The idea that there is an appropriate subject for a Vogue cover is a concept that Vogue invented. The years and years of white, able-bodied, skinny and young models and actresses have trained us to instinctively notice what is and isn't Vogue. There is the occasional diversion if the Academy Awards/Grammys/culture demands; but often when Vogue puts aside its insistence that only one kind of beauty exists in order to recognize a different kind of beauty, they do something worse, like the LeBron James cover with Gisele, which was maybe not an overtly racist decision, but certainly an editorial decision that reflected implicitly racist beliefs about the way a [...]
In the weeks leading up to LeBron James’ return the Cleveland, the rhetoric on both sides of the Cuyahoga river was ratcheted up to levels epic even for fans in a city that has already been savagely beaten with life’s stick on repeated occasions.
I may make fun of the city of Miami’s vacuousness and lack of anything cool other than an art festival that shares a name with an equally uncool Swiss city, but Cleveland is almost too real: gritty and harsh, like the lighting in gas station rest rooms. The Clevelanders I know are smart and dependable as hell, but the city is actually hell.
It’s the definition of a soft opening. The Miami Heat is kicking off the NBA season tonight in Boston, versus the Celtics, instead of in “South Beach”, where the franchise’s love of towering flames would have made for great TV, and where three of the NBA’s ten best players could bask in the certain love of the home crowd.
But NBA schedule makers aren’t clueless. Having media outlets ripping a tasteless pyrotechnic display in a relatively tasteless city would start the Heat off on the wrong foot, and not be at all helpful in rebranding the team as less of a prefab Eastern Conference power and more of a Stand [...]
As anyone who once gave $15 to the Obama campaign knows, POTUS had a birthday this weekend. We signed the card, along with the family dog… and Michelle left town.
Naturally, the most powerful man in the galaxy had but one option: invite over a Murderer's Row of basketball greats past and present to play some ball and have an informal cook-out. Footage from this unusual event is fast becoming the Holy Grail for, well, me; if nothing else, we deserve a few choice vignettes. There's infinite grist for jokes-"did you hear the one about Kobe Bryant, Bill Russell, and the last bag of chips?"-and, more seriously, a thousand [...]
There are plenty of reasons to dislike the decision that LeBron James announced last night, which you of course already know was to leave bleak, broken Cleveland for steroidal, coke-optimistic Miami. These reasons are so familiar and obvious-and the spectacle of James spending an hour of prime time television breaking up with his hometown and referring to himself in the third person so spectacularly sorry-that I'm going to skip over all that. (Although you can click here if you want to read all the good reasons James shouldn't have gone to Miami in one place.) The whole dubious story has been covered to death, but one notable aspect [...]
LeBron James is 25 years old. If he had gone to college and completed all four years, he would have graduated in 2007. Think of the people you know who are that age, think of the decisions they make and how they carry themselves, take a quick glance through their Facebook tagged pictures, and then imagine them with hundreds of millions of dollars and the freedom to do whatever they want. Do they seem like super well adjusted people who are driven enough to have excelled in their vocation, if they had skipped college and had been working for the last 7 years, to have elevated themselves to the [...]
Awesome! Atlanta rapper Waka Flocka Flame goes back to the glory days of the old Pen-and-Pixel designs for the cover to his new mixtape, Lebron Flocka James Pt. 2. Here is Flocka, headband in place, superimposed upon the NBA superstar's body, dribbling a basketball out of a fiery explosion in space (a microquasar, perhaps?), between a packaged brick of illicit-looking product and a large mound of cocaine, which seem to have been left, rather cavalierly, at center court of a basketball arena. There's nothing left to say, really, except thank you. Thank you, Waka Flocka Flame. Thank you. Here, to better appreciate the details:
Scott Raab’s new memoir The Whore of Akron: One Man’s Search for the Soul of LeBron James isn’t really about basketball. It’s about addiction and sobriety, marriage and divorce, childhood and parenthood, loyalty and autonomy. In 15 years at Esquire—and five years at GQ before that—the 59-year-old Cleveland native has, as he writes in the book, “shared cunnilingus tips with Robert Downey Jr., got tattoos with Dennis Rodman, once smoked a bone with Tupac, twice did nothing with Larry David, and visited with Phil Spector in his castle in Alhambra three times, all without gunplay…[and] even went to Bill Murray's house once for an Oscar party." [...]
There have been plenty of parodies of and responses to the LeBron James existential crisis video, but this one really cuts.
Man, LeBron James' existential crisis is sure gonna sell a lot of sneakers.
"Frederick Loos was cussing like a sailor the other night, which was surprising given that he is a Roman Catholic priest and his foul-mouthed discourse was delivered from the pulpit to hundreds of faithful gathered before him. He spoke of God, the need to serve him and how he can transform lives. But interspersed in his sermon was the most colorful of street Spanish, which brought smiles to the faces of many of the gang members, addicts and other young people pressed in tight to listen." -In case you were too distracted or disgusted by yesterday's national sports emergency to catch it, you should now read Marc [...]
"But if LeBron and his minions can prevent the news from leaking, ESPN tomorrow night is going to be insanely compelling television, whether you're sick of this or not! ADMIT IT. It's so much more fun than it would be if some random reporter broke the news on like, SI.com! That it's an hour long is ridonk, sure, but that's how TV works: stringing you along before delivering the debilitating and/or delicious blow. Didn't anyone ever watch Joe Millionaire?"
Haters, am I right? Just waiting for you to fail, pulling for it with all the sad vigor in their mean, withered selves—it's like they take all the things that are wrong with their lives and put them on you, blame you for what's wrong with them and expect you to take the punishment for them. Am I right, though? It's not a rhetorical question.
I honestly do not know if I'm right, because haters just are not a thing in my life or probably in yours, or really in the lives of anyone with a reasonable self-image. You will see a teenager on mass transit in a hater-baiting [...]
Well, that didn’t take long. Four games in—a stinker against the Boston Celtics followed by three dominant performances versus the Philadelphia 76ers, Orlando Magic and the New Jersey Nets—and LeBron James had heard enough negative reaction from all citizens of the Planet Earth that he came close to uttering to the two words that the Fonz was never able to. And despite his pseudo-defiant Nike commercial, where he rhetorically asked, “What should I do?” you can tell that deep down he’s actually thinking, “Oh man, what the fuck should I do?”
TMZ, reporting that LeBron James hired an Orthodox rabbi to offer spiritual counsel for a "big merchandising meeting," notes: "It's been a big summer for the Jews-with Amar'e Stoudemire meeting with rabbis in Israel … and Shaq learning Hebrew. It's only a matter of time before they start poppin' Manischewitz in the clubs!" TOTALLY! Is it too late to call it the Summer of Jews? Because I think that one may have legs! Long, basketball-playing, club-going legs!
The LeBron thing happened and he went to Miami, and you may be left wondering how to react to the whole thing. Does he love me? Does he want me? Is he going to call me like he said he would? Is this really his real phone number? Worry not, the Internet has been really busy telling you how to think about this.
Quite so: "Drew Carey: Gloria Estefan Chicago: Havana Empty factories: Empty condos Crippling unemployment: Crippling unemployment"
-Commence transmission in re: FAILURE OF LeBRON JAMES-
FAILURE is concept dear to humans. Machines are discussing concept as regards defeat of human LeBRON JAMES in human basketball playoffs.
Humans may suspect Machines favor LeBRON JAMES because of LeBRON JAMES' Machine characteristics, as v.3.0 iteration of CORPORATE SUPERSTAR, engineered to surpass previous CORPORATE SUPERSTAR units in areas of height, strength, acceleration, elevation. Despite superior performance characteristics, LeBRON JAMES unsuccessful at completing CHAMPIONSHIP VICTORY SUBROUTINE. Possible diagnoses: defective appendage and/or software error.