Listicle Without Commentary
5

Alternate Names for the Neighborhood Unfortunately Referred to As "Quooklyn" by the New York Times, Ranked

1. Woodbush

2. Ridgewood

3. Bushwood

4. "Well my mailing address is Queens but I feel like I live in Brooklyn."

17

Trains, In Order

12. Crazy Train

11. Long Train Runnin'

10. Peace Train

9. C'mon N' Ride It (The Train)

1

Velveeta's Online Presences, in Order

The worst thing about holiday travel is when the airline loses the one bag that contains ALL OF AMERICA’S VELVEETA SUPPLY.

— VELVEETA (@EatLiquidGold) January 8, 2014

8. VELVEETA, Pinterest

7. VELVEETA, Facebook

6. VELVEETA, Kraft.com

5. Eat Liquid Gold, Twitter

4. Eat Liquid Goldr, Tumblr

3. VELVEETA, Instagram

2. VELVEETA.com

1. Eat Liquid Gold, YouTube

Edith Zimmerman is the founding editor of The Hairpin.

5

The Squares Of New York City, In Order

17. Stuyvesant

16. Times

15. Herald

14. Mitchel

13. Lincoln

12. Montefiore

11. Verdi

10. Lafayette

40

Bagels, In Order

11. Plain

10. Whole Wheat/Whole Grain

9. Egg

8. Rye

7. Sesame

6. Poppy

1

Nick Drake, In Order

31. Sunday

30. Horn

29. Bryter Later

28. Know

27. Free Ride

26. Time Has Told Me

25. The Thoughts Of Mary Jane

11

Things That Changed The World, From Least Changey to Most Changey

Mauve

Mr. Hornaday, a peculiar Victorian zookeeper

Guinness

The banana

Temple Grandin

The 1960 Olympics in Rome

Indigo

A topographic map which shows a delineation of the strata of England and Wales

Pepper

The Triangle Shirtwaist Fire *

Cod

The 1893 Columbian Exposition *

The year 1959 **

The battle of Thermopylae

The friendship between Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony

January [...]

6

'I Want You,' In Order of How Badly You Are Really Wanted

21. Utah Saints

20. Third Eye Blind

19. Martin Solveig

6

The Seven Deadly Sins In Order Of How Much Effort It Requires To Commit Them

7. Sloth

6. Wrath

5. Envy

4. Greed

3. Pride

2. Lust

1. Gluttony

16

Talking Heads Albums, In Order

8. Naked

7. True Stories

6. More Songs About Buildings And Food

5. Talking Heads: 77

4. Fear Of Music

3. Little Creatures

2. Speaking In Tongues

1. Remain In Light

29

Chopped Salad Toppings, In Order

33. Beets 32. Corn 31. Hearts of Palm 30. Grapes 29. Stuffed Grape Leaves 28. Sunflower Seeds 27. Raisins 26. Black Beans 25. Kidney Beans 24. Tomatoes 23. Sprouts 22. Grilled Onions 21. Roasted Peppers 20. Carrots

13

Ultimately Unsatisfactory Series Finales, In Order

"Fuckin endings, man, they weren't as easy as they looked." —Elmore Leonard

13. 'Breaking Bad'

12. 'Lost'

11. 'The Shield'

10. 'The Wire'

9. 'The Sopranos'

8. 'Six Feet Under'

4

Bach Keyboard Concertos, In Order

7. Concerto in G Minor, BWV 1058

6. Concerto in E, BWV 1053

5. Concerto in A, BWV 1055

4. Concerto in F, BWV 1057

3. Concerto in F Minor, BWV 1056

2. Concerto in D, BVW 1054

1. Concerto in D Minor, BWV 1052

6

Thelonious Monk, In Order

64. Stuffy Turkey 63. North of the Sunset 62. Round Lights 61. Children's Song (That Old Man) 60. Bluehawk 59. Raise Four 58. Teo 57. Shuffle Boil 56. Locomotive 55. Sixteen 54. Monk's Point 53. Skippy 52. Reflections 51. We See 50. Gallop's Gallop 49. Hornin' In 48. Boo Boo's Birthday 47. Who Knows? 46. Humph 45. San Francisco Holiday (Worry Later) 44. I Mean You 43. Green Chimneys 42. Bright Mississippi 41. Functional 40. Brake's Sake

8

Raymond Chandler, In Order

7. Playback

6. The High Window

5. Farewell My Lovely

4. The Lady In The Lake

3. The Big Sleep

2. The Little Sister 1. The Long Goodbye

18

Olives, Ranked

2. Green 1. Black

Photo by Andrey Armyagov, via Shutterstock

10

2013, In Order

12. November

11. February

10. July

9. August

8. June

7. January

6. December

5. April

4. May

3. March

2. October

1. September

19

The 50 Best Versions Of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," In Order

50. Twisted Sister (H)

49. Tamar Braxton (H)

Lyric Legend: M - “Until then we’ll have to muddle through somehow” used H – “Hang a shining star upon the highest bough” used M/W - Both used

48. John Denver & The Muppets (H)

47. Christina Aguilera (H/M)

46. Jessica Simpson (H)

45. Michael Bolton (H)

44. Neil Diamond (H)

43. Joe (H)

42. Clay Aiken (H)

41. Kelly Clarkson (H)

40. John Travolta & Olivia Newton John (H)

39. Captain & Tennille (H)

38. Scott Weiland (M)

37. Sufjan Stevens (H)

26

Fries, In Order

13. Crinkle-Cut

12. Wedge

11. Steak

10. Home

9. Cheese/Gravy/Whatever Nasty Shit Canadians Put On Them

8. Sweet Potato

7. Oven

6. Tornado

3

Snacks Included In Frito-Lay's 20 Singles Classic Mix Bag, Ranked By The Order In Which You Rationalize Your Declining Consumption Standards With The Idea That, Hey, They Are Pretty Small Bags And It's Worse To Waste Food Than To Throw It Away

6. DORITOS® Brand Cool Ranch® Brand Flavored Tortilla Chips

5. DORITOS® Brand Nacho Cheese Flavored Tortilla Chips

4. FRITOS® Brand Original Corn Chips

3. CHEETOS® Brand Cheese Flavored Snacks — Cruncy

2. SUNCHIPS® Brand Original Multigrain Snacks

1. LAY'S® Brand Classic Potato Chips