That's right. As this impressive piece of animation clearly shows, you just grab the bear's tongue.
Or, of course, you lead it onto a playground. Everyone knows what bears love more than anything.
T E T H E R B A L L
One of the worst parts of adolescence is having to hang out at 7-Eleven, so I have nothing but sympathy for this bear.
Are you the kind of New Yorker whose neuroticism and depression sometimes combine to make you think you're not simply sad, you're actually a prisoner to a city which, in spite of all its obvious greatness and endless opportunity, can on certain days make you feel like the most invisible, most lonely, least loved person in the world? Well, get over yourself: No matter how blue you may be, you are still a human being, with agency. Take some pills or move to Cleveland and be all "boo-hoo" there, but either way remind yourself that, no matter how much you suck, it's your own fault and not New York [...]
Don't get me wrong, the bear does not give a good account of himself here, but the fact that we now measure the majesty of nature by the possibility that it might be "classic on YouTube" somehow speaks to what we've lost of wonder in this new age of technology. But yes, bad show, bear.
I know I say this to all the bears, but you, Florida bear who perched outside the chamber of horrors that is the dentist's office before deciding to disappear into the day, are my spirit animal. Go with God. [Via]
"Experts say bears know how to open unlocked car doors, so it’s best to lock your car and not leave anything 'smelly' inside." —This is probably good advice even if you live in a less bear-intensive area than Truckee, CA.
In what feels suspiciously like a post engineered to elicit this very link, the folks at Flavorwire have put together a list of the 15 best fictional bears. Okay, fine, here's your link. HAPPY NOW?
The World Of Bear Rub Videos Will Never Be The Same After This Ursine Friction Cinematic Masterpiece
"Glenn Naylor is a Park Ranger and photography enthusiast who lives and works in Alberta, CA…. It’s not uncommon for Naylor to set up outdoor cameras in the Alberta Parks he works at, picking his spots based on where he knows he’s most likely to catch glimpses of the local wildlife. But his most recent video caught a little bit more than that. Compiled into a video called 'What goes on when you are not there!' the camera wound up snapping an impromptu time-lapse when a group of bears showed up and decided to have something of a party at the local scratching tree." —Take it from a man [...]
"An elderly shepherd in Russia’s North Caucasus survived a bear attack by fighting off the animal with kicks and headbutts, local television reported. Yusuf Alchagirov, 80, also tried to stab the bear when the beast approached him in a raspberry field in Kabardino-Balkaria, but said the animal knocked his knife away. The ensuing tussle culminated in the bear, enraged by the headbutt, throwing Alchagirov off a cliff and walking away, the man said on the regional affiliate of VGTRK television."
Oh, man, these bears are tearing shit up, and I could not be feeling it more. DO YOUR THING, BEARS!
If you are anything like me you will find this video of polar bears practicing fight techniques to be completely transfixing for the ten minutes of its run time. If you are nothing like me your life is probably filled with a fairly regular routine of joy, satisfaction, peace and the highly-underrated ability to appreciate the moments of everyday happiness that occur spontaneously without ruining things by looking for their inevitable downside. And you'll probably still enjoy this video. How could you not, it's amazing.
"A black bear walked into the bar at the Alaskan Hotel in downtown Juneau on Monday night. Bartender Ariel Svetlik-McCarthy says she freaked out and yelled, 'No bear! Get out! No! You can't be in here!' The bear complied, leaving the bar within seconds."
"Not exactly who you'd want to encounter on the streets in Gatlinburg," says the lady from the Today show about the bear shown here wandering through town, but, being familiar with the demographics of East Tennessee, I am hard pressed to imagine who I might actually prefer to run into. The bear sort of seems the best option.