- Princess Poppy Purrington
Why are you doing this to me? I have been good! I haven’t pooped on the carpet or chewed up your shoes in years! I have not not bitten anyone, not even the small ones of your species that tempt me so. Why are you punishing me like this?
The thing where you put the noise-and-flashing-lights-machine on when you leave, I mean. You know that I can’t turn it off, right? I have tried. I have spent most of the past three days trying. It’s no use. The pads on my paws are too big to manipulate the small buttons on the remote control. I am suffering horribly. [...]
Europe is back in recession, there's some kind of fiscal cliff people are worried about, and WalMart reported dismal earnings today as poor people continue to not have money. But on the elite urban coasts, things are looking pretty good! California real estate prices jumped 19% last month, and New Yorkers are back to their main form of recreation, which is gasping in aspirational horror over the cost of apartments. The time is right for a new kind of architecture—an architecture that is not so much "architecture" as it is "a mix of interior design pieces and pet costumes," an architecture not so much [...]
It's very easy to kill your household animals in a hurricane. The easiest way is to suddenly panic and have to leave your house and lock your animals in it. Or, if you live in Red Hook, perhaps you will lock your chickens in their coop and then leave the neighborhood, forcing your neighbors to risk their lives in chest-deep water to save them. In other parts of town, people locked up or tied up dogs and cats, because they didn't know what to do, and left birds in cages—and abandoned them. These things happen! Most of us would agree that it is better to save yourself first [...]
Today, my very nice vet told me she'd been reading in the veterinary trade magazines all about what she called, using airquotes, "economic euthanasia." She said that here in New York City she wasn't seeing much of it-though there were a few anonymously dropped-off bunnies and kitties!-but that out there in the real America, it was off to the slaughterhouse with Fido and Whiskers. Well, you know, how you supposed to have a cat when you're getting made homeless? Still, when I got the bill estimate, which, to be honest, could be measured in iPhone purchases, I was like "YEAH, OKAY PUT THE CAT DOWN NOW." (Kidding! I paid it, [...]