Rahm Emanuel killed them in yesterday's election in Chicago, receiving more than twice the number of votes than the runner-up, Gery Chico, who has the name recognition of a smelly and obscure Asian fruit. (And more than six times the votes of Carol Moseley Braun, the only African-American woman to ever be elected to the U.S. Senate.) Now, Rahm will begin killin' em for real! I almost wish I lived in Chicago, taking your Ravenswood trains and going to, uh, the Loop I guess, on pretend business. Chicago is basically The Matrix, right? That's good, because Rahm is pretty much your Sims mayor.

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More data for the "celebrity is everything in modern life" bonfire: Rahm Emanuel is polling at 44% for next month's mayoral election in Chicago. This is after he got fully shamed by all the other candidates at a meeting with the Chicago Tribune editorial board. Emanuel is the only candidate that supports legislation that would make teachers unable to strike; he's also the only one who says he might push back the retirement age for city employees. He probably has some good qualities too! I mean, lots of us have sometimes benefitted from having mayors who are total dicks. Though he is, of course, a huge charter school proponent. Oh, the alluring rallying cry of "save our students, shut down the failing schools"! But who doesn't have lots of already-rich friends who are interested, as so many are, in a charter school license to print money while stealing from the future?