63-37, the Senate approved Elena Kagan, who is either a SECRET MARXIST LESBIAN or a PRO-CORPORATE IVY LEAGUE POLICY WONK TOADY, to the Supreme Court. Both sides, however, can agree that she is suspiciously childless, and overly devoted to her work. Her duties will include not having to hear the Prop 8 case when the Supreme Court denies cert.
The super-weird and super-invasive current strain of anti-single bias has popped up in a whole new Elena Kagan-centric way this past week. It was fine when people just thought she was a striving, careerist lesbian, because that's how lesbians are, but now that everyone actually understands she's straight, it is apparently repellent that she hasn't spawned. Because you know what's wrong with these sterile (emotionally, at least!), career-oriented, success-craving women who make it to the judiciary and the Supreme Court? They just never took time out to have babies. You know what babies give you? Well-roundedness! And I guess therefore the ability to issue Supreme Court decisions! If you have [...]
This is pretty much the last thing my mind can handle while having coffee. But yes, good grief, Eliot Spitzer has been trotted out as a character witness for Supreme Court Justice nominee Elene Kagan's heterosexuality in the world's most ridiculous Internet show trial that proves the Internet has its head so far inside the Internet's own butt. (Or maybe he has been hired as an expert witness? He is, after all, extremely conversant in the matters of professional heterosexuality.) Anyway, we were serious the other day when we referred to Kagan as "thoroughly actually heterosexual man-loving," and, you know what, we are going to consider this [...]
During Elena Kagan's Supreme Court confirmation hearings this morning, Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-Minn.), decided to open her remarks with a question about The Most Pressing Issue Of Our Time (This Week): Team Edward or Team Jacob? One wonders if Klobuchar lost a particularly grueling game of Truth Or Dare that ensued during the Eclipse-premiere-occasioned sleepover she talked about hosting at at her house last night, and thus felt forced to ask that question for the benefit of the C-Span-watching hordes (and her daughters). Kagan demurred, instead uttering a sorta-strident "I wish you wouldn't" that sounded like her pledge of allegiance to Team I Am So Embarrassed For You As [...]
An important follow-up to Upper West Side Jewish Family Found To Be "Left-Leaning"! Now we learn: New York City Once Not A Home To Just The Super-Rich, Also Full of Drugs! Oh yes. This is an amazing expose of Elena Kagan's childhood in a Manhattan "long before Starbucks arrived" (seriously; and yes, I do think they mean "before Starbucks was invented"). Also! Did you know that "regulated rents forced many landlords to sell their buildings to tenant cooperatives"? This is a phenomenal look at history, of New York City seen through a blinding glare that obscures the very recent past to only the most vague of shapes.
Congresscritter Arlen Specter reveals all! In a private meeting, Supreme Court justice nominee Elena Kagan suggested that the Court takes too few cases! Also Kagan suggested that the Court "ERRED" in the abhorrent and disgraceful pro-lobbyist decision in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission. Crucify her! Related: terrifying scandalous video of meeting released! (In it, they nod and make small talk.) We'll see later today if, while roaming the halls of our nation's capitol, this free-talking would-be justice will get served!
If anyone is prepared for a confirmation hearing, it's thoroughly actually heterosexual man-loving Elena Kagan, former Harvard Law School dean and current U.S. Solicitor General. Not only has she thought quite a bit on what a confirmation hearing should reveal, she's no stranger to the political process, having been shut out of a confirmation hearing entirely after Clinton nominated her to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit. But believe it, this process will be excruciating. You thought the Goldman Sachs hearings down in D.C. were mad political grandstanding? You ain't seen nothing yet! And while her confirmation process as Solicitor General was quite boring-she [...]
Elena Kagan is back this morning, testifying as an expert witness in the trial of America's very recent history! One thing some senators are hoping for is a conviction, on the grounds that he is evil, of former Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall. He may have died in 1993 but we can still get him on something! Even though Kagan is defending his abhorrent record!
BREAKING: New York City Jews in the 60s and 70s discovered to be liberal, hard-working, concerned with education for their children and issues of social justice! What does this "new" "information" about Supreme Court Justice nominee Elena Kagan's family mean to us? A: Nothing! You're not confirming her nomination! Happy Juneteenth, everyone!
The New York Post devotes a full spread today to the subject of Softball: Is It For Dykes? Using its slightly upmarket sister publication the Wall Street Journal's decision to put a picture of Supreme Court nominee Elana Kagan with bat in hand on its front page, the Post goes deep, asking whether the sport is a signifier for Sapphic sensibilities. (This, perhaps not unintentionally, also allows the Murdoch organ to blare the words "Elena Kagan" and "she's a lesbian" across the top of the page.) In case you are not convinced, there is actual testimony from South Florida "freelance writer and lifelong softball player" Amy Guthrie, who [...]
Solicitor General Elena Kagan is one of the rumored replacements for retiring Supreme Court Justice David Souter, so the Weekly Standard obtained the thesis she wrote as a Princeton undergraduate nearly thirty years ago when she was a TOTAL RADICAL SOCIALIST. The Standard charitably notes that perhaps her views have "evolved significantly over the last three decades." You know, just like the Republican party platform.
