
Natasha: Okay, what did you think of Techno Roman Madonna and her 13th legion last night?
Julie: Well, to me, Madonna is like the Catholic Church or Penn State. I’ll defend anything she does, even when she's guilty. I’m loyal to the institution.
Natasha: What did you think of her football fruits?
Julie: I thought they were great.
Natasha: DON'T LIE!!
Julie: I thought she should have worn different shoes.
Natasha: This is like when the Catholic Church or Penn State blamed a sex abuse scandal on a couple bad apples!
Julie: The medley was tight, the concepts were good, it looked great and I'd say she sounded [...]

Anthony Ciccone (not to be confused with the, uh… (*puts one finger aside nose*) other one) is the tabloid tale of the weekend, being 1. Madonna's other brother (not the gay one who sold her out with that trashy memoir) and 2. homeless.
Anyway, it all sounds better in German: "Madonnas großer Bruder bettelt auf der Straße"! Or Italian: "Madonna lascia il fratello Anthony a vivere per strada"! Even French: "Le frère aîné de Madonna vit dans la rue." Oooh, la rue. But the original story is actually pretty great, with this headline: "Traverse City becomes magnet for the homeless: Madonna’s brother [...]

It was 17 years ago this week that Madonna's "I'll Remember [Theme from With Honors]" dropped out of the top 50 of the Billboard Adult Contemporary singles chart*, and I worry about its legacy. I know not every piece of art lasts forever, and that even the most deserving works of culture are occasionally forgotten or overlooked in our relentless obsession to discover the new, but it would be a real shame if this timeless gem fell into obscurity.
The sunny, retro stylings of critical darlings Best Coast have not totally grabbed me yet. Not that I particularly dislike them, but, for instance, I would enjoy this song more if it were a cover of Madonna's greatest ballad. But, interestingly, they're premiering their new video on the LOLcats mothership, I Can Haz Cheezburger (which yes, just raised $30 million). Here's the Madonna video.
Just kidding! Here's the real video with Larry King.
Perhaps emboldened by the Internet's more lax standards regarding swearing and simulated sex, the blustery songbird Christina Aguilera has returned to her hypersexualized "Dirrty" mode with the Hype Williams-directed video for her stridently club-ready comeback effort "Not Myself Tonight." There is lapdancing, orgiastic throbbing that would make Paula Abdul blush, unbleeped usage of the word "fuck," and clear homages to at least three videos from the past: Madonna's "Express Yourself" (which was itself inspired by Metropolis); Madge's stark episode of Kinky Hollywood Squares "Human Nature"; and George Michael's "Freedom 90". These throwbacky reference points would seem odd for a record that has been hyped to [...]