If you're like me, you've been waiting 26 years to find out what happens next in Lou Gramm's "Midnight Blue" video. What becomes of our hero, the oily gearhead bohunk in the black leather jacket, and his sexy paramour, the restless one who did not care that he was just a troubled boy looking for a double-dare? What of the next day? After they ride off under the moon in that gorgeous cherry-red convertible? What does this world have in store for them once the sun has risen and shined its light on their midnight fling with romantic fate? Well, fellow very old idiots dreamers, our prayers have been [...]

It's a candy-colored world this morning! There is a remarkable article in the Times about three new Ring Pop-inspired fragrances that are coming out under the auspices of Mariah Carey. But they are far more sophisticated than one might imagine.

So remember how we were worried that our dear MC was maybe dunzo 'cause she doesn't/can't sing how she used to? Now, I'm no musical genius but I was always impressed how this halfie could make us all blinky and clean 'cause her mighty voice could slough dead epithelial cells off your face.

"Mariah Carey in a pornographic Father Christmas costume rubbing herself up against a wall without laughing – says it all really."

16. Puff Daddy & Faith Evans featuring 112, "I'll Be Missing You" 15. Taylor Hicks, "Do I Make You Proud" 14. Carrie Underwood, "Inside Your Heaven" 13. Clay Aiken, "This Is The Night" 12. Elton John, "Candle in the Wind 1997/Something About the Way You Look Tonight"

Making allowances that Mariah Carey was, in fact, at a funeral yesterday-"Sorry that I wasn't able to pull it together and really do it right,but I was literally choked up when I saw him there in front of me," she posted to Twitter-there's still a reasonable question to ask: is her voice damaged beyond repair? I was out with noted homosexual and vocalist Julian Fleisher this morning, and he was pretty much reeling in shock at hearing a legend-a bona fide legend, and one that is all of 39 years old-sound the way she did yesterday.

By way of eulogy to the dying animal that is the Diva, my crack team of consultants, statisticians and graphic designers have assembled DIVA-OFF 2010, a highly scientific (we used computers!) evaluation of the greatest divas of the past twenty-five years. A list of divas was evaluated on eleven levels of diva-ness, and, because each diva characteristic is not created equal, we scaled the values in the hopes of creating an aggregate diva number that will serve as a reference point for future generations.

Here is why we needed to do this. On April 14, 1998, at the Beacon Theater in New York City, VH1 put on a [...]

Just in time for Valentine's Day: Matching Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj softcore robot Barbie sex-dolls. Again, Nicki Minaj kinda weirds me out with the Marcel-Marceau stuff. But, in this track that came out early this week and has, unexpectedly, been growing on me ever since, she doesn't shrink an inch next to Mariah and her rhymes are good. And then, at the end, the video's director, Mariah's husband Nick Cannon, pays homage to his starmaking turn in 2002's Drumline. Hammy stuff. But… oddly and inexplicably? I like it.