Oh dear, here we go again: “Wall Street is a meritocracy, for the most part,” an irate but of course unnamed onetime Citigroup executive confides to junior father confessor Gabriel Sherman in this week’s hallucinatory New York magazine cover story, “The Emasculation of Wall Street.” “If someone has a bonus, it’s because they’ve created value for their institution.” READ MORE

Well, here you go. What to even quote? Let's try this! READ MORE

Christmas is nearly upon us. Are you prepared? Let us help with this guide to gifting for every occasion. All of the gifts here are certified by us as things that people actually would truly like to receive this holiday season. (Hint, hint.) READ MORE

I'll just leave this here. Oh, okay, how about a review of Joe Walsh's work activity this year, his first in Congress? Well, it's pretty amazing actually.

Here's every bill he's sponsored.

• Joe Walsh, West Bank Expert: In April, he was the sponsor of H.R.1501, which reads: "To withhold United States contributions to the United Nations until the United Nations formally retracts the final report of the 'United Nations Fact Finding Mission on the Gaza Conflict.'" You can read the UN report here; it's from 2009, perhaps you've already read it. (Summary: "UN Fact Finding Mission finds strong evidence of war crimes and crimes against humanity committed during the Gaza conflict.") But let's retract it!

• Joe Walsh, Language Police: In July, he was the sponsor of H.R.2457, called the "Palestinian Accountability Act." The gist of that is a "PROHIBITION ON USE OF THE TERM `PALESTINE' IN UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT DOCUMENTS." It also includes a prohibition on funding the Palestine-supporting U.N.

• Joe Walsh, Economic Theorist: September brought H. R. 2945, the "Capital Gains Inflation Relief Act." Here, let "Americans for Tax Reform" (AKA Grover Norquist) explain that to you:

If an investor purchases a stock for $100, and later sells that same stock for $400, he must report and pay taxes on a $300 capital gain. However, some of that gain is merely due to the effects of inflation over the years. In many cases, much or all of a capital gain is merely inflation. With an historical inflation rate of 3%, inflation halves the real value of all assets every 24 years. While this is bad enough, it adds insult to injury to have to pay taxes merely on inflated gains.

• Joe Walsh, Lonely Scientist: H.R.3396 seems self-explanatory: "To abolish the Office of Polar Programs of the National Science Foundation." LOL: "Cosponsors: None."

• Joe Walsh, Christmas Lover: H.R.3403: The "Save Christmas Act." Spoiler: it has to do with Christmas trees.

• Joe Walsh, Constitution Amender: H.J.RES.54 and H.J.RES.56 are incredibly hilarious attempts to ensure a balanced U.S. budget—wherein yearly spending would not exceed 18% of GDP and some other wacky things.

• Joe Walsh, Annexer of Palestine: And then there's H.RES.394, "Supporting Israel's right to annex Judea and Samaria in the event that the Palestinian Authority continues to press for unilateral recognition of Palestinian statehood at the United Nations."

That's what Joe Walsh did this year. Two bills were referred to committee; the rest were referred to subcommittees, so they can laugh at him.

What does money smell like? The Times notes the rapid rise of "sweet" in perfumes, which makes sense, given that pop culture is garbage and syrup, though Prada Candy, God bless. There are also a few holdouts, like Hermes perfumer Jean-Claude Ellena: "Instead, his new Hermès Santal Massoïa, introduced in November, is made of the 'milky' woods sandalwood and massoia. It smells sort of like a tree that’s been through a brutal storm." LOL! (Also, weirdly true. Though also sort of like a ripe melon got trapped in a sauna after being beaten with a cedar bat.) Elsewhere a (terrible-sounding) perfume is described by saying it "conjures an image of Janis Joplin holding a lollipop." I wish they'd said "conducting a jam band with a lollipop." Anyway. People like to smell things, sometimes.

Well, it is fun to run the numbers on exactly what "sort" of person runs a wedding announcement in Vows (technically now called "Weddings/Celebrations," which is so dull). The numbers are useful and also, sure, about what you'd expect. Harvard. Credit Suisse. Gay. That sort of thing. But two things: our trusty researcher friends here are comparing education and job credentials to the "average American," which, oh no. Vows is a section that is for New Yorkers, not average Americans. And New York is a funny place. (Full of gays who went to Harvard.) But then also they're dismissing self-selection in a totally untoward way, writing: "There's also no easy way to rule out a self-selection bias. (Theoretically, 9.4 percent of the people who want to be in the wedding section could have Harvard degrees...)" Um, I would say that that is way more than true? You have to submit to Vows a minimum of six weeks in advance, and the submission form is quite lengthy. In fact, it's so long that as you start to fill it out, you have time to realize that it's all basically for snobby gay a-holes who work at Credit Suisse and then you stop filling it out, if you have any real sense. Once it's like "AND WHAT DOES YOUR FATHER DO FOR A LIVING?" you're like, oh God, who cares, go pound sand. (Seriously, their sample form goes like this: "(first celebrator's) father, who is retired, was a (job title/I.D. here) in (location here) for (company/organization name here). (his/her) mother is a (job title/I.D. here) in (location here) for (company/organization name here)." Which is so LOL! It's like the worst and least-fitting game of Mad Libs ever.) Anyway then you're like "Why do I want stupid people to read about MY SPECIAL DAAAAAY?" and you realize that you'd like to retain some dignity, instead of splashing it in the faux society pages. Besides if you're gay, there's likely another wedding in another state or country coming your way soon, so you can always reapply later. Suckas.

Oh yes: you probably do not know this, unless you read all of the papers. (And if you do read all the papers, that means you got to enjoy "Recall election could trigger change," a real doozy from the Herald, though they also have this brisk and informative thing for those unfamiliar. Trigger change! It sure could. Or could not. Anyway!) Today the mayor of Miami and also a Miami-Dade county commissioner are up for a recall vote, which is notably the work of one man. One billionaire, no less: Norman Braman. Now... the squeaky thing here is: he's right! There should be an ability to recall these people. And also there should be crazy things like "term limits" and fewer people ransacking the county, which is Braman's agenda. And then there is absolutely no discussion of who comes next: there's a monster-sized vacuum for a monster to pop up in. Given the scope of the pro-privatization, "anti-tax," right-wing-funded political candidate training going on in the country, the rash of recalls we'll likely see over the next year have the same problem. The post-recall elections are wide-open to anyone with the funding to run. And you know who's got the money.

In the passing convulsions of partisan government, it’s easy for our corporate lieges to depict themselves as victims. There’s always some legislative push, or Congressional leader, to bedeck with alarmist rhetoric about the “tax-and-spend” set in Washington—even as these same clever professional victims harness the supine Congress to tamp down the estate tax, extend regressive tax cuts and ensure that the regulatory state keeps weighing the financial industry’s various roulette wheels in the house’s favor. READ MORE