"From his first appearance on the balcony in St Peter's Square to donning a fireman's helmet in front of adoring crowds, here are The Telegraph's top five Pope Francis video moments in his first year as pontiff," is today's sentence that makes you realize how the future really is now.
That's right. As this impressive piece of animation clearly shows, you just grab the bear's tongue.
Or, of course, you lead it onto a playground. Everyone knows what bears love more than anything.
T E T H E R B A L L
If you're like me, you've been waiting 26 years to find out what happens next in Lou Gramm's "Midnight Blue" video. What becomes of our hero, the oily gearhead bohunk in the black leather jacket, and his sexy paramour, the restless one who did not care that he was just a troubled boy looking for a double-dare? What of the next day? After they ride off under the moon in that gorgeous cherry-red convertible? What does this world have in store for them once the sun has risen and shined its light on their midnight fling with romantic fate? Well, fellow very old idiots dreamers, our prayers have been [...]
As you may have seen on Twitter yesterday, Burger King was either sold to McDonald's or taken over by crazy people. Both would be an improvement, as Burger King has a reputation as "the fast food that even fast-food lovers don't like at all." There has always been something off about this hamburger franchise business, especially the marketing. That's why cynical people looked at the supposed hacking of @BurgerKing and figured it was just another desperate try to get anyone to care about the perennial No. 2 hamburger brand.
English stabbies are so bored with their usual bedlam that they've begun robbing famous prisons. The Tower of London, the British Empire's beloved historical place to torture its political dissidents, was the target of a bold thief who stole the Tower's keys on Guy Fawkes Night. The keys open not only the locks on the drawbridges, but also the doors to the tourist restaurant and a conference room—perhaps the very conference room where Henry VIII had Anne Boleyn executed in 1536.
Chris Christie Will Do Literally Anything, Including Be Nice To Barack Obama, To Get Bruce Springsteen's Approval
Chris Christie's sudden respect for Barack Obama has enraged conservatives and the Romney campaign, but it makes sense when you remember that Chris Christie loves Bruce Springsteen more than anything, and a disaster just hit New Jersey, and Springsteen will obviously do a benefit. But Springsteen, who is such a Famous Democrat that he actually campaigns with Obama, refuses to have anything to do with Christie. What might change Bruce's feelings for the Republican governor of New Jersey? What might make The Boss finally give a little love back to his biggest (!) fan, Chris Christie?
This should do it:
Springsteen To Perform At Sandy Benefit [...]
The pignose frog, also known as the Indian purple frog, is one of the weirdest-looking frogs on the planet. It looks like a frog supervillain. It looks like a New York financial industry fatcat grown soft on the blood of the poor—but only on the outside, as its eyes and mind remain hard and cold and shrewd. It looks like Danny DeVito could play it in a movie without unduly taxing the makeup artist. It looks like what you would imagine Karl Rove would look like if your only knowledge of Karl Rove came from the descriptions of others. And it's purple. What kind of animal is purple? Not [...]
1. "Song for Edward Snowden" by Joe Fox. Best line: "Braaaave, or stupid? Braaaave, or stupid?"
2. "You Can't Slip A Chip Into My Brain, NSA" by (the perfectly named) Grant William Brad Gerver. Best line: uh, "You Can't Slip A Chip Into My Brain, NSA"?
3. "Prism" by David Rovics. Best line: "One government came down and burned in repetition of this fact / the next government passed the Freedom of Information Act."
"Millions watch 'How Animals Eat' video" is the headline, but it could have just as easily been, "This Is How The Species Spent Its Few Final Years Of Existence, Before The Fires." Maybe that will be the chapter heading in the alien history book though.
It was probably unrealistic to expect the apocalypse to start right on time at the end of 2012—especially if it starts in Russia, where Christmas is two weeks late. So, here it is, a giant meteor (or meteors?) filling the skies over the Ural Mountains, and injuring nearly a thousand people.
But what do the religious leaders of Russia's Orthodox Church have to say about this terrifying incident? Well, being gloomy Russians, they are just blaming it on the God they worship:
A meteorite which injured hundreds of people in Russia's Chelyabinsk Region on Friday was "the Lord’s message to humanity," a senior local clergyman said. "From the [...]
Oh hey it's Veterans Day, America's most ambiguously celebrated federal holiday. Everyone (mostly) professes to love "the troops," especially if it's not too close to a news cycle about the troops urinating on the war dead or burning Korans or having sexytime with a lady biographer. But lots of people are bummed out by what the troops are expected to do, which is fight in imperial wars to secure oil supplies for people who won't use the subway or get a Prius. What to do? Luckily, the day is almost over, so there's nothing really "to do" except enjoy this video jukebox of surprising famous/infamous military veterans, such as [...]
Michael Peter Balzary, who wrote what is inarguably one of the greatest basslines of all time, turns 50 today. It might be hard for younger readers to believe this, but there was a time when his band, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, had an astounding amount of credibility (Blood Sugar Sex Magik was released on the same day as Nirvana's Nevermind, and people who are now old were equally excited at the time for both). The Chili Peppers' cachet has long since disappeared for various reasons which, not being a music historian, I can't fully explain (although even I have not listened to anything they've done since [...]
Perhaps you're partial to the classic "ibex-as-ninja" footage, or the guy who writes great songs but then sings them so gratingly as to make it difficult for anyone to listen to them. Or maybe you like the one with the death-dealing golden eagle or the leopard. They all have their merits. But for true goat-video lovers, I think this is likely the single greatest goat video of all-time.
50. Twisted Sister (H)
49. Tamar Braxton (H)Lyric Legend: M - “Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow” used H – “Hang a shining star upon the highest bough” used M/W - Both used
48. John Denver & The Muppets (H)
47. Christina Aguilera (H/M)
46. Jessica Simpson (H)
45. Michael Bolton (H)
44. Neil Diamond (H)
43. Joe (H)
42. Clay Aiken (H)
41. Kelly Clarkson (H)
40. John Travolta & Olivia Newton John (H)
39. Captain & Tennille (H)
38. Scott Weiland (M)
37. Sufjan Stevens (H)
A failed engagement leads Ben (Bradley Cooper) to quit his job as an analyst at a NYC hedge fund and retire early in a small town upstate. He buys a fixer-upper and begins to find a place among the town's kooky residents, including the town's unlikely plumber, Jess (Kristen Wiig). It isn't long, however, before both his ex boss (Jeff Bridges) and fiancee (Rose Byrne) attempt to bring him back to his old life. Music: Vampire Weekend – “Ya Hey” (4:19) Placement During Trailer: End
Was Hugo Chavez a demagogic despot who cloaked his dictatorial tendencies in long-winded rhetoric about his love for the poor or a champion of an underclass who had spent too long in brutal subjugation to a wealthy elite who cared little and did less for them? Either way, he's dead now, which means his life must be recounted in cut-rate CGI from Taipei. This is the world in which we live.
Finally, one of the millions of video-equipped smart phones in Brooklyn have caught an unidentified flying object hovering over some of the world's priciest real estate. Why do the alien monsters want to live where everyone else wants to live?
It is not a coincidence that similar formations of eerie lights are also being seen (and video recorded) over the Mission District in San Francisco. And there's video of that, too.
"He has very definite tastes. He likes a waistline, and he likes her to show her figure off. He’s always staring her up and down and smiling. They're like two kids who just met. They're really adorable." —Ann Romney's favorite designer tells New York what gets Mitt hot, and whether Ann wears magic underwear beneath her strapless gowns.