Posts Tagged: Jesus
4

CNN Executives Carefully Reviewing Reader Submission From Atheist Mom

Look at this headline, if your faith is strong enough: "Why I Raise My Children Without God." Whoa, what is going on at CNN.com? Did someone forget that CNN's job is to protect God from weird blog posts by random moms in Texas? What if a child finds out there's no God? Oh don't worry, we're pretty sure Newtown took care of that, for the current generation of five-year-olds. And now our children supposedly shouldn't be narcissists? Is that even American, to not think the entire world and also an All-Powerful Deity exists solely to get you certain presents and make you a rapper on reality television someday?

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19

12 Things Currently Being Sold On eBay Because They Kinda Look Like Jesus

Easter Egg Jesus

Description: “My 5 year old created this egg using a Tie Dye Egg kit. This is better than the Jesus grilled cheese, better than the Jesus cheeto, and definitely better than the George Washington chicken nugget. And I'm sure that a 5 year old girl in the Midwest could use a little more money in her college account. Sale is final.”

Starting Bid: None, although there is a “reserve” that is not specified.

Current Bid: $.99, which is not yet enough to reach said reserve.

Item Location: Mason, MI

31

The New Terrible Trauma for Parents: Slumber Parties

"The sleepover, along with its cousin the slumber party, raises a whole array of emotional issues for children and parents." —Wow, the crazed helicopter-parenting generation has crawled so far inside its own ass that it can no longer make sense of anything.

8

JesusCat Would Be A Winning Idea

"As expected, cats are more popular on the internet than Jesus."

25

The Margaret Mead of the North American Weirdo: Winterband

Just when I'd "discovered the magic" of Celtic Thunder and become certain that nothing could more effortlessly succeed at making my ears bleed, a friend sent me a link to North Carolina's WinterBand-the most disturbing Christian rock band since, well, since ever. If you're a geriatric, hobo-wizard, Jesus freak with a dirty mop-head hanging from your chin, it's probably not the best idea to be too critical of others. But that doesn't stop WinterBand's namesake, Steve Winter, from attacking Catholics, Muslims, democrats, women and countless others for the intolerable sin of being outside his confusing comfort zone.

14

Appearance of Dingbat Famous Person Horrifies the Eight People Who Care about Couture

The Times' chief lady-blogger Eric Wilson filed a devastatingly catty piece on Lindsay Lohan's new job as the "artistic adviser" of Ungaro, on the occasion of that house's Paris show. (Mr. Ungaro retired five years ago; the company was sold in 1996 and then again in 2005, this time to the founder of Veo Systems, which was a insanely-valued dot-com-bubble-era company that-wait for it!-wrote XML applications for e-commerce. Wow, how magical, banking on the Internet! Who could have invented that?) In any event, Wilson quite accurately describes the horror that the high-end fashion people feel at the sudden intrusion of La Lohan. But what he just tiptoes up to [...]

9

Soon We Will Find Out When Stars Were Made

A scientist promises: "In the next few years we should be able to pinpoint exactly at what stage in the evolution of the universe stars and galaxies formed." Oh boy, the state of Kansas is really not going to like this.

14

The Theology Of "Angel" In The City Of Demons

The first in a series about our favorite TV shows past.

There are some things I know to be true that cannot be objectively or scientifically proven, what theologians call articles of faith. Corporate lawyers, for instance, are not simply bad people who made poor life choices. They actually work for demons, a kind of lesser god-monster from a parallel dimension porously paired with our own. Professional politics, a career nearly all attorneys aspire to, is itself a realm of slightly higher demons—higher in influence and power, not intellect or evolution. These professions, like those of talent agents and film producers and record-label executives and school principals, are natural [...]

10

The Only British Newspaper Reporter in Syria Killed

Just six days after Times reporter Anthony Shadid died in Syria, Sunday Times reporter Marie Colvin was killed, along with photographer Remi Ochlik, when a building used as a media center in Homs was shelled. Also killed: a prominent citizen journalist. Here is Colvin's recent report from Syria, given after the most recent three weeks of the non-stop government bombing. According to the BBC, Colvin was actually the only British newspaper journalist in Homs. Here is her speech on war reporting from 2010. Similar to the bombing of the media, doctors and nurses are being targeted by the government. Now reporters are [...]

5

Taj the Elephant Painted a Picture for a Woman Dying of Cancer

Remember, Taj, the oldest elephant in America, who died this week? (I hope you do, it was like 48 hours ago.) Remember that she liked to paint? Well, five-and-a-half years ago, her caretakers at Six Flags Marine World had her paint a picture for a woman named Lindsey who had pancreatic cancer. A month later, Lindsey died. She was 26.

27

I'm Not Even Going To Fight Willow Smith

I'm a little obsessed/afraid of Willow Smith! Yes, she is 9, and she has a hot single and it's… sort of appealing? She did Ryan Seacrest's show this morning and it was kind of awesome? This feels weird because I don't like rich progeny and the easy jump-off and Will Smith, I've never been a fan-but listen we just have to accept this and roll with it. (Also she is very smart and for a 9-year-old, incredibly well-spoken. And NO, I actually did not just call her "articulate.") Listen. YOU CANNOT FIGHT THE FUTURE. Just let Willow be Willow. Points of view: "Lyrically, there's mention of [...]

19

The 'Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon' of Cat Fight Videos

You know I feel bad, because cats should be about the love. But holy God is this a cat fight. The first 24 seconds are just a good vocal warmup. Then it's off and over the roofs and walls and up and down stairs and man these cats hate each other. Like most fights, it ends just the way it began: without much gained.

22

Not Mollie Sugden!

WHEN WILL THE CARNAGE STOP? HOW CAN WE APPEASE AN OBVIOUSLY ANGRY GOD?

0

Jesus Tweets for the second time.

Head here at noon if you're interested in the Twitter version of the Stations of the Cross.

7

Jesus Was A Square

“This fragment suggests that some early Christians had a tradition that Jesus was married. There was, we already know, a controversy in the second century over whether Jesus was married, caught up with a debate about whether Christians should marry and have sex.” —There goes another "utopian hero." Mark Grief is going to be bummed out.

33

Yet Another Chambermaid Is Clearly Tool of Shadowy French Conspiracy

In what the New York Times described as "tawdry allegations," the head of the International Monetary Fund and the possible next president of France was yanked out of first class on an Air France flight at JFK on charges that he'd raped a maid at the Sofitel in New York City.

Like most rapes, this is clearly an elaborate plot by the French Central Directorate of Interior Intelligence, the French President and possibly the CIA and/or Carla Bruni. "He must have been trapped," said the head of France's Christian Democratic Party. "He is a well-known seducer but does not have the profile of a rapist," [...]

17

British Police Winning The War On Disabilities

Police in London are under fire after footage emerged showing officers pulling a man with cerebral palsy from his wheelchair and dragging him down the street during recent student protests against tuition fee hikes. "Though it is almost too dark to see [20-year-old Jody] McIntyre being hauled from his wheelchair just seconds later, sudden and repeated shouts of 'What the fuck are you doing?' make it obvious what it going on. Moments later, Mr McIntyre can be seen lying in the road as a policeman drags him towards the kerb and the camera. 'You just tipped him over,' cries a voice, as another officer prevents fellow protesters [...]

26

A Million Bankers Laughing: SEC Totally Hosed in Goldman Case

Good grief. So, to back up a little, the crux of the SEC's case against Goldman Sachs is that it was never disclosed that, when Paulson & Co assembled a motley pile of CDOS for an outfit called ACA to sell to our German bank friends, Paulson actually intended to short against those CDOs. (In popular parlance, "to bet against" those CDOs. And when that package went south, Paulson cleaned up.) So! And now it turns out that a Paulson guy, Paolo Pellegrini, went to the assemblers at ACA and informed them of this! He had an entire meeting scheduled with ACA's CDO person devoted to this [...]

7

"Hang On, Jesus, Peggy's Getting A Haircut"

Question of the day: "The Question Becomes: If this is the end…what should we do? Get involved politically and fight for our freedom or just sit at home, watch 'Mad Men' and wait for Jesus to return?"

1

Soldier Kills Soldiers On Baghdad Base

"Pentagon officials say five soldiers are dead after a fellow soldier opened fire at a U.S. base in Baghdad."