Posts Tagged: You

'I Want You,' In Order of How Badly You Are Really Wanted

21. Utah Saints

20. Third Eye Blind

19. Martin Solveig


You're Not A Doctor And Even If You Were You Would Still Suck

I mean, isn't it just amazing how everyone you don't like on the internet has a personality disorder you can diagnose from your laptop?

— ☹ Alex Alvarez ☹ (@soalexgoes) April 14, 2014

This woman is correct. Everybody on the Internet sucks, and your thinking you can identify the medical basis for everyone's suckishness vaults you to the front of the first float in the cavalcade of platforms passing by for the Suck Parade. Stop sucking.


Population Growing

"New York City may be an expensive place to live. Jobs are not easy to find, even as the city rebounds from the recession. And the public transit system is not always reliable or comfortable."

The streets are filled with garbage in even the best of neighborhoods. On hot days the stench of death and decay and effluvia permeates your nostrils and forces you to cover your mouth with your hand lest you gag and vomit up the $13 salad you ate for lunch, thus making your own contribution to the mysterious melange of rot and body fluids at your feet. It is best not to look at [...]


The Dumb Things We Do On Social Media And How To Try To Not Do Them (Good Luck With That)

"There’s no doubt social media can make a number of work tasks infinitely easier. But it can also be a land mine of potential snafus that at best cause professional embarrassment — and, at worst, cost you your job." —My initial reaction was, "Huh, I thought I canceled my subscription to The American Journal of No Fucking Shit," but the more that I think about it the more that I realize these are lessons we need to learn over and over and over and no matter how many times we see them it is never enough, so sure, go ahead and add [...]


You're Gonna Get Wet

"Due to the amount of snow on the ground, warming temperatures and rain, Greater New Yorkers face a new set of winter hazards on Thursday. These will come from above and below in the form of black ice, slushy street corner puddles and chunks of snow and ice falling from buildings." —Yes, you will probably be soaked by some form of solidified moisture as you wend your way through town today, but just remember the classic New York City adage "If it isn't jizz, go about your biz" and keep moving. (Unless it is, in fact, jizz, in which [...]


Smell You Later, In Line, At The Airport

"'There are recognizable patterns of each person’s body odor that remain steady….Therefore, every person has his/hers own odor and this would allow his/her identification within a group of people at an accurate rate higher than 85%. This result leads the way to improve personal identification that is less aggressive than other biometric techniques being used today.' The system could eventually be installed in airport to 'sniff' passenger as they pass through."


Gmail's Get Out Of Jail Free Card

"Google assured Gmail users on Tuesday that the slight bug that affected their inboxes last week is definitively fixed. The Web giant sent out notices to users that could have experienced issues. 'You may have been impacted by a recent issue in Gmail that inadvertently caused some actions (e.g. delete, report spam) taken while viewing a message to be applied to a different message,' Google wrote. 'The issue occurred between January 15 and January 22 and is now fixed.'" —If you received an email and January 15 and January 22 that you have been trying to figure out how to successfully ignore, [...]


Let's Briefly Mention That Unpleasant Thing That Happens Today

"You, yes you, can do your taxes this year. Many of you are done, most of you haven't started, and a few of you are freaking out. Some of you are thinking: what if I just don't file? What will happen if I don't pay? What if I didn't file last year or the year before that?"


What You Did Instead Of Learning French

This one has been going around the last couple of days, but in case you missed it, here is "a tool… that tells you how much of your life you've spent watching TV." It's not in any way a full accounting, since it only works based on the number of seasons of specific shows you've seen, but if you have, say, watched the entire run of "Cheers" three times (to pick a totally random example that would not at all reflect the viewing patterns of a man of my demographic) you have spent around 27 of your days with the show, which makes the time [...]


Is Sleeping Near Your Phone Killing You?

"Eight out of ten of us keep our mobiles on overnight… But experts are concerned about the effect this is having – at the very least it makes us 'hypervigilant' so our sleep is more likely to be disturbed and we end up not getting enough of the restorative sleep we need. But it might also trigger insomnia and other sleeping problems…. More controversially, there are suggestions that sleeping with your mobile by [...]


How Did You Waste Your Best Years?

Do you feel as if the future looks bright and the greatest times of your life are still ahead of you? Then you must be 24, because a "survey of retired people found the life changing highlights etched on their brains happened before they reached age of 25." It's all downhill from there, and if you're worried that you wasted your teenage years and the first half of your 20s, too bad: You may as well pick out the least terrible moment from that period now and settle in on it as the good old days, because soon enough your that's [...]


Don't Think Happy Thoughts

"Imagining a positive outcome conveys the sense that you’re approaching your goals, which takes the edge off the need to achieve."


You Are All, "Blah Blah Blah Thoughts About Thing"

Do you have thoughts about Paper? If they are anything other than "I don't know what that is," or "I wish everyone would shut the fuck up about Paper," I would like you to go outside and stand in the snow for a bit and maybe develop those thoughts a little more fully so that you can articulate them in the best possible form. We're all really interested in your ideas, and presentation is important, so just take some time out there to firm things up. No, no, just keep waiting, I'll come get you in a few moments. There will come a point where it seems like I'm actually [...]


How To Stop Not Writing

"Writer’s block is a tough thing to deal with, but one we’ll all have to tackle at some point – either at the start of our training while we’re writing outlines and proposals, at the end when we’re writing up manuscripts and theses, or afterwards, as we’re working on papers and other documents. As science communicators, the toughest part is often figuring out exactly how to begin, and how to frame the core message that we want to get across – a process that can be incredibly frustrating. So the question becomes, [...]


Cellphones Probably Killing You But What Are You Gonna Do?

"[M]odern technology (the source of the humanmade electromagnetic fields discussed here) has fueled a remarkable degree of innovation, productivity, and improvement in the quality of life. If tomorrow the power grid went down, all cell phone networks would cease operation, millions of computers around the world wouldn’t turn on, and the night would be illuminated only by candlelight and the moon—we’d have a lot less EMF exposure, but at the cost of the complete collapse of modern society. EMF isn’t just a by-product of modern society. EMF, and our ability to harness it for technological purposes, is the cornerstone of modern society. Sanitation, food production and storage, health care—these are [...]


Life: Is It Really Worth Living If You Have To Eat More Vegetables To Do It?

"Five portions of fruit and vegetables a day – a familiar mantra for those concerned about their own and their children's health – may not, after all, be enough, according to a new report by scientists, who suggest we should instead be aiming for seven a day, and mostly vegetables at that. Alarmingly for some who thought they were doing the right thing, tinned and frozen fruit may not be helpful at all."


You're Still What Your SATs Say You Were

"Proving the adage that all of life is like high school, plenty of employers still care about a job candidate's SAT score." [[...]


Maybe Your Cat Hates You Because You Suck

"Cat Bites Are Linked To Depression"


You're Probably Not Going To Be As Unhappy As You Think You Are

"Nothing in life matters quite as much as you think it does while you are thinking about it" except loud noise and chronic pain. Everything else is details.


The Relativity Of Hurt

"Like physical pain, which each individual is asked to assess on their own scale of one to ten, how much hurt you have received and how devastating it has been for you is too subjective to bear much comparison. I try not even to imagine the possibility of spending a crazed lifetime not just debating the one and ten of both kinds of pain against others’ assessments, but forever redefining the four, five and six. Whatever hurts you hurts, and however damaged you’ve been is how damaged you are."