Monday, September 15th, 2014

Snackwave: A Comprehensive Guide to the Internet's Saltiest Meme

Over the past few years, an aesthetic we like to call "snackwave" has trickled up from Tumblr dashboards. Now a part of mainstream culture, snackwave is everywhere: it's printed on American Apparel clothes and seen in Katy Perry music videos. It's the antithesis to kale-ridden health food culture and the rise of Pinterest-worthy twee cupcake recipes. It’s the wording in your Instagram handle, a playful cheeseburger selfie, Jennifer Lawrence announcing on the red carpet that she’s hungry for a pizza. In snackwave world, everyone is Claudia Kishi, and your junk food drawer is also your blog.

What we’ve written here is merely a guide to understanding the rise of this very Internet 3.0-specific aesthetic. Snackwave is no longer a lowbrow joke bonding tweens across Twitter feeds and Tumblr blogs. It’s being co-opted by corporate Twitter accounts and fashion companies, both of whom are seeking to talk just like their ‘net-savvy young consumers.

Both of us are very much a part of this scene—in fact, we’ve got McDonald’s Sweet 'n Sour sauce IVs hooked up to our veins right now. We know snackwave inside and out. So grab a bag of Funyuns, a sleeve of Oreos, and get ready to ride the snackwave. READ MORE


When Your Grandmother Loses a Toe

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Business Insider assistant editor Hayley Hudson tells us more about a note she wrote to her grandmother as a young child about the prospects of having only four toes on one foot.

Hayley! So what happened here?

When I was eight, my family learned that my grandma—my mom’s mom—needed surgery on her foot. She had skin cancer, and it had started to spread. Her doctor caught it early enough that operating would take care of everything and she would be fine, but as you can gather from reading the note, she was going to be losing a toe. 

So my mom sat me down to write a card to mail to my grandma’s house in Iowa. I don’t remember the exact instructions she gave me, if there were any. She probably assumed that I’d say something sweet, and the whole thing would be effortless. Instead my words came out sounding like an answer to a test question at a medical school for sociopaths. READ MORE


The Delicate Nature of Asking Your Parents for Financial Help

Spectacular NowI have not asked my parents for very much, mostly because they've never had much, financially, to give. As a child, if you grow up with not that much, you don’t know what you’re missing. For so long, your worldview is only as big as the two-block radius you’re allowed to travel, and since you return home every night like a little boomerang, you only understand what it is that happens inside your house. You only understand the world within the context of what you’re living with, so when I was growing up, I understood on a very basic level that we had enough to get by.

After college, I had a few friends who always seemed to struggle a little less, friends who would be unemployed for languorous stretches of time, drifting through the mire of our early twenties with ease. "Their parents are paying for everything," we would whisper into happy hour beers. "Must be nice."

I found jobs with tenacity, because I was responsible for my rent and my bills and the looming spectre of student loans—the latter of which I generally ignored, stuffing the unopened envelopes into the back of various day planners. I had to pay my own way, because there was no one there to help me, really, and that was just fine. I have always valued the independence that comes with knowing that every wrinkled dollar I paid my rent with was with money I earned. I didn’t want help, because I knew that we didn’t have it, but I was proving that I could at least support myself.

That said, I have asked for parental help, but it has been done grudgingly and only in times of great need. READ MORE


Screen Shot 2014-09-15 at 10.39.13 AM

Mr. Balazs insists on privacy, discouraging cellphone pictures by guests. Employees surrender their phones during working hours and submit to “the most draconian sort of confidentiality agreements,” he said.

A recent breach at Mr. Balazs’s Standard, High Line in New York—the leak of a video of Jay Z and Solange Knowles fighting in an elevator—heightened the need for such measures. Mr. Balazs said that the employee who leaked the video was fired within 24 hours, and that he and Jay Z are considering legal action.

In this age of (slightly) renewed concern for labor issues, one wonders if TMZ's compensation for video footage now takes into account that the leaker will surely be fired, and possibly even sued; it must be payment for services rendered, a severance package, and provide for potential legal fees, all in one (presumably very) lump sum. If it doesn't, will anyone picket TMZ in support of its exploited leakers?


Which cascading threat are you afraid of, personally, as the end of the year crests the horizon? Cascading disease?

In a worst-case hypothetical scenario, should the outbreak continue with recent trends, the case burden could gain an additional 77,181 to 277,124 cases by the end of 2014.

Cascading militancy?

Turkey’s failure thus far to help choke off the oil trade symbolizes the magnitude of the challenges facing the administration both in assembling a coalition to counter the Sunni militant group and in starving its lifeblood. ISIS’ access to cash is critical to its ability to recruit members, meet its growing payroll of fighters, expand its reach and operate across the territory of two countries.

Cascading machine intelligence?

In a lot of these models [for the expansion of artificial intelligence], you have what amounts to a population explosion of digital minds, to the point where you drive down the wages to subsistence level. The subsistence level for digital minds would be a lot lower than for biological minds. Biological humans need to have houses—we need to eat, we need to transport ourselves. Digital minds could earn, like, a penny an hour. The wage level would fall; humans could then no longer earn a wage income. It looks very questionable, in this free-for-all competitive world, that we would find a niche for our small, stupid, obsolete minds…

Cascading environmental collapse?

It is a rare moment when scientists can point to an animal at the edge of extinction and predict when it might disappear forever. But it is happening here, under the golden waters of the desert-rimmed sea, where a small porpoise has almost vanished.

Cascading brands?

The world’s biggest beverage company will begin selling 12-packs of the sweet citrus drink on Amazon Monday, according to a statement, marking the first time Coca-Cola has sold a product exclusively online… “Future plans for the brand will depend on the level of excitement exhibited by fans across the country,” Wendy Clark, president of sparkling and strategic marketing for Coca-Cola North America, said in the statement.

This is really more a question of self-soothing: Which of these can't you put out of mind with an "it'll slow down, eventually" or a "what rises fast falls fast" or a "but think of the real estate opportunities" or an "if this was going to happen an alien civilization would have seen it through millions of years ago and the hyperintelligence would have already found and destroyed us?"


The Whole New Perfume Genius Album Is Streaming

NPR is streaming the whole new Perfume Genius album. For those who like to try before they buy, I suppose.


New York City, September 11, 2014

weather review sky 091114★ Not only did it not conform to any fixed ideas of what other day it might resemble, it would not even conform to itself. The morning sky was a softly rumpled gray, with cool air coming through the windows and the floors feeling damp under bare feet. Little openings of blue passed now and again, moving north fairly quickly. The ropes of the waterproofing crew's rig swayed darkly back and forth across the windows. A moment of sun passed, and the air got more and more stuffy. By the end of the school day, the cloud cover had come apart into streaks and ripples of white on blue. Then came near-full sun and sweltering air, hide-in-the-shade heat. That in turn gave way to a darkening sky, with a reddish tinge upriver, holding for a long menacing movement—and then surrendering too, till returning sun lit the sides of the rigging rope bright manila. Sunset was colorful, but nothing extraordinary.


This Week in Lines

NYU 4:18 A.M. Monday, September 8 — NYU Orientation
Location: Bleecker and Mercer
Length: At least two hundred backpacked cattle
Weather: 75 and mostly sunny
Crowd: Literal fresh-faced fresh-persons
Mood: "Zomg so excited!!!1"
Wait time: Four or five years, depending on major
Lingering question: How many mansions could you purchase with the amount of student debt accumulated the occupants of this line? READ MORE


Eat the Skin


Before eating many fruits and some vegetables, some people—bad, or perhaps ignorant people—do something which renders the produce less tasty, less colorful, less texturally interesting, and much less nutritious. The worst of these offenses involves one of my favorite fruits: the kiwi.

California grows the vast majority of domestic kiwi, and California’s kiwi growing season starts in October, which is mere weeks away. This is exciting, because the kiwi is a spectacular fruit: its color is otherworldly; it leans wonderfully to the tart side of the sweet/tart scale; and it has more vitamin C than an orange. But an awful lot of people don’t buy them, because they are seen, incorrectly, as being in the grand tradition of difficult-to-eat tropical fruits.

Just as it takes practice to properly carve a mango (the first method here is the correct one, since you should never peel a mango before cutting it), or to remove the spiky, dangerous skin of a pineapple (like this), the kiwi has the reputation of a fruit that requires…work. Typical ways to eat it include skinning it with a vegetable peeler and slicing into rounds or cutting it in half and scooping out the insides with a spoon. These options require not one but TWO utensils. Jesus Christ.

I am about to blow your minds, friends. (Unless you already know this, in which case, cool, let’s make a salad together sometime.) The proper way to eat a kiwi is exactly the way you would eat a peach. READ MORE


Disrupters, Disconnectionists, and Dicks

On Tuesday, Nev Schulman took a selfie in an elevator. The photo shows him standing with his hand over his heart, staring all serious straight into his iPhone. In the corner, a bag of groceries and a water bottle rest against the door to block it from closing. The light in a closed elevator is rarely flattering; when you have upwards of 740K followers, there’s not much room to fuck around.

“Cowards make me sick,” read his accompanying tweet. “Real men show strength through patience & honor. This elevator is abuse free. #RESPECT.”

Schulman is the star of the 2010 documentary Catfish, a film about the time he fell in love with an impostor on Facebook, as well as the host of MTV’s Catfish: The T.V. Show, where he counsels people who fall in love with impostors on Facebook. The tweet was ostensibly inspired by his outrage over the recently leaked video of Ray Rice hitting his fiancée in a (different) elevator.



7 NYC Nightlife Adventures That Will Remind You Why You Moved to the City

Brought to you by Heineken.

It’s been said that the essence of city life is the chance encounter—the idea that at any moment you could stumble upon something new and exciting you’ve never experienced before. The sheer number of people, places, neighborhoods and cultural attractions packed in to NYC can feel overwhelming in the best possible way. However, even with the city’s frenetic pace, it’s easy to get locked in to a routine. Before you know it you’re living your entire life along one Subway line and spending Friday nights in your underwear watching Netflix.

So how do you make the transition from jaded New Yorker back to enthusiastic city dweller? Just try your hand at these NYC adventures below.

NYC Night Cruise (AKA Party Boat)


The oft-forgotten NYC Night Cruise (AKA “Party Boat” AKA “Booze Cruise”) is one of those magical opportunities that tourists seem to love but New York residents think they’re too good for. This is unfortunate because there’s nothing like a party-on-a-boat to remind you of the majestic beauty of the city you’ve been taking for granted. While there are plenty of amazing cruises departing from Chelsea Piers at any given night, here is just one: The Spirit of New York dinner cruise. The Spirit City New York outdoor deck is a perfect spot to gaze at the stars on New York Harbor. Grab a brew in the lounge or head for the dance club and move to the latest sounds. There’s a full food menu, attentive service and Broadway style entertainment. Not a bad environment in which to enjoy the world’s most dramatic skyline, right? Photo:

Live Piano Karaoke at the Manhattan Inn


You’ve been to more karaoke nights than you can count. That’s all fine and good. But why not re-invigorate your sad spirit with a new variety of intimate, live piano karaoke? Every Tuesday at The Manhattan Inn in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, pianist Joe McGinty “holds court behind a grand piano, enthusiastically accompanying anyone with the desire to croon, sing, belt, or whisper their favorite song.” (There are over 200 to choose from). The Manhattan Inn’s dim, inviting atmosphere is the perfect spot to relax the nerves and prepare you for a night of pouring your heart out in public. Photo: The Manhattan Inn



'Shy People' and the Consequences of Excavating a Lost Film


-Look over there.

-I don't see anything.

-You don't see them. They'll see you.

Andrei Mikhalkov-Konchalovsky's Shy People opened in New York and Los Angeles in December of 1987 after winning the award for Best Actress at the Cannes Film Festival and receiving a handful of rave reviews. The film was seen by few people and nominated for even fewer awards, even though its lead actors—Barbara Hershey, Jill Clayburgh, and Martha Plimpton—teetered somewhere on the mostly recognizable and well-liked edge of B- and C-list. In May of 1988, the film was given a slightly wider release, allowing it to take one final gasp of air before falling into the murky depths of forgotten films and becoming an official bomb.

Considering the fact that major publications failed to get even its general plot correct in their Fall movie previews, the fate of Shy People was unsurprising—most notably to Roger Ebert.

Of all of the great, lost films of recent years, "Shy People" must be the saddest case. Here is a great film that slipped through the cracks of an idiotic distribution deal and has failed to open in most parts of the country…If you want to see it, move decisively; it will be pushed aside soon by the big summer releases. With slightly different handling, "Shy People" could have been a best-picture Oscar nominee.

Roger Ebert

May 20, 1988

In 2014, Shy People barely exists. READ MORE


Every Job I’ve Had: Indoor Bouncy House, Defense Contractor, Traveling Nerd

bouncy castleFront Desk at Surprisingly Sketchy Kids Indoor Bouncy House, 2007, $8.50/hour

My first and most colorful job. Also the only time I’ve ever been fired. I remember my mom dropping me off to fill out the application while she waited in the car. I’m pretty sure I was wearing a three-piece suit at the time, because that’s totally what you do for job interviews, right? Anyway, they were looking for people and I guess I looked eager enough.

Every weekday I walked about two miles round-trip in the Southwest desert heat for my never-more-than-four-hour shift. I liked hanging out with the families and kids even though I always ended up coming home smelling like feet. Usually I opened the store, blowing up the bouncy palace and obstacle course, before calling parents to finalize their kids’ birthday party plans. (“Chocolate or vanilla sheet cake?” “Yes of course we’d be happy to book Spongebob for little Suzie.”) Most of my downtime was spent doing data entry or cleaning up the back room where every once in a while I’d hide out and eat cold leftover pizza.

Working there, I quickly learned the first rule of kid-related employment: Everyone at these jobs are super weird. It’s a universal rule, like some sort of ISO standard for hiring that makes sure only sufficiently crazy people are allowed near kids (exceptions for schools and child care, maybe). Summer camp? The cook is feeding you stray cats. Build-a-Bear employee? Shaves his leg hair right into the cotton stuffing pools. Don’t even get me started on costumed cartoon characters. READ MORE


Grouper, "Call Across Rooms"

There is depressive music that tightens the girdle of neuroses around your brain and then depressive music that loosens it. Music that forces you to stare at the ceiling and music that lets you close your eyes for a minute. Music to breath in, music to breath out. A whole rich taxonomy, probably, with fans too lethargic to write it.


"In the war between a sensitive nose and the city streets, the streets have the upper hand, assailing the nose with the odors of urine, decomposing garbage and clammy armpits. Mouth breathing is not only acceptable, but often necessary."


New York City, September 10, 2014

weather review sky 091014★★★★ Pigeons were bathing in the top of the fountain, getting into it, coming up drenched and ruffled. The sky was blue but with a discoloring haze low down it it. Some squares of the sidewalk had a shine on them. Long sleeves felt appropriate, though evidently so did shorts. It was too soon for jeans. Unexpected dirty gray cumulus intruded on the nice sky—looming to the east, lurking behind water towers to the north. A grubby cloud was nearly overhead while the grim fanatics and the agitated counterfanatics took up their positions on the street corners. Warm enough for skivvies, or for gender-nonconforming scanty things. The event moved on; the clouds went back to healthy white.


A Poem by Lisa Cattrone

Trash Talk

Your mother could pull a fresh squid from a lumberjack.

Your mother took a train to Milpitas.

Your mother is so dumb she unearthed Spinoza’s glass joke box instead of Spinoza.

Your mother took a whole hour to run blue veins in a vinegar wash.

Your mother folded the liver of a sparrow.

Your mother couldn’t help me find Orion.

Your mother has a burnt-out black-light in her mouth.

Your mother came from the north where the geese run wild.

Your mother is not a stranger to me.

Your mother could have slit solar guts out of an alpaca.

No one’s ever seen your mother. READ MORE


Truls, "TRVLS"

Soaring, almost presumptuously confident pop music. Pristine production, accompanied by a victory-lap tour video with huge, adoring crowds. But then: "Truls?" The answer to any questions you might have here is Norway. (Thanks, Jenna.)


Objects Uncovered During the Excavation of Your Childhood Bedroom

found_1 READ MORE


Aziz Ansari on Selling Out Madison Square Garden and the Business Side of Comedy

Aziz Ansari might be a TV star on NBC's five-year favorite Parks and Recreation and soon-to-be published author, but performing live standup has always been his main love. Ansari recently finished up several dates on the Oddball tour and kicked off his own tour, Aziz Ansari Live!, becoming only the seventh comedian to sell out New York City's Madison Square Garden in the process. I recently got the chance to talk with Ansari all about his new tour as well as what it feels like to sell out the Garden, how he's working to make buying tickets a stress-free experience, and what we can expect from next year's series finale of Parks and Rec.

Before I ask you about the tour, congratulations on selling out Madison Square Garden. That must feel pretty great.

Yeah, it's insane, I can't believe that happened. I'm very excited.

It's a huge accomplishment. Do you set specific goals for yourself and your comedy career, or are you more of a day-to-day type of person?

I'd say I'm more of a day-to-day person. I couldn't imagine that I'd get to play the Garden or something like that when I started out doing comedy. I didn't even think I'd get to do theaters or anything, so I feel fortunate enough to even have that experience. So to do the Garden is not something I had on a to-do list or anything. I could've done the Garden on my last tour because I ended up doing enough shows—I did a few shows at the Beacon, I did Carnegie Hall, I did Apollo—and when you added up all of those tickets it ended up being 10,000 or 12,000 so I knew I could've done at least one show. So I was thinking about whether I wanted to do it and I told a couple friends; I was like "I'm not sure if I want to do a run at the Beacon, or I could do the Garden…" and they were like "What!? You could do Madison Square Garden?" So every time I got that crazy reaction I was like you know what, I should do it—it would be such a crazy thing to get to do in my life. So I set it up, and then when I saw it sold out I was like "Holy shit." READ MORE