Kids Today

Everything Still Terrible

"Debate rages over children on juice cleanses," apparently. This is one of those things where you actually hope the tabs are exaggerating for traffic, because otherwise, oh my God. Never mind what we're doing to these poor kids in terms of body image, can you imagine how self-righteous and irritable an entire generation that has grown up on kale and cilantro juice will be when it finally reaches maturity? I guess the upside is they will be tiny and thus easy to push aside.

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Which Museum Did Your Evil Child Try To Destroy This Weekend?

Holy crap. Horrible kids, horrible parents. @tate

— Stephanie Theodore (@TheodoreArt) January 26, 2014

@TheodoreArt @hragv @Juddfoundation Maybe "You break it you buy it" — for $10mm — would have gotten her attention.

— Roberta Smith (@robertasmithnyt) January 26, 2014

And what did you do with your kids this weekend? Did you let them use an eight-figure Donald Judd as a jungle gym at the Tate?


"Teens" Using "Social Media" For "Rides"

"Some kids no longer dream about getting a new car. Instead, they dream about getting the latest smartphone." Kids! Who understands them?


What Young Persons Just Out Of College Don't Necessarily Want To Just Read

"When you are a young person just out of college, you don’t necessarily want to just read the New York Times or Huffington Post." Young persons, is this true?


It's Up To Millennials Now

"I plan to spend time in high school and college classrooms in the next few weeks to explore whether millennials can reverse a generation-long decline in U.S. politics. Will they rejuvenate comity, compromise and a viable political center? Will they pull together, or will they become Generation X-treme? Most important: Will the best and brightest of the largest generation even bother with politics or government?" —Hey millennials, I know you're busy trying to find a job and a way to move out of Mom and Dad's, but we also need you to save the democracy that has failed you so badly. And you'd better do it, or else [...]


The Real Shocker Here Is That Schools Are Teaching Any Kind Of Handwriting

"Across North Carolina and in dozens of other states, teachers are committing what once would have been heresy: They are writing off cursive script." —What are they going to cancel next, semaphore class? Introduction to phrenology? This is an OUTRAGE. How will the youth be able to properly express the sentiment "SEXT U L8R LOL" to one another if not in cursive?


Bare Ruined Choirs, Hairy Ripened Balls

"For many, the sound of Christmas is the dulcet tones of choirboy voices singing Once in Royal David’s City or The Holly And The Ivy. But it seems the ‘sweet singing in the choir’ may soon be silenced – by increased levels of testosterone in young boys."


Where Are The Young People On The Internet?

Facebook wants you to think lots of kids still use it while YouTube doesn't want you to think too much about the fact that lots kids actually do still use it. It's a crazy world!


The Way We Heart Now

Cultural observer Richard Rushfield has some thoughts on how the bountiful level of expression in The Current Conversation has failed to result in a multiplicity of critical perspective, and he blames it on the kids: [T]oday’s abundance of information and voices doesn’t just end up cutting off the breadth of that conversation, but its depth as well. That is to say, not only are fewer opinions heard, but the ones that are are dumber than ever before. The problem goes back to another of my running complaints about Generation Yay: their a-historicism and the roots thereof… It has previously been proven that no [...]


iPads Make Kids Not Have So Much Of The Words

"The iPad generation will learn fewer words, experts fear, as using text messages, emails and computers to learn could be stunting children’s vocabulary."


The Adults Kids Fear

"To adults, services like Facebook that may seem “private” because you can use privacy tools, but they don’t feel that way to youth who feel like their privacy is invaded on a daily basis. (This, btw, is part of why teens feel like Twitter is more intimate than Facebook. And why you see data like Pew’s that show that teens on Facebook have, on average 300 friends while, on Twitter, they have 79 friends.) Most teens aren’t worried about strangers; their worried about getting into trouble."


Morning Show Runs Awesome Supercut Of Idiot Teens Coughing Up Cinnamon

"It's a trend—thanks to peer pressure, and the Internet."


American Teens Lamer Than Ever: Study

"Cigarette use among U.S. teenagers fell to historic lows and a four-year rise in marijuana use appears to have leveled off, according to a national study released Wednesday."


English Lessons

In case you missed it, this is pretty great: "The short video captures young Gabriel deep in thought as he takes in some sage sisterly advice on the perils of spitting, fighting and disobeying one's parents. Defying her own youth, Gabriel's sister delivers a minute-long park bench lecture, telling him in no uncertain terms that he should 'toughen up a bit' before walking off and leaving the words 'think about it, Gabriel' ringing in her brother's ears."


Finally, A Millennial Stands Up For His Generation

"Millennials are entitled, narcissistic, and lazy—you’ve heard this all before." —I would have stopped it right there, but this guy has more to say, I guess.


Unfuckable Harvard Freshman Will Do Anything To Get Ahead

"According to a new survey, Harvard freshmen were more likely to have cheated on a problem set or homework assignment in high school than to have had sex."


Pilot Finds Way To Get Kids' Attention

"A group of about 100 high school students traveling from New York to Atlanta were thrown off an AirTran flight, along with their chaperones, after the pilot and crew lost patience with some kids who wouldn't sit down and put away their cellphones."


'Time' Makes Smart Move In Trolling Generation That Does Nothing Else But React On Social Media

Man, you really have to wonder where millennials ever got the idea that they mattered in the first place. [Earlier]


Teenagers Quitting Facebook Because It's Full of Old People

Teenagers are idiots. They listen to 40-year-old music like Led Zeppelin or the New York Dolls, they dress like those old dudes from The Strokes, and they will never have jobs because of robots. But in one respect, today's teenager is much like the previous century's teenagers: They do not like socializing around their dumb parents and weird uncles and Tea Party Jesus-freak aunts. Because all of those creepy segments of adult society spend all their time on Facebook, the kids have finally figured out that Facebook is not at all cool.

Facebook management admits in new corporate filings that they're losing the teen market to competitors that don't [...]


The Storm That Got Me Into College

"The traumatic experience of surviving superstorm Sandy has provided some high-school seniors inspiration for their college-application essays, a task that in the best of times is already stressful."