Posts Tagged: Jesus Christ
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Spider-Man Is A Lot Like Another Jewish Superhero

“Jesus is an awesome guy. When Pontius Pilate said: ‘They say you’re the son of God. If you’re the son of God tell me.’ Jesus was like: ‘I know who I am, bitch.’

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Is Everyone Taking Stupid Pills This Week? If You Say 'No' Then You Are Also Taking Stupid Pills.

"The Vatican cardinal Gianfranco Ravasi told press in Italy Wednesday that, essentially, Jesus was the 'world's first tweeter,' according to The Telegraph. No, history's most famous carpenter didn't have a BlackBerry or a Twitter avatar over 2000 years ago. What Ravasi meant was that Jesus's messages were short, but often powerful, much like the way many people communicate on Twitter today. '[Christ] used tweets before everyone else, with elementary phrases made up of fewer than 45 characters like "Love one another," said Ravasi.' —Let's just assume this is one of those things that [...]

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American Religion On Its Death Bed, Going To Hell Soon

Only a decade ago, it seemed horrifyingly certain that the United States was the exclusive realm of screeching old white people who defined themselves by their consumption of guns, gasoline and corn-syrup anusburgers. The president was a blue-blooded Yale (and Harvard!) man who successfully acted like a moronic Texan suburban cowboy who was always either giggling over his ability to execute retarded people or crying about Jesus. A once smart nation seemed to be operated entirely from shoddily constructed stucco megachurches on the exurban fringe of the world's ugliest sunbelt sprawl. It was depressing, but it was also probably the peak of all that awful bullshit. The "Nones"—[...]

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The Day They Got Jesus

Remember back in January when everyone was so delighted by that dude's discovery of the date on which Ice Cube had a good day? Well, prepare to be equally ecstatic for the news that another good day has been dated… Good Friday, to be exact. Researchers believe that Jesus, as described in the New Testament, was crucified on Friday April 3, 33 A.D. Textual and geological clues, along with astronomical data, support the date. Scientists acknowledge that natural events described in the Bible could be allegorical.

"Could be allegorical" indeed. Anyway, mark your calendars.

Photo by Binkski, via Shutterstock

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The Loveliest Lynchee Was Our Lord

You know who else wore a hoodie?

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Jesus Toaster Deftly Appeals To America's Love Of God, Tacky Commercial Crap

"Treat the toast with reverence." Truer words, etc.

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Happy 6015th Birthday, Planet Earth!

NOTHING brings me greater pleasure than WorldNetDaily's email list. Today's subject line: "Earth's 6015th birthday this year!" It's an important way to keep in touch with the Other America. (Maybe I'll actually buy this book, too! After all? "This is one of the most important literary, historical and Christian works you'll ever own, a treasure for any home library. It's a must for your homeschool library.")

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Are These The Worst Sites On The Internet?

We have new rankings in the Wow This Website Is Abominably And Panderingly Stupid list—with a huge upset in the number one slot!

9. Gawker Dot Com 8. Probably a tie between The Bustle and The Daily Caller and The Blaze and Tumblr 7. Twitter Dot Com 6. Twitchy Dot Com 5. The Traffic-Getting Half of BuzzFeeᴅ Dot Com That Is Manipulative And Gross (Well?) 4. Elite Daily Dot Com 3. Weather Dot Com 2. Upworthy Dot Com 1. Viral Nova Dot Com

It's a crazy day when Business Insider can't even make this list. Thought Catalog? MORE LIKE PULITZER CATALOG.

Congratulations, Viral Nova! You're HORRIFIC, [...]

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Just Give Reddit A Few More Decades, They'll Crack This Boston Thing Yet

Entrepreneur Jason Calacanis made the call yesterday to speculate and crowdsource about the Boston bombings—"'Shut up and let the cops do their job’ in the case of a terrorist attack is EXACTLY wrong"—but he needn't worry, Reddit is all over it. They have a spreadsheet even! So let's find out how the nice folks at /findbostonbombers are doing.

• "I hate to even bring up this point, but when I have seen videos of radical Islamists yelling 'allahu akbar' in the past, I seem to recall seeing them make something like the pinched thumb and forefingers gesture he is making in the second picture."

• "also could it [...]

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"Baby Jesus Stolen" Nativity News Watch 2012

According to the latest tally on Google News, there are 2,803 current media reports involving stolen Baby Jesuses from nativity scenes. This represents a [made up percentage] increase in nativity infant thefts over 2011, which had held the previous record with [made up number] documented desecrations of Christmas scenes. Many are wondering just how low we can go, as a species. If children and other pranksters think it's "okay" to lift a plastic baby with a hole in its bottom for a colored light bulb, then what else might people do, given the chance?

"It is one thing, I guess, to steal even the shepherd or a king," said [...]

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Dinner List Unlikely

I suppose it's possible that somebody once might have said, "Jesus Christ, George W. Bush, you're no Winston Churchill," but other than that I have a hard time ever imagining those three names in the same sentence, let alone as ideal dining companions.

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Thank You Jesus For America

"If Jesus Christ had never been born, there would be no United States of America."

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Jesus: The Beardless Years

"Cleanshaven Jesus" would be a good name for a band.

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Land of the Rising Son

"According to the story, he apparently lived to the ripe old age of 106 in Japan, where he was buried in what is now modern-day Shingo. He changed his name to Daitenku Taro Jurai, married a Japanese woman, Miyuki, and had three daughters, according to an English-language pamphlet offered in a small chapel on a forested hill in the village." —Take a visit to the town where Jesus Christ, after escaping his crucifixion by boat, lived out the rest of his days.

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Tattooed Jesus Takes Lubbock By Storm

As the great Butch Hancock noted of his birthplace, "Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in Hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on Earth and you should save it for someone you love." It's our contradictions that make us beautiful in the eyes of the Lord, I guess. Anyway, I love how the people they talk to about this billboard are like, "Yeah, maybe I'll look it up next time I'm online or whatever." I guess that counts as a kind of storm.

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After 650,000 Page Views, CNN Decides Atheist Mom Is Okay After All

An atheist mom's blog post on CNN.com was so controversial—imagine being a mother and not teaching your child to worship Jesus—that editors nearly removed the offending material. But the Texas mom's reasons for raising her Texan child without religion "struck a chord," meaning it went viral on the Internet. Some 650,000 page views later, there was a change of heart at CNN.com. Maybe an atheist mom should be allowed to keep her child, after all.

This week, she gained a whole new audience and the reassurance that she's not alone. Her essay on CNN iReport, “Why I Raise My Children Without God,” drew 650,000 page views, the [...]

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No Darts For Jesus

"A man is escorted by security from a televised darts match after being taunted by the crowd – because he looked like Jesus." Verily, verily, I say unto you, there is video.

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Bunny Still Dead

How did you celebrate Easter? I personally welcomed our Lord's return by drinking an unwise amount, a decision for which I am currently paying the inevitable price. But, you know, it's the resurrection; if you're not gonna rejoice in that, what are you going to rejoice in? Anyway, He is risen. As this news report points out, the same thing can't be said for the bunny. This morning I am feeling a lot more like the bunny than the other guy.

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The Only Tim Tebow Column You Need

If you are wondering what a Tim Tebow is but don't have time to examine the voluminous coverage surrounding him of late, this should get you caught up.

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The Endless Drone War in Pakistan

"A group of Pakistanis met in Islamabad late last month to discuss the impact of U.S. drone strikes in their communities. One of the attendees was a 16-year-old boy named Tariq Aziz who had volunteered to learn photography to begin documenting drone strikes near his home. Within 72 hours of the meeting Aziz was killed in a U.S. drone strike. His 12-year-old cousin was also killed in the Oct. 31 attack." U.S. drones have killed 175 children. (via)