A Fairly Comprehensive List of Everyone Who Hates LeBron James

by Jordan Carr

Cleveland... Sad

The LeBron thing happened and he went to Miami, and you may be left wondering how to react to the whole thing. Does he love me? Does he want me? Is he going to call me like he said he would? Is this really his real phone number? Worry not, the Internet has been really busy telling you how to think about this.

If you are in Cleveland or New York City, you definitely hate LeBron. Even if you are an adorable grandmother.

If you own the Cleveland Cavaliers, you hate LeBron (in Comic Sans). Like, really hateREALLY.

If you are an acclaimed film director, you hate LeBron.

If you govern New York, you are perplexed and unimpressed with LeBron.

If you are a Canadian music superstar, you are surprised but congratulatory.

If you’re LeBron’s former teammate, you’re definitely mad at LeBron.

If you write about sports, you really, really, really, hate LeBron. But also, everything he stands for.

If you wrote a glowing book and op-ed about LeBron (actual quotation: “there are few things better in all of sports than watching him interact with children”), you now hate LeBron, his fans, his show, Greenwich, Connecticut, the Internet and apparently basketball. And you are incoherent.

If you’re Lance Bass or anyone else, you’re on your own.