For Sale by Auction: Sex.com (and Also Air America's Stuff) @1:35 PM
Things are about to get hot on March 18, when Sex.com gets auctioned off. For starters, you had better bring a "$1,000,000 bank certified check" just to bid. Why the sale? It is "for default in the payment of debt and performance of obligations owed by Escom, LLC (“Borrower”), to DOM Partners LLC (“Secured Party”)." Turns out that Escom paid $14 million for the domain in '06. And this leads us to the greatest book that we had never before heard of: Kieren McCarthy's Sex.com: One Domain, Two Men, Twelve Years and the Brutal Battle for the Jewel in the Internet's Crown. Am going to buy! For potential bidders, "the Collateral is being sold 'AS IS.'" That means you get all the garbagey gifs on it, I guess! And the following week, they're auctioning off all of Air America's equipment. You won't be needing the million dollar check for that one, obviously. 12
New York Now a "Riveting Spectacle" of "Political Debasement"! @9:00 AM
Hey, what did I miss on my huge, three-day vacation? Oh yay, New York "has descended into a bizarre, riveting spectacle of corruption and political debasement"! (Politico also notes that "At this point, only two of the six statewide elected officials, Sen. Chuck Schumer and Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, were actually elected to the positions they hold.")
But also, oh noes, my three favorite running political stories have largely up and died. READ MORE 16
Jersey Mayhem: Defendant Slaps His Own Attorney In The Face In Court @10:20 AM
I guess if you were a paroled bank robber facing new charges of eluding police, aggravated assault on a civilian, carjacking, aggravated assault on a police officer, disarming a police officer, resisting arrest, harming a law-enforcement animal, unlawful possession of a weapon, possession of prohibited, hollow-nose bullets and possession of a weapon by a convicted felon, and you're from the Jersey Shore, you might get into court and just say fuck it, imagine yourself as Bon Jovi singing at a deserted drive-in theater atop a mesa in the Moab Desert, and go out in a blaze of glorious mayhem. READ MORE 16
Sky Mall Kitty: The Best Song About Cats And Sky Mall Ever @9:19 AM
The Internet is over now. Sky mall kitties! The kitties of the air! Sky mall kitties! Kitties everywhere! Ladies and gentlemen, the everlasting genius Nina Katchadourian. 16
Who Talks Like That? The 22 Most Incredible Sentences from 'Game Change' @3:14 PM
John Heilemann and Mark Halperin's 'Game Change' was many things, Ana Marie Cox discovered upon actually reading as one does with a book. It is a source of astounding sentences, for one thing!
But Hillary feared that her war vote would get her hooted off any campus where she spoke. (page 153)
The political gamble here was evident, but the upside was huge: If Clinton carried the caucuses, the nomination would be in the bag. (153)
They liked him and they didn’t like her, and there would be no changing that—her negatives were just too deeply cooked into the casserole. (156) READ MORE 50
Simulacrum of a Celebrity Not Actually In Bed with Simulacrum of a Magazine @1:18 PM
Certain things start to make sense when you learn that notorious East Village gay party promoter Daniel Nardicio is the one behind the Levi Johnston Playgirl photospread. Also it's fun and enlightening to learn that there's actually no contract yet signed between the… person? Persona? Construct? …. from Alaska and the magazine that doesn't actually exist, since Playgirl hasn't actually been a magazine for a while. THIS IS LIKE THAT BAUDRILLARD BOOK THAT ONE TIME. 11
A Story for You to Read and Enjoy! @9:30 AM
So here is the greatest story you will read all week. Read it slowly. Just maybe a paragraph, then some coffee, then another, then take a little walk. Anything I could tell you about this latest bit of genius from Ellen Barry, over in Russia, would be to spoil it. Except: there are even bears. SIDEBAR: Barry is, to my mind, one of the best five reporters working today, which is of interest, because when I make this list in my head, I think at least four of them are women! Why are men so untalented and impoverished mentally? 25
Local Website Unable to Even Respond to All Job Applicants, Just Lets Everyone Start Working (For Free) @9:03 AM
Hey, you think the economy is bad or something? 14
This Cat Looks Like This Other Cat @10:20 AM
THIS CAT was trapped in an SUV and driven across town. (Cat survived.)
THIS CAT was dressed up like a literary character for the New Yorker's "Critterati" photo contest, which is really a thing that is happening. (Cat may not survive.) 10
The Glory of New York City's Subway System @10:15 AM
Yes. This is the way we take—or really, don't—the C/E now. 20
David Letterman Knows the Truth: A Funny Man Gets to Sleep with His Staff @11:49 PM
You know what happens when you try to blackmail David Letterman with the old news that he's slept with some women on his staff? He writes you a fake $2-million check and then you get arrested. That is because he is awesome. Here is an amusing video of Anderson Cooper looking very serious about this news. Oh my God, someone slept with someone at work? That has never ever happened in New York City before! 58
Headline of the Day @11:20 AM
The University Echo, University of Tennessee, Chattanooga: "Coulter's campus visit brings controversy, interest." 0
Alexa Chung Must Go @10:20 AM
Tiny Facebook demon-beast Alexa Chung, hired to host MTV's daily "Twitter with Tweens" segment, will soon be gone from our country, as they have got to get her off the airwaves. Now here is an example of the kind of hate that Alexa inspires back in her home country of "England," in an astounding example of literary mountain-molehilling that our British friends do so well. It is an entire piece of old-school gossip column writing about how Anna Wintour gave Alexa Chung a dirty look at a fashion show. Read it and believe in narrative again! Here is just one sentence that should warm your heart: "Coming eyeball to eyeball on the coveted front row, the ice maiden paraded her disdain like a supermodel parading an autumn/winter '09 collection." How wonderful! 2
Reasons Not to Move to D.C. (Are Also Reasons to Move to D.C.?) @10:15 AM
Politico fulfills all our dreams by publishing a list of their fave top 50 D.C. "biggest party animals." It is like Animal House up in there! Look out for Michael Steel (the white one, with no "e" on the end of "Steel"): "By day, he's a stern spokesman for House Minority Leader John Boehner with an affinity for cashmere. By night, he's a fun-loving guy who's always up for sprinkling his dry sense of humor on a good cocktail party." Looking on the bright side to all this, there are apparently many openings on the social circuit for people with pulses and cardigans. 8
Ben Stein, Unfettered Crazed Racist Rich Loon, I Guess! @1:03 PM
Dear Ben Stein's new column in Fortune; Do you know how much college costs for many, many Americans? No, not $70,000 a year. The answer is: nothing! Not a thing. Yes, sure, some bus tickets. Some books. But other than that, nothing. Because they do not pay tuition, and if you weren't rich, neither would your children, but you are rich, so pay, because you can, and that is how capitalism works, for now. P.S. Stop panicking about the declining white birth rate, it's embarrassing and also puts you in bad racist company. It doesn't mean anything bad that the black and brown people are out-breeding you, unless you are a racist. P.P.S. Felix Salmon thinks you are a monstrous monster, and it's hard to disagree, because, wow. 17
A Now-Distant Friendship Results In A Device For Sale @12:42 PM
You simply cannot resist a short true tale that begins thusly: "From June 1996 to February 1999 I worked as a manager at a well-known electronic supply retailer in a mostly vacant strip mall on the outskirts of a medium-sized metropolitan area located in the southeastern United States. I don't say this to brag." 14
Quote of the Day: Lifestyle Reconsiderations @11:56 AM
"I naïvely had this idea that gentrification was inconsiderate and ruining old Brooklyn, but it wasn't a well-thought-out position." 6
White People Horrified About Extremely Minor Westchester Integration @3:30 PM
750 lucky black or otherwise not white families are going to be plonked down in Pound Ridge and Larchmont and other tony, nearly all-white communities of Westchester, at the astonishing cost of $50 million. Wait: do not get your panties too bunched! Westchester took that much federal aid and then funneled the poor blacks into segregated sections of its cities. Oh, the Times commentariat is going wild. READ MORE 21
An Interview With Someone Who Likes To Pee In His Jeep @10:30 AM
Before clicking on the following link, a couple of things! 1. You will probably never accept a ride home from a gay guy again after reading this. And! 2. Every once in a while it's nice to read something about "lifestyle" that will never, ever appear in Sunday Styles. 3. This is safe for work, in terms of there are no dirty pictures? But definitely not safe for work in terms of language, or for the very squeamish. 4. People sure are funny critters! There: You were warned. 15
A Million Tween Girls Exploded At 'New Moon' Comic-Con Panel @2:50 PM
I stopped watching three minutes into this video documenting the stars and director of New Moon, the forthcoming sequel to Twilight, but, oh my God, the fainting, the screaming, the camera-flashing! 3
Richard Branson Sells a Third of his Space Travel Outfit That has Yet to Go to Space @3:10 PM
Wow, what's to say? Richard Branson is some sort of god of commerce. He sold a chunk of Virgin Galactic, which, uh, may or may not in a few years take people into space, to the investment arm of the government of Abu Dhabi. For $280 million! And a spaceport. Such as the one in California that is surrounded by freaks and UFO junkies and military bases and cactus. This is sort of wonderful. Now the fine people of Abu Dhabi can go to space! 1
Happy Birthday To Internet Usage! @5:51 PM
!! Metafilter, one of the best websites on the whole of the Internet, is a shocking ten years old! Parties ensue. 6
Hermes Now Breeding Own Purse-Crocodiles In Australia @9:50 AM
"French luxury goods group Hermes has resorted to breeding its own crocodiles on farms in Australia to try to meet demand for its leather bags, its chief executive said on Monday…. Hermes already faces a major challenge producing 3,000 crocodile bags a year, [Patrick] Thomas said, adding: 'The world is not full of crocodiles, except the stock exchange!'" 6
Party To Be Thrown For Beaters Of Alleged Child-Rapist In Philadelphia @11:20 AM
After North Philadelphia neighbors beat up the man suspected of raping her 11-year-old daughter, the victim's mother expressed surprise. The police are not pressing charges against the mob—and "I plan on inviting them to a welcome-home party for my daughter," the mother said. Unfortunately, the mob also beat up someone else who was not the suspected rapist, but never mind! 6
Russell Simmons' Girlfriend Flips Out On The Blacks @4:26 PM
Mogul Russell Simmons' new girlfriend would like to clarify something: "I am nobody's white b*tch, gold digger or fame chaser"! Also, best use of "namaste" to mean "go fuck yourself." What a world. 16
Bernie Kerik: All Cops Nationwide Agree With Teabagging! @11:11 AM
This video is hysterical. Illegal immigrant nanny-hirer, indicted liar-to-the-IRS and former New York City top cop Bernie Kerik went on Fox News' Red Eye last night and talked about how awesome the teabagger anti-tax protests were. I can't even tell if host Greg Gutfeld is pranking him or being serious or what, but you can tell he is dying inside. The best part is when Kerik says, "I would say there aren't many cops in the New York City police department, or police officers anywhere in this country, that don't agree with the people that were out there." 0
