New York City

Things Change

You may find this difficult to conceive, but not everything stays the same—particularly in a large metropolis over the course of 2,500 days.


Train Terrible

Can you guess what line the New York Times calls "the city’s sorriest little railroad"? If you have ever been on it (or, more likely, waited with increasing exasperation before finally uttering a "Fuck this"—the volume of which proved shocking even to yourself—and heading back upstairs to search for any viable means of transportation, rather than the theoretical situation from which you just departed in a rage) you probably can.


How Dirty Is Your Kitchen?

Would your apartment pass the city's restaurant inspection test? Of course not. You live in filth and even if you make an effort at tidying up every now and again the fact remains that here in New York City a thin layer of doody covers all, even the actual doody you do your best to step over as you move around town. Your surfaces play host to an orgy of bacteria, where the grossest of germs satiate their sick desires in a frenzy of deviant pathogenic passion. At night when you sleep the rats and roaches come out and dance a dervish of delight on your countertops as [...]


What's Next For New York?

"My theory is that we are primed for the pendulum to swing back to Manhattan—we are approximately 2 years away from a rash of trend stories declaring that 'Manhattan Is the New Brooklyn,' as people begin to realize that it's actually cheaper now to live in the East Village or Washington Heights or the Upper East Side than it is to live in fucking Williamsburg or Fort Greene or even fucking Bed-Stuy or Crown Heights, at this point, fuck everything."


House Open

"The Fort Greene House Tour, a one-day-only self-guided walking tour, gives participants inside access to 10 Fort Greene homes — including the Brownstone featured on HBO's 'Girls' series — as well as some of the nabe's most prominent arts locations."


Don't Mention The Rats

In a lot of ways this is a city built on Pretend. We pretend that we aren't getting older, that we can still be out until four in the morning and it won't be any different when we wake up than it was in our early 20s. We pretend that we have plenty of time to accomplish all the goals we think are still within our reach. We pretend that the careless ways we act and the carelessness with which we allow ourselves to be treated in turn are merely temporary stops on the way to the true happiness that we think is surely our reward for working so hard [...]


Maybe Bill de Blasio Is Secretly Ruthless? Maybe?

You kind of hope that Mayor de Blasio is making his public gesture of contrition on the issue of charter schools because he realizes that he has so many things on his plate that a drawn-out battle with well-funded opponents who have the benefit of compliant allies in the press willing to discredit progressive politics by any means necessary would be a massive distraction from his goals at this very crucial stage of his term and that he is actually saying conciliatory things right now to take the issue off the table so that later, when the public attention span inevitably shifts to other, more important issues, he can swiftly [...]


College Activist Stunt Ushers In Dialogue On Serious Issue

"Jewish students living in an NYU dorm woke up Thursday to find threatening 'eviction' notices left by pro-Palestinian activists, officials said. The notices – stealthily delivered in the dead of night by members of NYU’s Students for Justice in Palestine – warned students at the Palladium Hall residence that their suites were scheduled for demolition." [...]


This Thing Used To Be That Thing

We walk about the streets of this city rubbing shoulders with ghosts, and sometimes they are raised up and flicker in front our eyes, wailing "Remember me," before they are condemned to disappear once again. Then the giant glass towers and frozen yogurt shops move in.


City Living: How We Make It Work Now

"Hookers are using the controversial Airbnb home-sharing Web site to turn prime Manhattan apartments into temporary brothels," while "[c]rafty hobos are turning the Manhattan Bridge into a veritable shantytown, complete with elaborate plywood shacks that are truly 'must see to believe.'" It is, indeed, a hell of a town.


Social Mecca Envisioned

"On April 10th, J&R will close its doors so that we can rebuild this location into what we hope will be an unprecedented retailing concept and social mecca."


Maybe Furious New Yorkers Will Not Storm Gracie Mansion And Hang Bill de Blasio From His Feet In Central Park

Now that Mayor de Blasio has stopped the snow from continuing to fall, people like him again. You wonder why he didn't do it any earlier. Probably socialism.


Apartments Expensive

"House hunters should brace themselves for sticker shock — Manhattan real estate prices have hit a jaw dropping average of $1,363 per square foot, according to a Douglas Elliman report released Tuesday. With buyers competing for slim pickings in the first quarter of the year, sellers had the upper hand, pushing prices upward and often forcing speedy sales. The average sales price of Manhattan apartments spiked more than 30 percent over the past year to $1.774 million, the report said." —If you need a laugh this afternoon try to remember that one time you thought about what things would be like when you finally [...]


This Week Is Almost Over, I Promise

"I was irate. In a place like Park Slope, it’s culturally insensitive."


Terrible Places Filling Up With Terrible People

"Brownstone Brooklyn is being overtaken by affluent out-of-towners," while Greenpoint is "the country’s most awesome place for young people" to live. I hope you're all proud of yourselves.


Oysters Shucked

"NYC is gross," says the person who posted this video of a man shucking oysters on the N train. The gross part for me is that my immediate response was, "Ugh, what is he trying to promote?" I wish we all still lived in a time where people were just weird and unaware of how their weirdness played out to those around them instead of trying to go viral or whatever. [Via]


I Miss Tokens

"A sharp subway rider warned Metropolitan Transportation Authority officials about a 'skimming' device on a MetroCard machine at the Columbus Circle 1 train station on Wednesday night. The illegal setups are made to blend in with the MetroCard vending machine and its surroundings. They grab electronic information from a debit or credit card when it is swiped to make a payment, and a separate hidden camera catches the PIN number riders enter. On Wednesday, 'an unidentified customer noticed the device, removed it from the machine and brought it to the station agent on duty. The New York [...]


Everyone's Going To Brooklyn

If you ever take the A from Fulton Street into Brooklyn you'll know that the entire trip, whether it is simply the single stop to High Street or the grand tour to the end of the line, starts with a sense of desolation and despair in a dank hole with dour lighting and never really gets better, as each successive second you spend loping listlessly into Brooklyn brings mounting dread and the increasing certainty that life is a cruel joke in which you are both subject and punchline and that even as desperate as you felt waiting for the train in the first place—as sad and agitated and hopeless [...]


This Time It's Jersey's Fault That Brooklyn Smells

Due to a brush fire in the Wharton State Park in New Jersey, residents in Staten Island & Brooklyn may smell smoke.

— NYC OEM – Notify NYC (@NotifyNYC) April 7, 2014

"The smell of smoke wafted over New York City early Monday after a brush fire broke out in a state forest in central New Jersey, authorities say. The city’s Office of Emergency Management tweeted that people in Staten Island and Brooklyn might smell smoke from a forest fire burning along 30 acres of land in Wharton State Forest, a large preserve northwest of Atlantic City. The forest is about 90 miles south [...]


New Yorkers Maybe Aren't All Killing Themselves

"Whatever it is, the truth remains: For every hanging or jumping, there’s someone out there in this city who didn’t kill himself — and likely would’ve given in to despair, if he’d been in Las Vegas, Houston or Atlanta." —Don't believe what you read in the New York Post; New Yorkers are less likely to kill themselves than people in other parts of the country, says the New York Post.