Posts tagged as Morons
240 Politicians Come Together In Support of Teens Having STDs
240 members of the House of Representatives voted to deny federal funding to Planned Parenthood. Because you know what we should all be against? Healthcare, unbiased information and STD prevention. Enjoy your uneducated and pregnant kiddos, Republican America! Should anyone have any money left after the politician-induced recession, perhaps they could give some to Planned Parenthood.
"Immigrant List" in Utah to Result in Long Jail Spell For Racist to Make Lists
The proud non-immigrant organization Concerned Citizens of the United States has been sending their list of suspected "illegal immigrants" in Utah-there are 1300 whole names on it!-to anyone who'll listen. The feds wouldn't, so then the "Citizens" distributed this menu of Mexican and Central American people to the cops and the newspapers... who are now expending their energy trying to find out who made the list. (What? While these immigrants, some of whom have green cards and U.S. citizen children, are taking our jobs?) Yes, unfortunately for the people of Concerned Citizens (by which I mean, the one person who did this), "they" are going to eventually go to jail for this, seeing as the lists have social security numbers, dates of applications for food stamps and other proprietary government information. You just can't save America from the immigrants! I agree that we should have tried harder when those horrible Irish came over but it's just too late now.
MN Gov Candidate: Reducing the $2.13 Waiter Pay Creates Jobs!
"[Minnesota] Republican gubernatorial candidate Rep. Tom Emmer said the state could gain jobs if employers could a pay a lower hourly wage to employees who earn a lot of money from tips." READ MORE
What Makes Your Movie Family-Friendly? (How Many Mommies Does Heather Have?)
Florida gives a whopping 2%-of-budget tax credit to movies filmed in the state, but only if they're "family friendly." Now the state is trying to define "family friendly" in some tax cut legislation, and some legislators take it to mean movies without any "nontraditional family values." It's a fun semantic shift but mostly it's just to not give a tax credit to any movies with some gay in them. The best part is that this has inspired a rambling bit of hilarity from state Representative Stephen Precourt (R-ORLANDO, OBVS): "Think of it as like Mayberry. That's when I grew up – the '60s. That's what life was like. I want Florida to be known for making those kinds of movies: Disney movies for kids and all that stuff. Like it used to be, you know?" It's an impeccable word salad that he has thrown up here.
Shocker: Extramarital Workplace Affair Ends In Hostilities
Oh, people/animals. Don't you hate it when you're sleeping with a married guy high up the totem pole at work-you know, because you have such excellent judgment skills-and then you decide he is a liar and then you dump him and then you suddenly get fired? Because then you get to destroy his life in the press and in court, which is fun, because why shouldn't you? He's a schmuck, you're a schmuck, you can roll around in the schmuckiness together. It's sort of like if seagulls had newspapers and wedding rings. It's all "Squawk squawk squawk."
GM To Ditch Saab And Hummer
Holy mackerel. GM is closing 1100 dealerships and closing or selling-off Saab, Hummer, Saturn and Pontiac. Oh no, not the Hummers! They are so life-sustaining and wonderful. I love to see the people driving their idiot-tanks. Update: Much, much more here.
The Statusphere? The Gag-Me-Sphere
Barely intelligible ramblings from a publicist recommend that journalists develop their personal brands by using Twitter. You will taste bile before you are halfway through.
