Posts Tagged: Sperm

'Kamikaze Fighter Sperm' Would Be A Good Name For A Band

I have to say I find this clip and its explanation of the sperm produced by jealousy to be absolutely delightful and not a little transfixing. (It turns out that it comes from this [...]


Your Street Probably Smells Like Semen Right Now—But It Might Not Next Spring

On a mild April night some years ago, I walked past a college dorm in New Haven and smelled something I couldn’t place. It reminded me vaguely of swimming pools. Was it chlorine? I sniffed again, more deeply than before. Suddenly I knew exactly what it was and hurried away, internally berating an unseen teenage boy. A few evenings later, in the same spot, I smelled it again. Filled with a sense of moral outrage I looked around, I looked up, and identified the culprit: A tree.

More precisely, a Callery Pear, or Pyrus calleryana, a deciduous tree that’s common throughout North America. It blossoms in early spring and produces [...]


French Sperm Don't Get Fat

"When it comes to sperm counts, French men aren't what they used to be, according to a new study. Researchers found that between 1989 and 2005, the number of sperm in one milliliter of the average 35-year-old Frenchman's semen fell from about 74 million to about 50 million – a decrease of roughly 32 percent." —Before you dismiss this with a, "Big deal, so there will be fewer men wearing berets and stealing our Oscars for performances in which they do not even bother to speak," bear in mind that it's not much better anywhere else.


Things Chris Jones Wished Women Treated His Semen Like

"Most women act as though they're sexual Olympians, as though they're doing the men in their lives the greatest of favors merely by presenting themselves like a downed deer strapped to the hood of a car. Some of you are deluding yourselves…. Like, maybe grab a mirror and spend some time learning how your own body works. It's nice, too, when you don't treat our semen like it's battery acid." —Chris Jones, Esquire.

20) Fire Jolly Ranchers

19) Arby's Jamocha Shake

18) Soft-Boiled Egg

17) Melted Toffifay Candy

16) Steri-Fab Bed Bug Killer

15) Grape Snow Cone


Science Finally Discovers A Way To Make Men Use Condoms

"A dose of ultrasound to the testicles can stop the production of sperm, according to researchers investigating a new form of contraception. A study on rats published in Reproductive Biology and Endocrinology showed that sound waves could be used to reduce sperm counts to levels that would cause infertility in humans. Researchers described ultrasound as a 'promising candidate' in contraception. However, far more tests are required before it could be used."\

Previously: "'Don't Worry About It, Baby, I Use A Lot Of Wi-Fi'"


Squid Gets Around

"Indiscriminate Squid" would be a good name for a band.


Who Donates Sperm?

"Sperm is a hot commodity in 21st-century Britain," writes Alice-Azania Jarvis in the Independent, which, go ahead, have a good laugh. HOT SPERM! It's the perfect SEO lead! While you're chuckling, let's also get these out of the way: the article mentions the "grey market" for sperm and also talks about "how the act of donation is rather opaque." Okay, got it all out of your system? Great.

Jarvis' piece uses Britain's sperm sparsity—you will recall that the situation is so dire that random sperm vigilantes are going out on their own to seek semen—to ask a larger question: What sort of man donates sperm? Well, the helping [...]


Are Ladies Dumb Enough To Trust Dudes About Birth Control?

"Now the chemical snip! Male pill works like a vasectomy – but will girls trust men to take it?"


American Sperm

"Why is US sperm so popular?"


Getcher Hot Celebrity Sperm Right Here

"A sperm donor service aimed at matching women with anonymous celebrity dads – such as rock stars and famous athletes – will launch next year, its owners have claimed."


Is McDonald's The Future Of Male Contraception?

"The amount and type of fats men consume may have an effect on semen quality. More precisely, eating high levels of saturated fats appears to lower total sperm count and concentration."


Man Full Of Love, Sperm

You know, if a fellow can't set up his own home sperm lab without the long arm of the law reaching around to jam him up then something is seriously wrong with this country. It's time to get the government off our backs. And fronts.


This Machine Sucks (Ba-Dump-Bump)

Because I am feeling too lazy to make up a bit about Superman renouncing his American citizenship after angry birthers claimed his allegiance to Krypton made him undeserving of its privileges, I will instead simply pass this one along. It is apparently some kind of sperm retrieval machine. Have your way with it. God, Thursdays.


Your Sperm: What's In It?

Feelin' lazy today, so I'm just gonna tee this one up and let you all do your thing: "According to this long article on penis bandwidth, one sperm has 740 MB of data, or about exactly as much as a CD." Okay, take it away! I do want to point out that Sonic Youth's Goo is pretty obvious, so maybe steer clear of that one.


Kilts Good For Scotch Eggs

"Kilts, worn as they were meant to be worn, without underwear, lets our laddies swing freely in the breeze, creating, according to researcher Erwin Kompanje, the 'ideal physiological scrotal environment.' Exposed to the bracing Highland coolness, testicles will make robust sperm."


Evolution Has Voted Against TV-Watching Slobs

If you enjoyed the usual American male weekend of constant television viewing while sunk deep in the pizza-crush folds of your sofa, evolution has already decided it doesn't want your kind in the generations to come. That's why low-activity men who watch lots of television have dramatically lower sperm counts than those who get some exercise.

The subjects of the study were college-aged men in New York state, aged 18-22. The first group did 15 hours of "moderate to vigorous physical activity per week," about 2 hours daily. The second group just slobbed out in front of the flat screen for 20 or more hours weekly. Besides being incredibly [...]


Dept. Of "Giveth and Taketh Away"

"The father of a man who died while donating sperm is asking for a compensation of 4 million yuan ($632,000)."


I Am the World's Worst Sperm Donor

I don’t know why I’m never quoted in trend-pieces about What the Millennials Are Doing. I’m 23. I live in Brooklyn. I’m a perpetually underemployed graduate of a highly ranked East Coast university. I live with a female roommate who owns a lot of ramekins. And I decided to become a sperm donor to make ends meet In This Economy.

Manual labor jobs are on the decline, you know. Based on how winded I got trying to move a box of books into a new apartment a few months back, I probably couldn’t survive in a manual-labor-based economy, but like anybody with a steady flow of testosterone, I still like [...]


"Don't Worry About It, Baby, I Use A Lot Of Wi-Fi"

Here is another way you are killing your sperm: "Working on a laptop wirelessly may hamper a man’s chances of fatherhood. In a study, sperm placed under a laptop connected to the internet through wi-fi suffered more damage than that kept at the same temperature but away from the wireless signal. The finding is important because previous worries about laptops causing infertility have focused on the heat generated by the machines."

Previously: Are You Killing Your Sperm With Food?


Are You Killing Your Sperm With Food?

Let's talk sperm! Turns out your diet may be harming your swimmers.

Experts at Harvard Medical School in the US found men who consume lots of saturated fat and monounsaturated fat may have fewer sperm.

In contrast, those who eat healthier fats – specifically omega 3 and omega 6 – may have healthier sperm that is more active, the study suggests.

Saturated fat is found in processed meats such as bacon, sausages and ham, dairy and butter. Monounsaturated fat is found in items such as olive oil

Basically, the takeaway is this: That bacon-egg-and-cheese you had for breakfast this morning? Consider it birth control!