Posts Tagged: Marketing

The Taco Bell Breakfast Is American Freedom And Pride In Its Best And Most Primal Expression

Were we once a nation of tinkerers that split the atom, created the phonograph, and gave Kevin Costner’s career three distinctly different eras? We were.

And yet, despite all the transistors, pneumatic tires, Roombas, and swivel chairs, the elites apparently have no room in their heart for the Waffle Taco, the most obvious object of derision in Taco Bell’s newly announced breakfast line-up.

“Gross,” they cried, in their truncated communiques. Breakfast, they libeled, would now be served by “a fast food chain heretofore known primarily for serving shredded cheese, refried beans, wilted lettuce, and horse meat in various combinations of tortilla containers.” Taco Bell breakfast “could conceivably [...]


You Won't Believe This Vicious Satire Of Marketing Evil From Adweek

"Marketers Should Take Note of When Women Feel Least Attractive"


Did You Eat The Bones?

Food marketing is psychotic. It creeps. Smithsonian magazine ran a cover story with the headline How the Chicken Conquered the World. "Let us now praise chicken in all its extra-crispy glory! Chicken, the mascot of globalization, the universal symbol of middlebrow culinary aspiration!" That was last year. "Nothing is more worthless than an individual chicken," Joy Williams once observed. Not for Smithsonian. Obviously there was some war going on and the chickens kicked our ass.

It’s not just the birds. For a character in Francesco Pacifico’s novel The Story of my Purity, the place of psychosis is apricot pastries: "Industrial apricots had become humanity’s enemy number one, [...]


What Is The Real-Real Thing?

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."—Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist"

An old friend once told me a story about her son Edison and this other kid he grew up with, Brendan. It seems that when they were really little, like six or so, the boys were on a soccer team, they were playing soccer and Edison fell and was hurt. And everybody clustered round and was all ooh, ahh, to make sure he was okay. Straightaway, Brendan totally faked an injury of his own, thumped to earth and started wailing, so that [...]


Popular Aspects of Celebrities And/Or Gadgets, in Ascending Order

• authentic

• virus-free

• attainable

• exclusive

• compatible

• popular

• English-speaking


Eleven Wizards Of Things Who Are Not Actual Wizards

*The Wizard of Menlo Park

* The Wizard of Photography

* The Wizard of Bras


A Nice Millennial Wine

"The ads promote HobNob as just the right wine to go along with the busy, casual lives, filled with friends and entertainment, of the members of the generation known as millennials, Generation Y or echo boomers." —Enjoy your millennial wine.


How Far Beretta Will Go To Make You Love Guns

"We checked all the Hollywood crap at the door." —Mark Wahlberg, speaking about the making of Lone Survivor, in USA Today, December 22, 2013.

Even though it just opened on Christmas, Lone Survivor has made more money in the U.S. than Oscar-nominated thriller Captain Phillips, which opened back in October—and also stars Navy SEALs. Lone Survivor also beat big 2013 movies like The Hangover 3, Pacific Rim, Oblivion, and Elysium.

Lone Survivor has already made half as much in the U.S. as 1998's Saving Private Ryan, the epic war film to which critics—and its marketing material—favorably compare it. It's already beaten the war film it [...]


The Stupid Online Marketing of Stupid Books

Kathy Andersen, author, Change Your Shoes, Live Your Greatest Life.

If you find yourself writing a book review and publishing it on the Internet, chances are that digital marketers will track down your e-mail address and mark you for public-relations campaigns. Being marketers, they’ll know to focus most of their e-mails on books you might want to review. Being digital, they’ll assume that their audience lacks all but the most basic forms of taste and intelligence and may "Care to speak with Sheila on feeling good in the bedroom (in more ways than one)" or want to follow "a wise and wild path for navigating the dating world [...]


Skydiving Stunt Worth Lots To Energy Drink Brand Because Man Didn't Die

"The sponsorship transcended sports and entertainment into Pop Culture, hitting new consumers that Red Bull does not usually capture, and on a global scale. The value for Red Bull is in the tens of millions of dollars of global exposure, and Red Bull Stratos will continue to be talked about and passed along socially for a very long time." A marketing executive is happy that skydiving daredevil Felix Baumgartner did not plummet to his death yesterday.


Some Revised Tourism Slogans

Acapulco: Not That Many Decapitations Per Capita

Touring The French Riviera? Well Heads Up Because For Some Reason The Casinos Make You Wear Shoes

Detroit — Don't Bother Locking Up When You’re Done

Berlin: Now With Flights To Barcelona!

Come To Sunny South Africa (Unless You Fear Black People, Of Course)

South Korea, Where That Quiet Weirdo From College Moved Shortly Before Never Being Heard From Again


Writers Have Always Been Hustlers

Are you a literary harlot? You are not alone. Even Vladimir Nabokov had an eye for self-marketing, subtly suggesting to photo editors that they feature him as a lepidopterist prancing about the forests in cap, shorts and long socks. (“Some fascinating photos might be also taken of me, a burly but agile man, stalking a rarity or sweeping it into my net from a flowerhead,” he enthused.) Across the pond, the Bloomsbury set regularly posed for fashion shoots in British Vogue in the 1920s. The frumpy Virginia Woolf even went on a “Pretty Woman”-style shopping expedition at French couture houses in London with the magazine’s fashion editor in [...]


The Annual Visit to Detroit: The Car Industry's Big Millennial Grab

A few days ago, in my professional capacity as a Japanese TV News Producer (read: guy who carries tripod, tells police, “sorry, we’ll leave”), I was dispatched to Detroit for the North American International Auto Show.

The first day began with the Car of the Year awards, and the first of many bad metaphors to come: “Michigan’s film industry is also booming, so to put this in film terms: this is the feel-good movie of the year, and the NAIAS is the theater.” On stage, the CEOs lined up almost Von Trapp-style, except for that one guy on the right. The Chevy Volt beat out the all-electric Nissan [...]


"Pap Smear! Pap Smear!" Just Doesn't Have The Same Ring

A crisis pregnancy center in St. Cloud, Minn., has figured out a way to entice local students who might not otherwise appreciate their mix of sex education and religious lecturing (not to mention whoosh-filled videos): According to a coupon inside the most recent edition of the St. Cloud University annual agenda, the Pregnancy Resource Center of St. Cloud, Minn is packaging its STD, HIV, and Pap tests with a free cheese pizza at the local Little Caesars. (One pizza per person only, alas. Although given the religious bent of this place… if you're pregnant, does that mean you're eligible to eat for two?) [Via]


What Does Your Coffee Say About You? And… Is It Something Terrible?

A tall man with a boy’s face stood outside Philz, a $$-on-Yelp coffee shop with a branch in the Tenderloin. He approached the sleek pre-yuppies going in and out and said, “Excuse me?”

He was white and young and fairly clean—nothing like the bums they’d ignored all day—so many stopped. When he then asked for change, they would duck and weave into the AC’d haven of $4 coffee with fresh mint sprigs. (The nice ones stumbled over an apology.) He moved on.

This Philz (a Bay Area chain) is on Van Ness and Turk, a block from Polk Street and its famous gay and transgender prostitutes. It backs up to [...]


"Yeezus" vs. "Born Sinner": Can J. Cole Compete?

Kanye West and J. Cole have a new found similarity: June 18th. After confirming Mr. West will release his sixth studio album "Yeezus" on June 18th, Cole decided to push up the release of "Born Sinner," his sophomore album. And the young artist may be building a bit of competition for Mr. West. Yesterday Cole released the third single from his album, "N***az Know," and the lyrical demeanor of the single is flawless.

Cole is right. Mr. West is one of the greatest. The man cannot be ignored. He has 21 Grammys and five platinum albums and Cole is displaying immense confidence to even go up against that. [...]


Check Your Hot Dogs Carefully Tomorrow Before Taking Your First Bite, So As To Avoid Chipping A Tooth On A Vibrator

“What we’re doing is taking something like a hot dog cart that is so everyday and so mainstream, and we’re showing people that vibrators are mainstream.” —Bruce Weiss, vice president of marketing at Trojan Vibrations, discusses his company's potentially dangerous plan to distribute 10,000 free vibrators from two hot dog carts that will be wheeled around Manhattan.


The Lady Gaga-Farmville Synergy: Who Gets Paid?

What I don't understand about the future, AKA the present, is: well, who's zooming who? Take a "brand synergy moment" like Lady Gaga premiering her new album in Farmville, which, if you are new to the Internet, is some kind of "time management" game on Facebook where you grow crops. So who pays whom for the honor? Gaga gets an enormous, frightening, keyed-in audience; Farmville gets exclusive "added value." Maybe nobody pays anyone? Is this what Tina Brown wanted in the 90s? Also, between this, her abandoned Target promotion, the terrible new song and everything else, has anyone ridden the steep sine wave of exciting fame to slavish [...]


Why is Baseball Destroying the Word "Epic"?

I like Major League Baseball a lot. But I do not like its new marketing campaign, "MLB Always Epic." At all. This is because I like the word "epic." Or I used to, at least. But now it doesn't mean anything any more, and the new MLB television commercials are the most glaring examples of that fact that I've seen.


OkCupid Explained

I've spent the last couple months wondering about dating site OkCupid and its data-driven attempts at viral marketing, but I've always been too lazy to really look into it. Fortunately, Awl pal Rob Walker did so this weekend, and now I know everything.