Model's Lawsuit Pretty Much Describes The Purpose Of Modeling @9:30 AM
Did you see the atrocious Vince Vaughn movie Couple's Retreat? You might have. It did pretty well at the box office for some inexplicable reason. In any event, if you didn't take some kind of PTSD memory-blocking drug to obliterate the horror of having endured that film, you may recall a scene in which Jon Favreau's character jacks it to a picture of a pretty lady on a brochure. Turns out said lady is actually a real person, and she's none too pleased about the whole thing. In fact, she's suing! READ MORE 27
Alleged Fish-Poisoner Free To Strike Again @12:50 PM
Sometimes the natives of Knifecrime Island like to mix it up a bit and eschew the bladework for which they have gained worldwide renown. Take the case of 19-year-old Chantelle Amies, accused of poisoning a neighbor's three goldfish with bleach. In a staggering miscarriage of justice, Amies' trial was dismissed on the grounds that there was no evidence. READ MORE 13
David Kaiser and Lovisa Stannow look at a new report on juvenile prison rape. I'm not going to include any of the anecdotes or hard numbers, but be assured, everything about it is absolutely horrific. @11:20 AM 15
Nation's Longest Serving Exonerated Inmate Freed @1:00 PM
Stories like this one, about a Florida man who was freed today after spending 35 years in prison for a crime he did not commit, drive me crazy. James Bain was sentenced to life at the age of 19 after being convicted for the kidnapping and rape of a nine-year-old boy; DNA evidence proved that he was not involved. I cannot imagine what he endured in jail, how his family has suffered for the past three-and-a-half decades, or, really, any of it. Beyond the nightmarish aspects, it's the small details that really stick: "The 54-year-old said he looks forward to eating fried turkey and drinking Dr. Pepper. He said he also hopes to go back to school." 29
The future is now: "University of Wisconsin-La Crosse student Adam Bauer has nearly 400 friends on Facebook. He got an offer for a new one about a month ago. 'She was a good-looking girl. I usually don't accept friends I don't know, but I randomly accepted this one for some reason,' the 19-year-old said. He thinks that led to his invitation to come down to the La Crosse police station, where an officer laid out photos from Facebook of Bauer holding a beer – and then ticketed him for underage drinking." [Via] 19
The lawyer for Richard and Mayumi Heene, parents of the "Balloon Boy", has said that the couple will plead guilty to various charges tomorrow (Mom cops to a misdemeanor while Dad takes a class 4 felony). The two are expected to get probation, although there should probably also be some stipulation in there that bars them from appearing on TV. @10:25 AM 4
Orly Taitz Could Have Prevented The Massacre At Fort Hood @12:30 PM
"Recent terrorist incident at Fort Hood has given this question paramount importance. This order has advocated blind obedience by the members of the military. If someone were to have common sense, brains and strength of character to challenge allegiance of Nidal Malik Hasan in court, after he made numerous anti-American and antimilitary statements, maybe 12 young boys wouldn't be 6 feet under today, maybe 12 mothers and 12 fathers wouldn't had their hearts ripped out of their chests and torn apart."
—Birther Queen Bee Orly Taitz explains why the court should reconsider her recently-dismissed complaint against Barack Obama. 25
Fat Man Hopes To Sway Jury Of His Peers @4:00 PM
To the frontiers of justice: "A Florida man accused of killing his son-in-law in New Jersey is arguing that he was unable to commit the crime because he was too fat." The unfortunately—or perhaps fortuitously, if you're his defense attorney—named Edward Ates will testify that his massive girth would have prevented him from running up and down a set of stairs where the murder occurred. "When the battered-wife defense was first used, it was considered abhorrent and bizarre. Jurors may be open to this in a society that talks about the infirmities that that obesity causes," says a noted trial lawyer. Okay! 13
Scalia: The Constitution Is There To Keep Us From Doing Butt Stuff @3:50 PM
Let's play a quick game of compare and contrast! Ready? Look at the following two statements. You may already know the first one.
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
Here's the second one. It's a little more recent. It comes from Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, who made an appearance with fellow Justice Stephen Breyer in Arizona yesterday.
The whole purpose of a constitution is to constrain the desires of the current society.
Those desires, you will not be surprised to learn, include defetusing and men sticking manparts into parts of other men. Anyway! 40
Intentional Pedestrian Splasher Nabbed Through YouTube @10:00 AM
I was standing in the rain, waiting to cross Delancey Street, Thursday afternoon and I noticed a large puddle on the street right next to the sidewalk. I stepped back from it as far as could, all the way to the fence of the parking lot there. Must have been eight feet. Still, sure enough, a school bus drives by hugging the curb, plows through the puddle, and sends off an arcing wave of NYC street water that hits me full on, drenching me chest to toes. Pretty much summed up my day.
So I was glad to learn that the driver in the above video is facing charges. 8
Texas Commission Will Work As Long As It Takes To Get Death Penalty Investigation Right @11:20 AM
The Texas commission examining the execution of Cameron Todd Willingham—chronicled in a recent New Yorker piece by David Grann—has indefinitely postponed a session in which it was to hear a report which casts doubt on Willingham's conviction. The postponement is a result of Gov. Rick Perry's replacement of every member of the commission he is allowed to appoint. "If you've got a whole new investigation going forward, it makes a lot more sense to put the new people in now and let them start the full process, rather than bring people in there for a short period of time and then replace them," said Perry. "I think it makes a whole lot more sense to make a change now than to make a change later." Good point. You want to make sure everything is reviewed as many times as it takes to get it right when it comes to an issue as serious as this one. 3
New Video: Justice And Lenny Kravitz "Let Love Rule" @11:30 AM
Life has been good to Lenny Kravitz. Despite sucking terribly, he's been able to make lots of money, have sex with women like Lisa Bonet, Nicole Kidman, and Adriana Lima, and island-hop the Mediterranean on yachts. I guess he's made his contribution, by teaching us a lesson about the essential unfairness of everything. So that's cool. Anyway, to celebrate the 20th anniversary of his 1989 debut album, Let Love Rule, he hired the French production team Justice to make a dance remix its title track. The song still sucks. But the video is actually kind of fun! Says Stereogum: "the tongue-in-cheek Keith Schofield-directed video is … smart and entertaining. A first for a Kravitz-related project? Just kidding: Love is gentle as a rose. And love can conquer any war." 15
This Is Our Roman Polanski Post @9:30 AM
BALK: You wanna do Polanski? I can't believe he fell for that whole "fake film festival" ruse.
Our Incarcerated, Mentally Ill Juveniles @3:50 PM
As cash-starved states slash mental health programs in communities and schools, they are increasingly relying on the juvenile corrections system to handle a generation of young offenders with psychiatric disorders. About two-thirds of the nation's juvenile inmates – who numbered 92,854 in 2006, down from 107,000 in 1999 – have at least one mental illness, according to surveys of youth prisons, and are more in need of therapy than punishment.
I saw this article on the front page of the Times this morning and thought to myself, "Oh, man, it is way too early to deal with that." I finally read it, and yes, it's absolutely horrific. I was able to make it as far as the part where the grandmother of one of the young men discussed in the story "asked not to be identified because of the stigma of having a grandson who is mentally ill" before I had to stop for a couple of minutes and go walk around; your own breaking point may vary. Please do read it, but know that it's rough going. 6
The Argument Against American Sex Laws @3:45 PM
The current issue of the Economist contains both a leading article and a more in-depth piece condemning America's treatment of sex offenders, which the magazine considers both ineffective and overly harsh. The specific cases they use to make their points are obviously extreme examples designed to provoke outrage, but you know what? They're pretty outrageous. 22
Sotomayor Confirmed @3:25 PM
The United States Senate has confirmed Sonia Sotomayor as the 111th Justice of the Supreme Court by a vote of 68-31. Suck it, empathy- (and Latina-) haters! 8
America's Longest Contempt Case Is Over @3:10 PM
This weekend H. Beatty Chadwick was released after spending 14 years in a Pennsylvania prison for contempt of court—the U.S. record. Chadwick was jailed for refusing to deposit $2.5 million in alimony to his ex-wife; the judge who released him decided that the contempt order had, after 14 years, become punitive rather than coercive. 5
Family Sues Genie Over Poor Cell Etiquette @1:40 PM
Annals of jurisprudence: "A Shariah court in the town of Mahd Al-Dahab is taking up an important question: Can genies be summoned . . . to appear before a judge? According to Wednesday's Al-Watan newspaper, a family has filed a lawsuit against an unnamed genie for stealing mobile phones, sending threatening voice messages through mobile phones imploring the family to move away and pelting family members with stones when they go out at night." Reached for comment, the genie claimed to be unaware of the mobile phone shenanigans, saying, "If that had happened, I would know about it." 5
Madoff Sentenced Forever @11:36 AM
Bernie Madoff has been sentenced to 150 years in prison for his Ponzi scheme. That's the maximum sentence, although Madoff has reportedly hinted that he could turn it into 350 for you with almost no risk. Anyway, now that justice has been done, our nation's most entrepreneurial swindlers can get started on the next great scam. 4
Court Rules For Firefighters In New Haven Case @10:07 AM
The Supreme Court has reversed the Second Circuit's ruling in Ricci v. DeStefano by 5-4, "on ideological lines." The case, in which a white firefighter claimed discrimination after being denied a promotion, will be at the center of Judge Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation hearings for the Supreme Court. The full decision is here. 6
Supreme Court Disallows Child's Strip Search @11:39 AM
In an 8-1 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that an Arizona school violated the law when it strip searched a 13-year-old girl suspected of possessing prescription strength ibuprofen—"the equivalent of two Advils." 24
In Addition, Cap'n Crunch Is Not Actually A Navy Officer @4:09 PM
Via Buzzfeed: "On May 21, a judge of the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California dismissed a complaint filed by a woman who said she had purchased 'Cap'n Crunch with Crunchberries' because she believed 'crunchberries' were real fruit. The plaintiff, Janine Sugawara, alleged that she had only recently learned to her dismay that said "berries" were in fact simply brightly-colored cereal balls, and that although the product did contain some strawberry fruit concentrate, it was not otherwise redeemed by fruit." 14
This day is SO NOT HAPPENING FOR ME. @1:40 PM
The Supreme Court ruled that former Attorney General John Ashcroft and FBI Director Robert Mueller cannot be sued by a Pakistani man who was detained in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks because they did not actually kick him in the stomach or drag him across the ground themselves The Court also announced that it will review the appeal of convicted swindler Conrad Black. Finally, a recent Fox News poll suggests that one in six Americans thinks Oprah Winfrey would make a good replacement for Justice Souter. If you can think of some amusing way to connect all three of these items you can have my job. 12
Woody Allen, American Apparel Split The Difference @11:12 AM
Woody Allen has reached a $5 million settlement with American Apparel. Allen sued the company for $10 million after they used his image without permission; AA's lawyers argued for a settlement, either because they realized that they were unlikely to prevail in court or they decided they'd milked enough publicity out of the case already. 2
Toweling off @12:38 PM
The fatcats who control our nation's secretive paper towel industry are at war with one another, and the lawsuits are flying:
Procter & Gamble Co. filed suit May 8 against Georgia-Pacific in U.S. District Court in Cincinnati alleging bow-tie patterns in new-and-improved Brawny paper towels infringe the trademark bow-tie shapes in the quilts of P&G's Bounty Extra Soft.Brawny's "Great New Look" is "an obvious attempt to trade on the goodwill, reputation and commercial success achieved by Bounty Extra Soft," P&G says in its lawsuit.
Jesus, is it really on Wednesday? 4
America Still Tops In Prison Occupancy @4:42 PM
"AMERICA leads the world in incarcerations, both in terms of the total number of people it puts inside and in the proportion of its citizens that end up behind bars." Suck it, Russia and China, we still rule! 24
Conservative Judge Quits Bench @9:40 AM
U.S. Court of Appeals Judge Michael W. McConnell, a George W. Bush appointee, is leaving the court for a job at Stanford Law School, another indication that conservatives realize it's going to be a long time before they have another chance of moving up. I guess if you're going to be stuck in a dead-end job with life tenure, it may as well be an academic position rather than a judicial one; at least there's a possibility that you might see a salary increase some day. 1
Pirate lucky we didn't ship his ass to Guantanamo @8:19 AM
You know, I'm well aware that the Post—and Andrea Peyser in particular—is the designated Ed Anger of our city's media scene, and I'm further aware that there's a long newspaper tradition of angry populism from people who know better, particularly when it comes to the criminal justice system, but reading today's piece from the Peys was something of an eye-opener. READ MORE 6
Judges say the darndest things @3:54 PM
Guess who said it?
Now so let me understand this. Not only do we have to let him come into the country illegally and stay here, not only do we have to provide him with public assistance, not only do we have to provide him with free health care, not only do we have to provide him with a free attorney when he gets in trouble, now he wants a bilingual probation officer, because otherwise it's inconvenient for him.
Any idea? A crazed commenter on a Minutemen messageboard? Not exactly: that's James Citta, one of two New Jersey trial judges facing ethics charges for a variety of discriminatory and discourteous statements made from the bench. Nice. [Link requires registration.] 0
The Dunshine State @3:16 PM
Here's a fun story about Florida's "exceptionally aggressive system to collect the court fines and fees that keep its judiciary system working. Judges themselves dun citizens who have fallen behind in their payments, but unlike other creditors, they can throw debtors in jail—and they do, by the thousands." 0
