"There was a time when the Super Bowl was not only synonymous with funny advertising, but synonymous with funny monkey advertising. Now, it looks like bears may be taking monkeys' place."
"For the US government, the grizzly bears of Yellowstone National Park in Wyoming embody a stunning success story: a population resurgent after 40 years of protection under the Endangered Species Act. More than 700 bears now roam the region, up from 136 in 1975, when the grizzly (Ursos arctos horribilis) was listed as threatened after decades of deadly clashes with ranchers, hunters and park visitors." Guess what comes next?
If I were out skiing and a bear came running by I think I would make a big doody in my expensive waxed Limonta breeches and hope all that extra insulation I paid for kept anyone else from noticing. Then, if the bear didn't eat me and went off elsewhere, I would be like, "Well, it serves you right for spending a shitload of money to try and go fast down a mountain on two sticks, you idiot." God, is there anyone dumber than the recreational skier? They are the literal definition of "more money than sense." Anyway, the bears aren't going to bed anymore, and we should probably [...]
How about we all make our escape now? Don't let them trick you with the peanut butter and fruit scam, they just want to throw you back in your cage. Roam free, you baby bears. And to all a good night.
Your Ovaries And Whatever It Is Men Have That Are The Equivalent Of Ovaries Will Explode When You See The Adorable Thing That These Bear Cubs Are Doing, Oh My God It's So Cute I Cannot Even Believe It
OMG these bear cubs are dancing. DANCING!
This picture of a polar bear mom cuddling her little cub is so cute that it almost makes me feel bad about how my consumption of products reliant on the burning of greenhouse gases on an industrial scale will eventually render the planet inhabitable for their species. I mean, SO FUCKING CUTE!
"There are somethings people just should not do. Putting their head in the mouth of a 93 stone grizzly bear is one of them," [...]
This is not the governor of New Jersey, who is apparently planning to talk all the way through 2016, but it is for sure more adorable so let's watch it instead.
"The trap with the yearling in it is being watched to see if other bears come looking for it. We have not been told what the plan is if that happens."
Hahahah, this bear walks through the gate LIKE HE WAS PEOPLE! PEOPLE! Below, bonus bear video for your midday Monday enjoyment.
Don't get me wrong, the bear does not give a good account of himself here, but the fact that we now measure the majesty of nature by the possibility that it might be "classic on YouTube" somehow speaks to what we've lost of wonder in this new age of technology. But yes, bad show, bear.
I know I say this to all the bears, but you, Florida bear who perched outside the chamber of horrors that is the dentist's office before deciding to disappear into the day, are my spirit animal. Go with God. [Via]
"Cannibal rats my arse, a bear almost ate me lassie." Yes, that's my impression of a Scotsman on his return to Britain after an encounter with a bear. I can also do a Welshman recounting his brush with a mountain lion, but it plays out pretty much the same way.
I mean, really, come the fuck on. It is FUCKING INSANE how fucking adorable these little polar bears are. Jesus Christ.
Terrible puns await all those who click on this story. Consider yourselves warned.
"Workers in a zoo in Wakamaya, Japan, nurture a tiny five-day-old polar bear cub after his mother stops caring for him" is the description, but "holy mother of fuck has there ever been anything more goddamn adorable if I could shit out my feelings they would be a diarrhea cascade of 'awwww' running down the inside of my leg right now seeing this amazing little polar bear baby video good lord HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THIS THING etc." is the only natural reaction. At least if you have a heart.
"Normally cubs purr when suckling which some think is to remind a hibernating mother bear that her cubs are 'content'. Some previously captive bears continue to do this throughout adulthood, like this one. Can be result of removal from mother at too young an age through hunting or a bear that has been confined to a small enclosure. This rescued bear only knows himself; why he does it."
"An elderly shepherd in Russia’s North Caucasus survived a bear attack by fighting off the animal with kicks and headbutts, local television reported. Yusuf Alchagirov, 80, also tried to stab the bear when the beast approached him in a raspberry field in Kabardino-Balkaria, but said the animal knocked his knife away. The ensuing tussle culminated in the bear, enraged by the headbutt, throwing Alchagirov off a cliff and walking away, the man said on the regional affiliate of VGTRK television."