Posts Tagged: Climate Change

The Real Estate Agent's Preferred Way of Thinking About Climate Change

“The answer is the Pacific Northwest, and probably especially west of the Cascades.”

“Actually, the strip of coastal land running from Canada down to the Bay Area is probably the best.”

“I predict we’re going to have millions of people moving to [the country’s midsection, like Minneapolis, Salt Lake City, Milwaukee and Detroit]."

“Alaska is going to be the next Florida by the end of the century.”

The grim parlor game that we're playing here is "Where will people move when the now-inevitable environmental apocalypse that the human race could've averted but loved its SUVs and one-dollar hamburgers and air conditioning a little too much [...]


It Could Have Gone Either Way But It Turns Out Climate Change Is A Net Negative

"Leaked draft report from UN panel seen by The Independent is most comprehensive investigation into impact of climate change ever undertaken — and it's not good news."


Why Can't We Really Care About Climate Change?

There is a passage early on in McKenzie Funk’s book, Windfall: The Booming Business of Global Warming, that ticks through so many world-gone-crazy anecdotes that maybe aren’t but probably are related to a changing climate that the mind boggles. Drought-crazed camels would soon rampage through a village in Australia, a manatee would swim past Chelsea Piers in New York City’s Hudson River…. Armadillos were reaching northeast Arkansas. Wolves ate dogs in Alaska. Fire consumed fifty million acres of Siberia. Greenland lost a hundred gigatons of ice. The Inuit got air-conditioning units…. In retrospect, this was the moment that we began to believe in global warming—not in the abstract science [...]


Population Of Tiny Island Discovers It Is Ocean-Adjacent

Crazy: a tiny island at sea level (well: it peaks at 18 feet above sea level) is making plans for our watery future. The secret? Putting buildings higher. And collecting rainwater. Who would have ever thought. Let's get boats.


If There's A Hell Down Below It Will Probably Be Cooler Than It Is Up Here

So what are you doing this weekend?


Will Climate Change My Wine Cellar?

Screw floods and other weather disasters, how is global warming going to change the way wine is made?


Superstorm Nemo Eats Half of North America

You're not going to escape this one. According to this NASA satellite photo, the best thing to do is buy ALL the booze and cigarettes and pizza and batteries from the very nearest bodega and then just hope to Christ that Netflix Streaming doesn't go out. But it will go out, along with the power.

In positive news, it will be very beautiful after the storm. Just be careful not to step on frozen people and frozen stray pets, under the foot or three of fresh snow. What are your storm-coping tips?


Voicemails From The Terrifying Future

In 2022, fires will destroy over 2,025 acres of Texas. In 2048, the Glacier Land Resort will open for people looking to see what life was like before the glaciers melted. In 2049, the Smithsonian—no longer open to the public—will feature a preserved hummingbird in their archives, the last proof of their species ever existing.

These are all possible futures as created by the users of FutureCoast, an interactive alternate reality game that began in February and concludes its run in May. Funded by a grant from the National Science Foundation, the overarching story of the game is simple: Mysterious objects known as “chronofacts" have begun appearing throughout [...]


Climate Change Will Reduce Your Fatty Dip Options

Maybe the most effective way to get people concerned about climate change is to threaten them with the loss of all they hold dear.


We Were Not On A Break From Global Warming

"A new study has found that global temperatures have not flat-lined over the past 15 years, as weather station records have been suggesting, but have in fact continued to rise as fast as previous decades, during which we have seen an unprecedented acceleration in global warming…. Two university scientists have found that the 'pause' or 'hiatus' in global temperatures can be largely explained by a failure of climate researchers to record the dramatic rise in Arctic temperatures over the past decade or more."


One Shocking Graph That Explains Why You Don't Need To Worry About "Peak Troll"

Yes, getting to Peak Troll—the state in which everything on the Internet is the worst it possibly could be—is a concern. But let's look at the facts—the facts of climate change! When the future of the Internet is graphed against sea level projections, it all works out okay. Most of us will likely die before Peak Troll completely ruins everything forever. Knock wood—and stay at sea level. Better to go out with the coasts than survive and live through what the Internet will be like in 100 years.


Oysters Bad

Add eating raw oysters to the list of things climate change is fucking up for everyone.


Save Your Complaints About The Heat For A Bit

"Residents of Manhattan will not just sweat harder from rising temperatures in the future, says a new study; many may die."


Obama Hires Hiking Store Lady (Oil Executive/Corporate Banker) As Interior Secretary

President Obama has been in a little bit of trouble lately for not having enough women and minorities in his cabinet. It's too bad he doesn't just point to himself and say, "Did you notice I'm a minority? Presidents used to own people who looked like me, until very recently, in geologic time." But instead, Obama is diligently trying to find women and minorities in their various habitats, such as corporate boardrooms.

Sally Jewell, a former oil company official and corporate banker, seems like the perfect candidate to protect our public lands from the greed and destruction of oil companies and Wall Street. But her business experience is not [...]


We Need A New Excuse For Ruining The Planet

"Dr Saleemul Huq, a convening lead author on one of the chapters, commented: 'Before this we thought we knew this was happening, but now we have overwhelming evidence that it is happening and it is real.' Michel Jarraud, secretary-general of the World Meteorological Organization, said that, previously, people could have damaged the Earth's climate out of 'ignorance'. 'Now, ignorance is no longer a good excuse,' he said."


Quiz: What Kind Of Frightening Reminder That Humans Are Killing The Planet With Greenhouse Gasses Are You?

"Climate change is slowly but steadily cooking the world’s oceans"


It Has Been Hotter Six Other Times So Calm Down Hippies

"This year is the seventh warmest since records began in 1850 and rising sea levels caused by climate change are aggravating the impact of storms such as Typhoon Haiyan in the Philippines, the World Meteorological Organization (WMO) said on Wednesday. More greenhouse gases in the atmosphere meant a warmer future, and more extreme weather, was inevitable, WMO Secretary-General Michel Jarraud said in a statement during November 11-22 climate talks among almost 200 nations in Warsaw."


Evil U.N. Honcho Admits America Is Last Free Country

NATO's already got the rest of the world in its grip: we just have to stay strong: The United Nations Climate-Change Conspiracy Theory—the idea that human-caused global warming is a false construct invented by the U.N. to justify government control of economies and people's daily lives—is alive and well in the United States…. I asked Christiana Figueres, the executive secretary of the U.N. Framework Convention on Climate Change, about the conspiracy theory. By phone from her office in Bonn, Germany, she initially laughed at the question.

"I'm serious, this is a real thing," I said. "Are you aware of this?"

"Yes," she responded, still laughing.

"Is this happening [...]


What Wine Goes With Global Warming?

What wine will be drinking during our future of fire and flood? If you said, "Who cares, life is but a grim slog through boredom and despair, what does it matter which varietal we choose to blot out the pain with?" you are essentially correct but you do sound a little joyless, you know? Unwind, you're going to end up in the ground anyway. Might as well savor a few suitable spirits before the inevitable occurs.


Scientists Still Talking About How Hot It Is As If We Might Actually Do Something About It

"Global temperatures are warmer than at any time in at least 4,000 years, scientists reported Thursday, and over the coming decades are likely to surpass levels not seen on the planet since before the last ice age."