Hey, what did I miss on my huge, three-day vacation? Oh yay, New York "has descended into a bizarre, riveting spectacle of corruption and political debasement"! (Politico also notes that "At this point, only two of the six statewide elected officials, Sen. Chuck Schumer and Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, were actually elected to the positions they hold.") But also, oh noes, my three favorite running political stories have largely up and died.

It is now confirmed that Harold Ford has never filed a New York tax return, even though he says he lives here and he's worked in New York since 2007. On the upside for him, you're not a real New Yorker until you don't pay your taxes, so I guess it's a wash.

I've been complaining to anyone who'll listen that our Senator Kirsten Gillibrand is doing herself absolutely no favors in preparation for a Harold Ford incursion on "her" Senate seat, despite the recent noise that she is "hitting back" and the "gloves are off" etc. As ludicrous as Ford seems to many of us, and wow is he, yes-still he's something of a threat, even though she is loaded for the campaign. He could actually become a halfway serious contender! Here are two things in two days that are not helping!

IMPORTANT HAROLD FORD UPDATE: He's actually not a carpetbagger! He's just a Waverly Inn-going, Morning Joe-doing, banker-loving, Hamptons-chilling overclass cretin with the world's worst financial policy ideas. As you were!

Oh hi. I'm Harold Ford.

There are some things you should know about me.

I write in suspiciously New York Post-like paragraphs of one sentence in length.

And I do it very declaratively.

Was that a word? Sure. Is anything I'm writing making sense? You know it.

Anyway. Even though no one has ever seen me, I have been living in New York City for at least 36 months now, according to my lawyers, and one time I went to the Odeon.

Here is a pic of me that Steven Rubenstein just took. LOL. Is kinda silly right?

Ok pls pls pls pls write me back okay? [...]

Even though he could TOTALLY beat incumbent Senator Kirsten Gillibrand in a primary contest-really, don't you believe him?-Tennessee transplant Harold Ford, Jr., has decided not to run against her, reports the New York Times. Ford has a piece explaining his decision in tomorrow's Op-Ed section of the paper, which is apparently where people go now when they want to pretend that they dropped out of a race for reasons other than the fact that they had no chance of winning.

"Now I've taken a 45-day unpaid leave of absence from my job at Merrill Lynch. It's not right to draw a salary when I'm out every day campaigning. Fortunately, I've still got a little NYU teaching job and some MSNBC, so for a while I think I can put food on the table." -That's New York's would-be Senator Harold Ford, just stone cold being an ass.

"I love New York, I love the smell of New York, I love the city of New York, I love the subway – I take the subway. But I am going to focus on things that voters in this restaurant and those across the city and state care about." -Attention-junkie Harold Ford continues his media blitz at the International House of Pancakes on W. 135th St. This interview with the Daily News was "granted under the condition that the questions be limited to his rationale for running, and not issues." [Via]

"The rugged individualist Harold Ford-who inherited his father's Congressional seat at the age of 26-is a self-proclaimed 'capitalist' who believes that people 'should lose' if they don't do well: unless, that is, the people who 'don't do well' are his funders and controllers on Wall Street, in which case they should be propped up by the U.S. Government with bailouts and loans and Federal Reserve tricks until such time that they can pay themselves tens of millions of dollars in bonuses, at which point they should be left alone in the name of 'free market capitalism' and keeping the Government out of the affairs of industry and away from their [...]

Harold Ford is now totally temporarily unemployed.

"He's like a kid with their first pair of white Converse coming out of the house with no scuffs on him." -A 60-year-old former Harlem resident and congregant of the Greater Refuge Temple in Buffalo, New York, describing Senate maybe-candidate Harold Ford's visit on Sunday.

How serious is Harold Ford about becoming New York's newest official money-launderer? So serious that he'll actually work the room at Michael's. This will not end well (for us).

"Who is Ford's spokesman? Why, it's Davidson Goldin! Goldin, formerly of NY1 and MSNBC, recently started a 'media-strategy and branding firm' with Joe Dolce. Yep, Joe Dolce! Goldin also represents James Frey!" -Alex Pareene, explaining how deep the Harold Ford mess is. This is going to be the worst thing ever. Until his memoir comes out! Then it'll be awesome.