"I don’t know of any architects out there who want to kill birds." —Oh, they do, with their great glass facades and alluring skyscrapers. They just won't admit it in public, because of America's strident bird sympathizers in our long war against our avian enemies. For now, New York City remains a bird death mill in which we slaughter 90,000 evil birds each year. It's a good beginning. But we won't truly be safe until we kill ALL the birds. Just remember: for every bird we nab with our attractive see-through buildings, two more birds circle our airports, desperate to crawl inside our jet engines.
When last we checked in on the war against the birds, our plan was simply to kill most of them. And now we meet the head of the Department of Agriculture's Airport Wildlife Hazards Program. His job? Killing some birds. In gas chambers. Also, did you know that those fat cats in D.C. are less likely to die in airplane bird strike incidents? That's right! "All the D.C. airports have a federal biologist on the payroll."