Diminutive Canine Viciously Ensnared By Fierce Claws Of Monstrous Fowl @12:40 PM
Okay, let's see what we got here: Adorable animal in jeopardy? Check. Mournful average folks expressing their emotions? Uh huh. Deep, meaningful pauses in narration from the reporter? That's a big 10-4. Yes, folks, I think we may very well have located the platonic ideal of a local news clip. I'm glad we were all able to experience this moment together. 16
Miracle Baby Elephant Takes First Steps @1:20 PM
Yeah, don't look at me that way. It is a BABY ELEPHANT. They call him Mr. Shuffles, for God's sake! What is your heart made of, granite? 23
HORSES AND CATS ARE FRIENDS @3:50 PM
You guys, I'm so done with this day! But these horses and these cats? They are doing great! Horses and cats! As good as ice cream and cake! 10
When Otters Attack @1:15 PM
Add the story of an elderly gentleman who was mauled by a rabid otter to your file concerning acts of war by the animal kingdom. The natural world REALLY has it in for us. And can you blame it? (In related news, a bear bit the fingers off of a Wisconsin grandmother, but because she was dumb enough to try to feed it through the bars of its cage, I think this one is far more understandable than the otter incident, which was apparently unprovoked.) 16
A "mad emu" was on the loose in El Paso yesterday, "snarling rush-hour traffic near Interstate 10 and attacking deputies trying to restrain it." The emu was eventually restrained, but died en route to an animal shelter. Authorities say that the bird's cause of death is unknown, but I think we all pretty much understand what happens when you're taken in custody after you've assaulted a cop. I'm sure the bird just "tripped" or something. @1:10 PM 8
Russian Chimpanzee To Rehab @9:00 AM
I told myself we weren't going to start the week with this, but the best laid plans, etc.: "A Russian chimpanzee has been sent to rehab by zookeepers to cure the smoking and beer-drinking habits he has picked up, a popular daily reported on Friday. An ex-performer, Zhora became aggressive at his circus and was transferred to a zoo in the southern Russian city of Rostov, where he fathered several baby chimps, learned to draw with markers and picked up his two vices. 'The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,' the Komsomolskaya Pravda paper said." I guess the markers are a promising sign. Art therapy is often helpful in cases like this. 16
Little Kitty Hugs Baby Squirrel @1:10 PM
Ah, fuck it, go ahead and have a look at your daily dose of awwww. The fact that this comes from the same paper which brings you the news that Brits like tits probably says something about the national character, but who knows? I enjoy looking at both of these things too. 12
Defiant Vole Takes Crap From Nobody @10:35 AM
These pictures of the confrontation between a coyote and a vole in Yellowstone National Park are pretty amazing. Click here for the whole set. But check out that vole! Little guy looks like he's shaking a fist at the coyote. (The vole lives, in case you're worried.) 29
Adorable Doggie Rescued From Ice Floe @2:10 PM
Good news! "A dog which drifted for four freezing days on river ice has been rescued nearly 20 miles out to sea by scientists who initially mistook him for a seal. The plight of the mongrel dubbed ‘Baltic’ gripped the Polish media who logged various doomed rescue attempts on his chilly 125-mile journey." The dog is as yet unclaimed, but may very well be adopted by his rescuers. Do click through: there is a picture of a safe and dry Baltic that will touch the heart of even the coldest dog-haters out there. 5
We Are All Blobfish @12:50 PM
Will overfishing lead to the extinction of "the world's most miserable-looking fish"? Experts say yes. I have no idea, personally, I just wanted to put this picture up. Look at that blobfish! Does he not share exactly the expression you've made several times already today? Or is your mood more like this? 42
Go here to learn about Prionailurus planiceps, the flat-headed, web-footed cats who love water. It is such a crazy world! 8
![The North Central Texas Goat Sucker? [Photo: Joe Duty]](http://www.theawl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/chuba-2-490x416.jpg "The North Central Texas Goat Sucker? [Photo: Joe Duty]")
Is The Metroplex Monster A Chupacabra? @2:15 PM
[Photo: Joe Duty]
“This is a weird little critter. This is not a coyote. This is not a dog.”
—Wise County, TX, resident Tony Potter discusses the animal carcass he discovered last week at a local golf course. Some suggest that this Metroplex Monster is a chupacabra, a legendary cryptid which stalks the American Southwest. Sure! I mean, why not? CHUPACABRA DISCOVERED, PEOPLE! MUST CREDIT THE AWL.COM, and then if you feel like it, credit the actual organization that discovered it in the first place. Whatever you're into, you know? But we'll be happy to take the link. 26
Why are SO CUTE animal pictures and funny animal stories so popular on the Internet? Maybe because they help us cope with the terror of existence:
Pets sit mid-way between a global civil society and a global horror show…. [H]uman beings can't all partake in a single rational discourse about the nature of scientific progress, but they can all laugh at a cat that plays the clarinet. I saw the film of Disgrace at the weekend, and if there's one way that the film actually supplements the book, its with the constant canine imagery. I suspect that this is Coetzee's point, that between the sexual animal violence of the wild and the judicial order of the city lies the intermediary of the pet dog, representing both our connection to nature, and our miniscule distance from it. A cat or a dog turns out to be the most comforting thing to look at, for beings that can't work out if they're animals or not.
Also, they are frigging adorable. [Via] 3
Baby Raccoons Rescued From Vending Machine! @1:00 PM
"Two young raccoons saved from a Pepsi machine in Tulsa, Oklahoma by the 'Skunk Whisperer'"! 21
Did you think there was a chance we weren't going to post this? After a week of grim bear news, this heartwarming tale of Baloo the bear and Shere Khan the tiger—friends since infancy—is exactly what we need to usher in the weekend. There are plenty more pictures on the Noah's Ark shelter's Facebook page, and they are all the kind of adorable thing your mom would send you. I guess now I'm your mom! Enjoy. 30
Britain's Coming Hedgehog Crisis @11:10 AM
After yesterday's news about hopeful Snowball the overweight albino hedgehog comes a rather more distressing report about our spiny mammalian friends: African pygmy hedgehogs are apparently the hot new pet in the UK. While you might think this to be a good thing, it is actually cause for concern: Much like the fate of the now-discarded chihuahua, the future does not look bright for the African pygmy hedgehog. How do we know? It has already happened here! READ MORE 20
Little Lost Pony "Like A Giant Dog" @11:50 AM
Do you have any information about the owner of this little lost pony who was found wandering the streets of Southern California? Help a pony out! 7
Baboons Now As Smart As Bears @10:15 AM
Tourists in Cape Town, South Africa, are being victimized by a gang of baboons, who have "learned how to open car doors and jump through windows in pursuit of tasty sandwiches and snacks." READ MORE 13
Hippos, Crocs, and Cats @2:06 PM
Here are two animal videos, one of which ends badly and the other of which has a more redemptive finale. If you are a fan of crocodiles it is perhaps best that you skip the former. If you like to hear heartwarming tales of rescue for the big cats owned by deceased Colombian drug dealers, the latter will be more your speed. READ MORE 10
Fiddler Crab's Pimp Claw Is Strong @11:50 AM
Scientists have observed that female fiddler crabs will provide sex to neighboring males in exchange for protection from other crabs. The discovery is yet another example of females giving it up for goods and services in the animal kingdom: "Red-winged blackbirds do so for the right to forage on a male's territory," notes NewScientist, "and Adelie penguins exchange sex for stones to build their nests." Animals are whores. Whores! 22
In Italy, The Mob Really Does Feed You To The Crocodiles @11:30 AM
A little late on this, but it's still good: Police in Naples seized a crocodile an alleged mobster had been using to terrorize victims into paying protection money. The crocodile, discovered living on the man's terrace, "was placed in the care of Italy's forestry service," which sounds like the worst punishment of all. 4
The Man Who Wants To Destroy The Pandas @12:40 PM
BBC presenter Chris Packham has caused controversy by suggesting that we let pandas—nature's most adorable creatures—shuffle off this mortal coil. "Here is a species that, of its own accord, has gone down an evolutionary cul-de-sac. It's not a strong species. Unfortunately, it's big and cute and a symbol of the World Wide Fund for Nature and we pour millions of pounds into into panda conservation. I reckon we should pull the plug. Let them go, with a degree of dignity," said Packham of the animals who are just the cutest things in the world. Look at that sleepy baby panda trying to climb in the video there! Who would want to live on a planet without that? Packham later offered an apology for upsetting people with his remarks. He added, "Also we should cull puppies. Gotta go!" 21
Putin Also Talks To Animals @2:45 PM
Ageless creepy-hot Russian Prime Minister, judo master and KGB agent Vladimir Putin spent the weekend talking to his forebears, giant snow leopards who like to kill. Oh, I could write a million hilarious captions, if I had enough coffee, but nothing is funnier than the text from this Moscow Times article: "'Good boy,' Putin said as the cat snarled at him and jumped out while guards and reporters pulled back. 'We have found common language, they understand me,' Putin said." The terror. 5
The Bookmobile: How To Get Free Vet Care, from "Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel," by Phil Villarreal @3:00 PM
Phil Villarreal is a Consumerist contributing editor and an Arizona Daily Star reporter. His new book, "Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel: 100 Dirty Little Money-Grubbing Secrets," is a guide to being an insanely cheap person. He is also on the Twitter, natch, where he teaches you how to get $12 shoes. In this excerpt, he teaches you how to get free pet medical care. Also the book has a chapter on timing your breakup to pay for fewer birthday and Christmas presents. READ MORE 8
Blubbery Sea Creatures To Motivate Blubbery Kids @12:39 PM
"You can almost see a child in front of the exhibit, gyrating, trying to mimic the seal and saying, 'Well this is pretty cool. Then they go home and they may roll around in the backyard and then they may start to, you know … run." Paul Boyle, vice president of the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, explains how a new exhibit at the New England Aquarium may encourage obese children to exercise. 17
Domestic Animals Now Competing With Birds And Swine @4:15 PM
An increasing number of cats and dogs are infected with MRSA—the antibiotic resistant "superbug" created by English people's aversion to washing themselves. However, it seems that the animals are catching the infection from their human owners, rather than other animals, so I guess that's good. Or is it? As someone who spent the day with a vomiting cat I'm not sure how to feel about all of this. I'm gonna settle on "concerned." 0
"Bird Peck" Joins "Bear Rub" In David Cho's Portfolio Of Video Artistry @2:57 PM
It's a weird kind of day, right? I can't even get it together to put up a post about how uninteresting everything is, or at least how little I have to say about all of it. Thank God, then, for Awl Business Manager David Cho, who saw in our earlier "bird attack" video an opportunity to make art from life. While David is an expert at many things, his true métier may very well be setting film of wild animals to music. I hope we don't lose him to Hollywood! 3
Funny Animal Videos Make Everybody's Wednesday Better @10:49 AM
Here is a video of a San Francisco blackbird that relentlessly attacks passersby. There is something eerily hypnotic about it, although that may just be because of the lack of sound. 20
A Boy And A Chimp @1:19 PM
"Hers is a face you remember, and so it is that Harry Raven, now 82, easily spots his old b̻te noire, Meshie Рin a glass case at the American Museum of Natural History in Manhattan, even if her only identification is a sign that says 'Chimpanzee troglodytes.'" Here is a great and crazy story from Joyce Wadler of the New York Times about a man who was forced to grow up with a chimpanzee in the family. 7
