If you missed this Journal article about New Jersey governor Chris Christie over the weekend, here’s the best part: “’When the union says I want to eliminate tenure, that’s not true,’ he said. ‘I don’t want teachers to be afraid of political firings, retaliatory firings, inappropriate firings.’ The union could be forgiven for confusing his message. In his State of the State in January, he said: ‘The time to eliminate teacher tenure is now.’”

In case you headed to work without seeing any news and wondered as to why there was an increased police presence at your subway station, Osama bin Laden, the terrorist mastermind who “was elevated to the realm of evil in the American imagination once reserved for dictators like Hitler and Stalin” in the wake of the September 11 attacks on the United States, was killed in Pakistan and buried at sea. An event like this raises all sorts of emotions, and any number of questions: Will this hasten our exit from Afghanistan? Did Pakistan’s intelligence service tip us off to his whereabouts, and if so, why? (Did it have anything to do with this?) How many days will conservative commentators have to wait before claiming that Obama somehow did this wrong? Anyway, expect plenty of blather amidst the celebrations. I personally feel like the president struck exactly the right note, but I am well aware that this is one of those topics on which, to put it mildly, opinions will vary. (Also worth noting, per the city of New York: “Due to a heightened media presence around the World Trade Center. Vesey Street is closed between Broadway and Church Street. Expect traffic delays in the area.”)

Your unemployed friend: A handy guide

Your right to party: It does not technically exist

Your shoes, this spring: If you’re a dude

Your favorite canceled shows: Ranked by heartbreak

Your fancy downtown film festival: Notes from Tribeca

Your acquaintance who has cancer: Things not to say

Your great outdoors: If you’re into that sort of thing

Photo by pheanixphotos, from Flickr.

Are you a literary harlot? You are not alone.

Even Vladimir Nabokov had an eye for self-marketing, subtly suggesting to photo editors that they feature him as a lepidopterist prancing about the forests in cap, shorts and long socks. (“Some fascinating photos might be also taken of me, a burly but agile man, stalking a rarity or sweeping it into my net from a flowerhead,” he enthused.) Across the pond, the Bloomsbury set regularly posed for fashion shoots in British Vogue in the 1920s. The frumpy Virginia Woolf even went on a “Pretty Woman”-style shopping expedition at French couture houses in London with the magazine’s fashion editor in 1925.

Best of all? “In 1887, Guy de Maupassant sent up a hot-air balloon over the Seine with the name of his latest short story, ‘Le Horla,’ painted on its side.” Um, tacky! Tacky like an enormo mustache.

“Charlie Jandusay Fabella Jr., a teacher, and Bill Yosses, the executive pastry chef at the White House, were married Tuesday.” Now, Obama’s dessert-maker may be violating the sanctity of marriage, but lest we forget, he was hired by Laura Bush. And those were the good old days! Then Michelle Obama came in and basically made him stop making desserts and start tending bees and taking care of the garden. What kind of monster do you have to be to have a private pastry chef and you assign them to take care of vegetables?

“It started out with a leggy, bikini-clad avatar. She said she was a missile expert — the ‘1st Lady of Missiles,’ in fact — but sometimes suggested she worked with the CIA. With multiple Twitter and Facebook accounts, she earned a following of social media-crazed security wonks. Then came the accusations of using sex appeal for espionage.”
 — Awl pal Spencer Ackerman writes in Wired about the fascinating story of accused social networking spy Shawna Gorman, a.k.a. “PrimorisEra.” That first sentence is very reminiscent of L.L. Cool J’s “Going Back to Cali.”

111 Male Characters Of British Literature, In Order Of Bangability

111. Frankenstein’s Monster (Frankenstein, or The Modern Prometheus)
110. Uriah Heep (David Copperfield)
109. Casaubon (Middlemarch)
108. Bradley Headstone (Our Mutual Friend)
107. Samuel Pickwick (Pickwick Papers)
106. Gussie Fink-Nottle (Right Ho, Jeeves)
105. Keith Talent (London Fields)
104. Jerry Cruncher (Tale of Two Cities)
103. Hercule Poirot (The Mysterious Affair at Styles)
102. Ham Peggotty (David Copperfield)
101. Thorin Oakenshield (The Hobbit)
100. Tracy Tupman (Pickwick Papers)
99. Julian Malory (Excellent Women)
98. C.J. Stryver (A Tale of Two Cities)
97. Charles Arrowby (The Sea, the Sea)
96. Dr. Watson (“A Study In Scarlet”)
95. Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
94. Jim Dixon (Lucky Jim)
93. Edward Ferrars (Sense and Sensibility)
92. Colonel Brandon (Sense and Sensibility)
91. Percy Mannering (Memento Mori)
90. Edmund Bertram (Mansfield Park)
89. Augustus Snodgrass (Pickwick Papers)
88. Mr. Micawber (David Copperfield)
87. Bertram Wooster (“Extricating Young Gussie”)
86. Everard Bone (Excellent Women)
85. Peregrin Took (The Lord of the Rings)
84. Will Ladislaw (Middlemarch)
83. Flashman (Flashman)
82. J.P. Worthing (The Importance of Being Earnest)
81. Holly Martins (The Third Man)
80. Charles Bingley (Pride and Prejudice)
79. Alec Warner (Memento Mori)
78. Leopold Bloom (Ulysses)
77. Timothy Cavendish (Cloud Atlas)
76. Kubla Khan (“Kubla Khan”)
75. Aylwin Forbes (No Fond Return of Love)
74. Falstaff (Henry IV, Part I)
73. Sir Wilfred of Ivanhoe (Ivanhoe)
72. Stephen Colley (I Capture The Castle)
71. George Smiley (Call for the Dead)
70. Charles Ryder (Brideshead Revisited)
69. Simon Cotton (I Capture The Castle)
68. Peter Pan (Peter Pan; or, the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up)
67. Long John Silver (Treasure Island)
66. King Lear (King Lear)
65. Reginald Jeeves (“Extricating Young Gussie”)
64. Henry Pulling (Travels with My Aunt)
63. Romeo (Romeo and Juliet)
62. Tristram Shandy (The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman)
61. Winston Smith (Nineteen Eighty-Four)
60. Roland Michell (Possession)
59. Crow (Crow)
58. Brigadier Etienne Gerard (The Exploits of Brigadier Gerard)
57. Tertius Lydgate (Middlemarch)
56. Lord Sebastian Flyte (Brideshead Revisited)
55. Henry Crawford (Mansfield Park)
54. Frederick Wentworth (Persuasion)
53. Edward Murdstone (David Copperfield)
52. Desmond Ragwort (Thus Was Adonis Murdered)
51. Captain Hook (Peter Pan; or, the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up)
50. Charles Darnay (A Tale of Two Cities)
49. Dorian Gray (The Picture of Dorian Gray)
48. King Arthur (The Once and Future King)
47. Mortimer Lightwood (Our Mutual Friend)
46. M. Héger (Villette)
45. Legolas (The Lord of the Rings)
44. Robin Hood (Piers Plowman)
43. Inspector Alan Grant (The Man in the Queue)
42. George Emerson (A Room with a View)
41. Alan Breck Stewart (Kidnapped)
40. Rockingham Napier (Excellent Women)
39. Mr. Neville (Hotel du Lac)
38. St. John Rivers (Jane Eyre)
37. Remus Lupin (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
36. Lancelot (The Once and Future King)
35. Othello (Othello, The Moor of Venice)
34. Tarzan/Lord Greystoke (Tarzan of the Apes)
33. Severus Snape (Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone)
32. Aslan (The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe)
31. Sydney Carton (A Tale of Two Cities)
30. John Willoughby (Sense and Sensibility)
29. Thomas Cromwell (Wolf Hall)
28. Maxim de Winter (Rebecca)
27. Simon Bakerloo (The Wolves of Willoughby Chase)
26. Sirius Black (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)
25. Brian de Bois-Guilbert (Ivanhoe)
24. Adam Dalgliesh (Cover Her Face)
23. James Bond (Casino Royale)
22. James Steerforth (David Copperfield)
21. Tom Bombadil (The Lord of the Rings)
20. Edward Driffield (Cakes And Ale)
19. Sherlock Holmes (“A Study In Scarlet”)
18. Justin Alastair, Duke of Avon (These Old Shades)
17. Robert Frobisher (Cloud Atlas)
16. Eomer (The Lord of the Rings)
15. Michael Cantrip (Thus Was Adonis Murdered)
14. Algernon Moncrieff (The Importance of Being Earnest)
13. Randolph Henry Ash (Possession)
12. Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
11. Maurice Bendrix (The End of the Affair)
10. Beorn (The Hobbit)
9. Orlando (Orlando: A Biography)
8. Oliver Mellors (Lady Chatterley’s Lover)
7. Lord Peter Wimsey (Strong Poison)
6. Don Juan (Don Juan)
5. The Beast (“The Tiger’s Bride”)
4. Eugene Wrayburn (Our Mutual Friend)
3. Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
2. Strider/ Aragorn (The Lord of the Rings)
1. Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)

by Abe Sauer

The last time gas prices spiked over $4 per gallon, the Tea Party exploded with rage against the sitting president, hanging the totality of the blame on his administration. Of course, by “exploded with rage,” I mean “didn’t exist.”

This time around, the Tea Party is taking action to draw attention to the fact that Barack Obama is gouging Americans by making sure gas prices are high by causing war in Libya, not opening Alaska to drilling and saving our national energy reserves to power Chinese tanks after China’s inevitable invasion of the U.S. We spoke with Chris Lotto, Arizona activist and co-creator of the “The ‘Hope and Change’ Sticky Note Campaign,” a movement that places anti-Obama sticky notes on gas pumps.

Yes, America, like a couple on the verge of divorce, can only communicate with Post-Its®.

Last Saturday afternoon, Lotto, who lives in Phoenix, launched the Facebook call to “Purchase a pad of large sticky notes. Write on each one, “How’s that Hope & Change working out for you?” Every time you stop to fill your vehicle with gas, place your sticky note somewhere on the pump before you drive away. DO NOT be destructive in ANY way! Place your sticky note somewhere, so as not to impede the next customer’s ability to read the pump’s digital readout.”

By the end of this week, the page had over 8,000 fans who had sent out over 50,000 invites to join and dozens of pictures were rolling in of notes placed on gas pumps from Ohio to Wisconsin to Texas.

Of the pre-printed sticky notes that are beginning to appear, Lotto said, “I would prefer they hand write each one, as I want more the appearance of a down home, grassroots movement.”

Lotto said he “created the Facebook page entirely on my own.” But since his accounting firm “does not permit employees to use work computers to log onto Facebook” he “asked several other ‘active’ members of my page if they would allow me to make them co-administrators of the page, so they could monitor for any uncivil-like posts.” Those administrators all have varying levels of Tea Party involvement, such as Diana Gonzalez Horton, who is a member of Ohio’s 9–12 movement. (Lotto says he is “not a Tea Party member, although my beliefs fall in line with the Tea Party’s beliefs.”)

One administrator is Greg Hedgepath, associate of YourDaddy.net, a site that’s having what we’ll call “a little trouble” getting past the release of Obama’s long form birth certificate. Greg himself is no reporting slouch, having broken wide open such scandals as “Ex-CIA Agent Reveals: ‘Muslim Brotherhood’ has infiltrated Obama Administration” and how “a network of Mexican-American women, known as BMWs (Big Mexican Women), have been assisting Afghanis in illegally traversing the United States.” Greg is the lucky proprietor of the Facebook handle /stopobama.

“I was actually working in parallel with them and did not know they had the Facebook page created at the time of my first post,” he told us. “By the time I was finished with my second post my wife had found the Facebook page. Chris was gracious to add me as a creator/admin since all I have done is promote this all week long.”

His site has “had over 20,000 visits to the three pages I have put together since the 4th,” he said. Plus he promised a new video later today at his YouTube channel.

“That’s about it as far as my input into this campaign,” he said. “I guess you could say I did start it but was not the only one doing so” — something he addressed on his site.

Almost all are fans of Feedomworks, Fox News and are very, very “pro-Israel.” Lotto himself is a member of nearly every “defend Israel” Facebook group out there, including the “Mossad” one and “I am a Jew and I will NOT vote for Obama in 2012” as well as the groups “Shame on Gov. Jan Brewer for Vetoing Arizona House bill 2177 Birther Bill” and “R.I.P. Banned FB accounts that spoke out against Islam.”

But this is about gas.

The campaign calls for an expansion beyond gas stations, and some stickers have already turned up in grocery stores, denoting Obama’s complicity in the price increase of some basic American food staples, like Cinnamon Burst Cheerios.

As with all popular things, the “Hope and Change” campaign has inspired knock-offs like the “NObama Gas Pump Campaign” and the “Sticky Note Campaign.”

It has also inspired a “union threat” of a counter-campaign in which pro-union thugs in Wisconsin will put stickers on brands that supported Governor Scott Walker’s campaign. Fox 6 News from Green Bay (which we last read about when its cameraman at the state capitol was mocking protesting students for their ignorance), noted that “Grocery stores will call police on anyone they catch planting stickers.” As a commenter on the story notes, “This is getting crazy. I hope some union thug gets his lights punched out for tampering with peoples food.”

Lotto says that the movement is not grassroots, it’s “gas-roots.” It’s an appeal to humor that the Tea Party is using more, the kind for which is has always relentlessly skewered the left. Just look at this bit of genius promoting Obama as President of Brazil.

The sticking-political-messages-on-other-people’s-commodities tactic shows no sign of abating. It’s a long way to 2012, and the GOP proper has completely lost control of its constituency, so everyone should prepare for what’s probably going to be the most ugly election in recent history, and, with every free surface in the nation plastered with neon squares, I mean literally ugly.

And in the end, the only winner will be, as always, Big Post-It®.

Abe Sauer can be reached at abe sauer at gmail dot com.

For Sale: A Gallery Of Sonic Youth-Related Art

by Todd Serencha

In the catalogs of Christie’s, Sotheby’s and Phillips de Pury’s upcoming Contemporary & Post-War auctions (May 11–13) are pieces by a number of artists whose work has previously graced the album covers of Sonic Youth. Meaning that the ardent fan can fill out his or her Sonic Youth rarities collection for a little less than $11 million. Follow the links to register for your paddle.

Mike Kelley (Cover artist for Dirty)

Ahh… Youth
Cibachrome prints mounted on aluminum; 8 pieces; 24 x 16 inches each; 4 in edition of 10
Christie’s; Sale 2440/Lot 3
Estimate: $400,000 to $600,000

Richard Prince (Cover artist for Sonic Nurse)

Nurse on Horseback
Inkjet and Acrylic on Canvas; 78 x 58 inches
Christie’s; Sale 2440/Lot 5
Estimate: $3.5 to $4.5 million

Gerhard Richter (cover artist for Daydream Nation)

Wolken (Rosa)
Oil on canvas; 73 3/4 x 118 1/8 inches (triptych)
Christie’s; Sale 2440/Lot 14
Estimate: $3 to $4 million

Christopher Wool (cover artist for Rather Ripped)

Untitled
Enamel on Aluminum; 96 x 72 inches
Christie’s; Sale 2440/Lot 2
Estimate: $1.2 to $1.8 million

Raymond Pettibon (cover artist for Goo)

A Big Wave Came
Ink and watercolor on paper; 30 x 22 inches
Sotheby’s; Sale NO8745/Lot 432
Estimate: $40,000 to $60,000

Jeff Wall (cover artist for The Destroyed Room)

Hotels, Carrall St., Vancouver
Transparency in light-box; 98 x 123 inches; 1 in edition of 3
Sotheby’s; Sale NO8744/Lot 53
Estimate: $400,000 to $600,000

Rita Ackermann (cover artist for Thurston Moore’s Psychic Hearts)

Even The Judge Has Lost The Game
Graphite, Xerox and paper collage and thread on paper; 20 x 26 inches
Phillips de Pury & Company; Lot 372
Estimate: $6,000 to $8,000

Todd Serencha wishes to remind you that tickets to Sonic Youth’s outdoor summer show went on sale today at noon — and will only set you back forty bucks and fees.

by Awl Sponsors

Way cooler than a hugely overpriced Super Bowl commercial or lame product placement is the multifaceted viral marketing campaign. And when it involves fast cars, super heroes, spy organizations, online gaming and cool prizes, it’s got all the makings of a winner! That’s the idea behind Acura becoming the official vehicle of S.H.I.E.L.D., the top-secret worldwide peacekeeping agency featured in the upcoming Marvel Studios movie Thor, which hits theaters May 6th.

All signs — TV spots, “recruitment” booths at entertainment conventions that showcase the souped-up Acura, and social media placements — point viewers to joinSHIELD.com, the hub where fans become S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. As you complete online challenges and are promoted, you get to upgrade your own superhuman Acura. Plus, you’ll have a shot at winning a bunch of prizes, like a pair of movie tickets to Thor, Livescribe pens and iPads, and — the grand prize — a trip for two to Acura’s S.H.I.E.L.D. Evasive Driving Center to learn stunt-driving maneuvers.

Join the ranks at joinSHIELD.com.