, too.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “Everything is so obviously fake, especially the cool aid water that is supposed to be blood. Even the women’s breasts look fake. There is a lot of nudity and soft porn situations and even a cameo by Ron Jeremy, but these do not save this mediocre low budget mess. What a waste!”

CATEGORY: Mad Scientists
FILM: Retardead
YEAR: 2008
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Mad scientist Dr. Stern is turning students into super-smart cannibalistic zombies, and the local cops are too busy chasing a sex fiend to stop the flesh-eating ghouls. Fortunately, Stern’s nemesis, FBI agent Susan Hannigan, is on the case. As the ravenous monsters overrun the town, Hannigan tries to convince Stern’s faithful assistant to reveal how to foil the crazed doctor’s evil scheme.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “There is no nudity, but there are some sexual references and there is some sexy female zombie dancing. If you have never seen a zombie with a crayon up his nose, here is where it is happening.

CATEGORY: Quirky + Raunchy
FILM: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself
YEAR: 2005
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Playing straight man to partners half his size, ventriloquist Jeff Dunham — one of America’s funniest comics — slays audiences throughout the United States.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “Doctors should be prescribing this DVD as medication. Laughter is truly the best medicine. I was in the hospital watching this movie on my portable player. It was a good thing I was hooked up to the bag that makes it so you don’t have to get up to go the bathroom or I would have surely wet the bed from laughter… Without a doubt Walgreens should be distributing this DVD through their pharmacy department!”

CATEGORY: Gritty + Bisexual
FILM: Horsey
YEAR: 2000
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Delilah Miller is an explosive 23-year-old painter who struggles to reconcile her insatiable appetite for both men and women in her search for a real relationship. She starts a romance with rock musician Ryland Yale, a sexy, possessive and undependable heroin addict…”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “If you are in need of a dose of cinema with depressed, angry, irresponsible, malnourished, hard-drug addicted dropouts dregs of society who jump from bed to bed like the characters of “FRIENDS,” this might satisfy your craving.”

CATEGORY: Blockbusters + Exciting
FILM: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
YEAR: 2009
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Brendan Fraser and Marlon Wayans star in this action-packed G.I. Joe adventure, in which Hawk, Ripcord, Heavy Duty and the rest of the elite special mission force set out to stop evil arms dealer Destro and his minions.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “If you blow up an Arctic iceflow, hoping that chunks will descend like depth charges to destroy your enemys submarines…WATER! IS! MORE! DENSE! THAN! ICE! WHICH! IS! WHY! ICE! FLOATS! YOU! MORONS! And now you know…and knowing is half the battle. BOTTOM LINE: Go, Joe. GO FAR, FAR AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK, JOE!”

CATEGORY: Children & Family + The Military
FILM: Operation Dumbo Drop
YEAR: 1995
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Five Green Berets stationed in Vietnam in 1968 grudgingly undertake the mission of a lifetime — to secretly transport an 8,000-pound elephant through 200 miles of rough jungle terrain. High jinks prevail when Capt. Sam Cahill (Danny Glover) promises the Montagnard villagers of Dak Nhe that he’ll replace their prized elephant in time for an important ritual. But for Capt. T.C. Doyle (Ray Liotta), the mission becomes a jumbo-sized headache!”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “…a trully inspiring work.”

CATEGORY: Sentimental + Latino Dramas
FILM: El Cantante
YEAR: 2007
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “Spanning three decades in the life of salsa great Hector Lavoe (Marc Anthony) — from his 1963 arrival in New York to his 1993 death from AIDS — this biopic tells the Puerto Rican singer’s story in flashback from the perspective of his Bronx-born wife (Jennifer Lopez).”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “Acting was bad, JLo should keep singing and dancing. Acting is not her strength. Marc is a great actor and singer. Too skinny, he needs to gain some weight. Stop smoking, you are dry, your skin… I am from the island of PR and felt horrible when I saw this movie.”

CATEGORY: Goofy + Crime Action
FILM: Beer for My Horses
YEAR: 2008
NETFLIX SUMMARY: “When a drug lord abducts the girlfriend (Claire Forlani) of Deputy Sheriff “Rack” Racklin (Toby Keith), he ignores his boss’s orders and hits the road to rescue her. A fellow lawman (Rodney Carrington) and a loose cannon bow hunter named Skunk (Ted Nugent) tag along to help, but things don’t go as planned. Willie Nelson, Tom Skerritt and Barry Corbin also star in this comic actioner inspired by the chart-topping country single of the same name.”
HELPFUL USER REVIEW: “This is a great redneck comedy, similar to Witless Protection and Delta Farce, although it’s not as over the top wacky and it has fewer fart jokes. And of course it doesn’t have Larry the Cable Guy in it.”

Robert Lanham is the author of the beach-towel classic The Emerald Beach Trilogy, which includes the titles Pre-Coitus, Coitus, and Afterglow. More recent works include The Hipster Handbook and The Sinner’s Guide to the Evangelical Right. He is the founder and editor of FREEwilliamsburg.com.

by saythatscool

From commenter fenkalevobocek in Your Donations Are Off to Madison:

This is amazing. I started reading Gawker when I was an undergrad at NYU, and I’ve been reading The Awl since it started, and that supply list is the same one I’ve been looking at on the office wall for the past week. I’m a TA and union member at UW-Milwaukee, and I’ve been in Madison working with my union & my sister union at UW-Madison as much as possible since all of this started. To come home from a long day at the Capitol and see this post, to know that list probably came from either the info table on the rotunda or our office, I can’t even believe it. The amount of support that we’ve gotten, our unions and every public union and everyone that’s been out in Madison since last week, is completely unreal and makes everything that we’re doing possible. This started out as this local thing, and to see how much support we’ve gotten and how much it’s grown every day, I can’t even believe it. I’m sorry, I’m not usually this sincere (I’m a little drunk on all this solidarity and also wine & Jim Beam), but damn. Thank you. Thank you so, so much. This is just so so so awesome and makes me love The Awl more than I already did.

Once again: Nice work, everyone.

“This is the height of the conservative movement’s pathological projection: Whatever they are accused of being or doing, the LEFT is the TRULY GUILTY PARTY. (This is the ‘liberals are the REAL racists’ line, which is more of a comforting mantra than a compelling argument.)”

The things you learn from Twitter. I signed on to Twitter two weeks ago. (Because you’re supposed to now?) And so far it seems mostly like a way for me to write stuff in public which I will feel stupid about ten minutes after writing. I don’t really know whether to go the “Hey, read this important news article” route, or the “I like green Tabasco sauce better than red Tabasco sauce” route. (Judging from the importance of the information in this post so far, I should probably stick with Tabasco.) But you do learn interesting stuff from Twitter. It is, if nothing else, a very fast-flowing stream of information. Yesterday, I saw that I had gotten a new “follower.” (that word is so weird to me, as is so much about Twitter, but anyway…) His Twitter name is HITLAATLSCLA. His “real” name is Hitla’. He is from South Carolina, and he is associated with Bottom2thatop Entertainment LLC/AP Productions LLC/Corna’ Pocket Entertainment LLC. He is a rapper. And this is something I’ve been expecting for some time now.

Here is a song he made:

The part that I was expecting was that a rapper would name himself (or herself, it could have been a lady rapper, I suppose) after Adolf Hitler. Rap is an arena wherein controversy sells, and, as with punk rock before it, strenuous efforts to shock and offend are applauded and often rewarded. Rappers have been naming themselves controversial historical figures for a long time. There’s Tragedy Khadafi (who really should be rushing a new record to print this week) who is also known as the “Arab Nazi;” Capone and Noreaga; Nas “Escobar;” the producer Ayatollah, Wu-Tang Clan associates Cappadonna, who so-amazingly called himself “The Black Idi Amin” on his 1998 song “If It’s All Right With You” and Holocaust.

And Young Bleed’s Baton Rouge collective, the Concentration Camp (a shockingly bad name for a group — though it’s reminiscent to the great, if disturbing name of the phenomenally great post-punk band, Joy Division.)

I like some of the these artists very much, despite the fact that my grandparents, who were Holocaust survivors from Germany, probably would have very much not appreciated the names they chose for themselves. That makes me feel a little weird sometimes. But not so terribly. Art is art, and time moves on. Not that we should ever forget. We shouldn’t.

I interviewed Kool Keith once and he told me that he wanted to dress up like Hitler and spank a woman with a riding crop while having sex with her on stage. It made sense at the time. He was talking to me on the phone from Amsterdam, where he was performing in support of his 1997 album Sex Styles. Keith is a great provocateur.

Oh, and I had forgotten this, but Mel Brooks rapped as Hitler almost 30 years ago.

Oh, and here I see that the comedy troupe The Whitest Kids You Know did a similar spoof. (The things you learn from YouTube!)

And of course there’s this great mash-up from a couple years ago.

But anyway, I’ve been expecting for someone to actually come out rapping seriously under the name “Hitler.” Despite what we all know about Jews controlling the entertainment industry, it just seems like something somebody would think would work. (Maybe Mel Gibson will launch a record label?) And here I am, rewarding the tactic with publicity. So, there’s that. But Hitla’ is a terrible rap name, most of all for its lack of wit. You suspect there’s a bad pun being employed. (“Hitla’/I make hits like/Ben Stiller!”) That’s not an actual rhyme from the song. I just made it up. But judging from some of the other lyrics on “All Night,” you can imagine it might be written somewhere in the margins of his notebook.

I mean, you probably knew this was coming, right? It was just a race against time to see whether the NYT beat New York on it. I can’t wait until they start making after-school movies about this scourge of our nation’s youth. Anyway, let’s all say it together: “My Six-Year-Old? My Six-Year-Old Likes The iPad But I’m Also Scared About My Six-Year-Old.”

by Andrew Piccone

Tell me about your job.

I’m executive director; June will mark my 10th anniversary here. I report to our board of directors, but basically I’m in charge of running the day-to-day operations of our organization. I manage our staff, I manage our Americorps programs — together with them we have a few dozen people. I’m the chief media person, the chief public spokesman. It’s a lot of work but it’s all worth it. The coalition has been around since 1983. Soup kitchens have existed in New York City for at least 100 to 150 years — they’re also called missions. They deal mostly with skid row, stereotypical down-and-out and if I may use the non-P.C. term ‘bums’: the homeless, the substance abusing, people who are sort of on the margins of society, and there were a few dozen of those agencies in New York. The idea of a food pantry, where people get boxed and canned food from their neighbors, didn’t even exist in New York or America until the 1980s. Today there are over 1200 soup kitchens and food pantries in New York, nationwide there are over 40,000. The NYCCAH started in the Reagan era, when the economy and our social systems were failing and it was an umbrella group to represent the interest of those kitchens and pantries, and we still do that, and we do a lot more today as well.

Who typically benefits from these services?

There’s some overlap between soup kitchens and food pantries, but generally the population served by them varies. The soup kitchens have some families, some children, but mostly are adults, a little more male than female and they tend to be the poorest of the poor. They are disproportionately represented by homeless people who are tenuously housed or don’t have their own cooking facilities. Food pantries, which are the far more prevalent agency in New York City tend to serve families, more women than men, 95% of the people who go there are not homeless, but poor. They’re all across the racial spectrum, all across the age spectrum, the only thing that really unites them is that they’re poor. It’s people who are poor, who were at the edge of poverty and now, thanks to the recession, are poorer. Minimum wage is $7.25 an hour, that adds up to $14,000 a year full time, more than some New Yorkers would spend on one week’s ski trip. The 57 billionaires in New York City have as much money as a minimum wage salary of 13 million people.

What got you involved in hunger outreach?

I’ve been involved in government, politics and public service since I was 14. I worked in Bill Clinton’s first presidential campaign, and unlike a lot of the candidates I’ve worked for, he won. Before that I already had a background in policy work in what became the Americorps national service program, so I went to work for his administration in the start up of that program, and that led me to hunger work in the Department of Agriculture. I served in Washington there for eight years as a political appointee and when the administration ended I came back to New York and, basically, here I am.

What is the state of hunger in New York City in 2011?

It’s miserable. Over the past few years the situation went from bad to worse to worser. We had a major poverty and hunger crisis before the downturn, the downturn only added fuel to the fire. The situation would have been far worse without the economic recovery bill. I know it’s trendy for everyone to dump all over that and say it didn’t work, but I don’t think that’s factually true, particularly in the hunger realm. Between the stimulus bill and the natural increase of the food stamps program, because it goes up when the economy is bad, that’s the only life raft New Yorkers have had to survive the tidal wave of pain. Without that it would have been even more miserable. We’ve been able to prevent Great Depression style hunger here, it’s still bad, but a lot better than it would have been because we have these safety net programs in place. If these safety net programs are further eviscerated, we are going to see Depression style hunger, Darfur style hunger, Calcutta style hunger happening here in New York.

Hunger today is not people starving in the streets, but it’s people choosing between food and rent. It’s parents going without food to feed their children, and the greatest irony of all is that people are buying cheaper food that is less nutritious and more filling. People are buying chips, soda, whatever they can to fill their bellies. Now I don’t think the answer is restricting what people can buy. They tried to ban purchasing soda using food stamps, the USDA hasn’t ruled on it yet, but I think it would be a grave mistake, micromanaging the lives of poor people. People aren’t eating crapily because they don’t know better, which is the idea of the yuppies who want to place this on them, they’re eating junk because they can’t afford the more nutritious food or it doesn’t exist in their neighborhoods. There are many parts of New York where there are no healthy options. There are 1.4 million New Yorkers who can’t afford enough food. People like Michael Pollan, who I agree with on many issues, argue that food prices should be higher and that will bring justice to the food system. I say they’re out to lunch, so to speak. If 1.4 million people in New York can’t afford food as it is, the answer isn’t raising food prices, it’s figuring out other ways to keep family farmers on the land, how to make food more available, how to allow people to earn a living. Raising prices on poor people who can’t afford food now is a further recipe for disaster.

What is Mayor Bloomberg doing right? What is he doing wrong?

Generally he is doing right with most things relating to public health and generally doing wrong with most things relating to poverty. I disagree with him fiercely on his proposal to micromanage the lives of poor people. But other things, like the trans-fat ban, we supported strongly because it’s not picking on poor people, it’s widespread. We support the city’s efforts to allow people to buy more food at farmer’s markets using food stamps, that’s great. We support public information campaigns on soda and salt. Not mandating what people do but sending a message to everyone. That being said, doing these public health efforts where you’re addressing poverty and hunger you’re going to have a very limited impact. The biggest reason people are consuming these unhealthy things is that they don’t have healthy alternatives. We’re one of the few places in the United States where you still get electronic fingerprints from people before they can get food stamps. I know the mayor is proud of having different gun laws than Arizona, but he should think twice that we have similar social service policies. In Arizona you’re not fingerprinted to buy a Glock, but you are fingerprinted to get food stamps, just like in New York City. Governor Spitzer eliminated that policy in the rest of the state: it did not increase fraud; food stamp participation soared. It’s a case of stubbornness, getting the wrong advice and not trusting poor people. If AIG and Goldman Sacchs had 1/1000 of the restrictions that poor people have, we’d have a lot less financial crisis on Wall Street. The 46 states that don’t fingerprint have lower fraud rates and higher participation rates than the four states that do. The main reason behind poverty is inequality of wealth and lack of economic opportunity. The mayor has done nothing to address that.

Urban farming has become a trend in the last several years, how can this help?

It’s complicated. I think community farming is a helpful additive, but I think people who think this is a serious answer to structural and economic problems for 50 million Americans living with hunger don’t really understand the scope of the problem. Let me make it clear, my organization strongly supports community gardening and urban farming, we work with many different groups on this. But, for example, East New York, one of the poorest and hungriest parts of the city, has one of the most robust urban farming systems in New York. Even with the modernity of food production, nowhere in the United States is this a realistic solution for these problems. The foods that are being grown are not a diversity of foods, the volume can’t even come close to what people need, and growing seasons, even in Southern California or Florida they can’t do it. I mean, I like eating 12 months out of the year, not just when time sensitive foods are ripe. The other day I went by a community garden that was covered in snow after having eaten breakfast with berries from California and some other fruit from Chile. What I’m saying is that while there are definite problems with the international food system, there is this accepted response that all of that is evil and you should only eat local and it’s just not realistic. Many people who consider themselves locavores are eating a vast majority of food that is not local. A lot of what is perceived here as being local is not really local, it’s more regional. You get food at farmer’s markets from Long Island or New Jersey or the Finger Lakes region that had at least a few hours drive to get to its final destination. That carbon footprint kind of exceeds what I would call ‘local.’ Community gardens have a lot of positivity, it can bring so much to the city, to the neighborhood, they’re good things. They bring good. I’m not dumping on community supported agriculture in any way shape or form. We just want to send the nuanced message that it is not the solution to this problem. These are good, we should expand them, but we can’t fool ourselves that this is even close to realistic to solving these problems.

Andrew Piccone is a photographer in New York.

“A teenaged Texas beauty queen accused by contest sponsors of infractions including gaining too much weight by eating tacos was stripped of her crown on Wednesday.” [Via]

A web listings service of which I’ve never heard has released some “stunning data” about crime on Craiglist, putting them somewhere in bed with John Boehner or maybe Rick Santorum. How much crime happens on Craigslist? On average, points out Fast Company, “around 0.00005% of posts are associated with crimes on Craigslist.” That puts Craigslist use at somewhere on the safer side of flying in an airplane, which is far safer than sitting in your apartment, basically. And by the way, “crime” also includes prostitution and a whole lot of “other.” So they’re not only fearmongerers, they also hate proud American (sex) workers.