Not all turkeys will be overcooked and mostly ignored in favor of the tasty stuffing and wine this Thanksgiving. These birds live wild and free in Morro Bay, California — the feral turkeys hang around the golf course for a few hours, and then head down the stairs to the beach.

The wild turkey isn’t usually found in California. This population was introduced by the state’s Department of Fish and Game in 1965. (Not so long ago, this is what you could expect of a government wildlife agency: intentional introduction of non-native and invasive species.)

These birds exhibit all the qualities that Benjamin Franklin loved about America’s wild turkeys:

“For the Truth the Turkey is in Comparison a much more respectable Bird, and withal a true original Native of America… He is besides, though a little vain & silly, a Bird of Courage, and would not hesitate to attack a Grenadier of the British Guards who should presume to invade his Farm Yard with a red Coat on.”

Photos by Teddy Llovet via Flickr Creative Commons.

Today’s Odor: Hot mothballs in a manure fire. Gentle kisses of body odor stained carpet.

— Gowanus Canal (@Gowanus_Daily) November 20, 2012

“It is the nasal equivalent of white noise, researchers report today in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Just as white noise is a mixture of many different sound frequencies and white light is a mixture of many different wavelengths, olfactory white is a mixture of many different smelly compounds.”
 — Hoping that the Gowanus Canal’s “Today’s Odor” is the newly discovered “olfactory white” soon.

“Let’s be honest. Most of the gadgets people buy during these crazy holiday sales aren’t for gifts. (And you shouldn’t try to buy people who like gadgets electronics for presents anyhow.) But there’s nothing wrong with getting a great deal on something, whether it is for you or someone else. Maybe you need a massive TV set, and if you can get it for cheaper this week, and so why wouldn’t you There’s a ton of sites that do nothing but aggregate Black Friday deals, coupons and door crasher specials. We’ll point you in the direction of the ones that we think are worth your time. Sound good? Cool. Let’s get down to the deals and the places to find them.”

I AM SO HAPPY THAT I LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO SEE MUSIC AND MUSIC VIDEOS TURN INTO THIS. “Soda” is from the Boody and Le1f mixtape “Liquid” and yes you can GET THAT. This is everything that I ever wanted anything to be.

A very happy 70th birthday to Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr., a dedicated public servant for forty years who I think we can all agree, no matter our politics, that we hope remains in his current position for the next four years. Also celebrating a 70th birthday today: composer Meredith Monk. Here’s her “Road Song” from the True Stories alternate soundtrack.

THEY’RE GOING TO FINALLY BURN GARY SHTEYNGART ALIVE APPARENTLY???

How To Be Thanksgiving

Hey, there sure were a lot of Current Events last week, eh? I mean, Twinkies and Petraeus, Middle East crap, sore losers in the Politics, the Weather (still) more Petraeus with the Benghazi thing, Fiscal Doom Cliff, man, I don’t know about you, but I am kind of tired of News, you know?

That’s why I am looking forward to This Week, because it is a “Short Week.” For me, anyway. My Week this week equals Monday-through-Wednesday, and then there will be eating, through the Best and most American holiday, which is supposed to be for being Thankful for things, such as food, and gravy. Thanksgiving!

So I am Thankful for this Holiday Week, while disclaimer-wise, being fully aware Observing the Historical Aspect of this Holiday pretty much marks the beginning of The End for the Indigenous peoples in this Great Land of Ours That Used to be Theirs, and that whole story about what a raw deal Squanto got helping the Plymouth Rockers and stuff.

I am also Thankful for having a job to not be at on Thanksgiving, and a 1996 Honda Civic that functions well enough to get me to my job, but if I had to take the bus all the time I would be thankful for that bus, the No. 27, which I take sometimes when my Civic is broken, and the No. 27 is never on time, fucking ever, but it beats walking, and if I hadda walk to work I would be Giving Thanks for the salubrious health benefits of walking to places. Do you see the Positive Attitude I am employing here? It’s good for you, to have a Positive Attitude and to be Thankful for stuff! Even if it’s stuff you earned all by yourself, but especially if it’s stuff somebody helped you with or made for you, like gravy, which I have never been good at making, I always put too much corn starch, I think.

Thanksgiving is the beginning of The Holiday Season, and I think that gives a lot of people a stomach ache, so if you are worried about The Holiday Season, you should just skip it this year, seriously. You can do that, you know, it is your right as an American to not have to Believe in anything you don’t want to, so you should be Thankful for that, and use it.

Personally I will get involved in The Holiday Season this year, and I hope this year the Rich People spend a lot of money and help the Economy, you know? I’m Thankful also for all the Rich People who will probably have to pay more taxes (I hope) so that we can even have an Economy. I think Rich People in general are OK, but this year I will like them even more, and if I meet any and it turns out they are paying more taxes, I will totally thank them.

I’m thankful for Television, which you can still get Free if you have the right kind of antenna.

I’m also highly Thankingful for the Sump Pump I got talked into buying when there was water in the basement and the guy from a Basement Waterproofing place came and told me to get the Sump Pump, for Three Thousand Dollars and a whole day of jackhammering in my basement. I’m not so sure we really needed a Sump Pump, but it couldn’t hurt, so I am thankful, OK?

Having a place to file a column every week, like columnists are supposed to, is something to be Thankful for, so I am Thanksgivingful for The Awl, home of the “Mr. Wrong” column.

Look, you don’t even need a turkey, seriously. I mean, the turkey is kinda not even really the best part of eating yourself into a food-coma, you know? It just sorta ends up being one more thing to put gravy on, but it’s not as good as mashed potatoes and stuffing in terms of what it tastes like all by itself, right? That’s why you put a cranberry on it. I will partake of the turkey, but mostly as a way to break the monotony of just eating a whole thing of mashed potato, which I will do, but not all at once so anybody notices. And stuffing. I don’t know why I don’t have stuffing all the time with every meal, you know? You totally don’t need the turkey. I think if people weren’t all hung up on having that Norman Rockwell Butterball-looking thing on the table, the whole Thanksgiving Turkey situation would be way better. I mean, I’m no gourmet, but howabout if you took a turkey and cut it up and cooked it like a fried chicken? How much better would that be, as opposed to trying to shove the whole thing in a deep fryer like people do now? I mean, it’s OK, and I am full of Thanksgiving just for the opportunity to eat things, so I’m not complaining, I’m thanking, whatever ends up on the table for me to shove into my Thanks-hole. I could have a bowl of fucking cereal for Thanksgiving and it would be great, seriously, thanks, as long as I can sleep late and then watch the parade and the Dog Show, I’m good. But not Lucky Charms, that is the worst cereal. Thank you.

FOR THANKSGIVING I AM PREPARING A 20-LB. TURKEY & 20 LBS OF GRAVY

— Joe MacLeod (@JOEMACLEOD666) November 17, 2011

Previously: Mexico On Two Baños A Day

Mr. Wrong can converse with you via many medias.

Can Awl pal Jess Grose stop swearing before the birth of her child? Sure, why the fuck not.

★★★ Blue shaded into white shading into blue, with no clear dividing line. A noise-canceling wind chilled the ears and muffled the sounds, save for the piercing high tones of brakes. One pedestrian after another carried jacketed Starbucks cups — one woman had a whole tray full, a late Sunday-afternoon hot-beverage run. A false sun shone up Broadway, reflecting from somewhere behind the CNN sign. At sunset, the white patches separated themselves from the rest of the sky — purple in the north and east; pink slashes receding into the southwestern distance.

Okay, there’s probably not gonna be a more evocative headline than this today: “Love-rat dad of nine children to eight women who headbutted ex-girlfriend in row over cheese toastie jailed for just 20 days”