Former Salon editor-in-chief Kerry Lauerman’s secret Lerer-supported “content plus commerce” startup has been revealed — they were waiting for their Techcrunch exclusive blog post, which they now have. Because that’s how you get readers! OH WE KID. Anyway, it’s about kittens and hamburgers, and which one you should eat or not! Money quote: “Look at the front of The New York Times — they have a significant animal story on the front page every week. It’s our plan to launch a site to try to own that topic.” (Well, not this week, there isn’t one trending, but that’s just because they went so big with their recent People DO IT On Campus story.)

The forthcoming Animal Web Wars will take place between The Dodo, BuzzFeed, the Cheezburger network, the Catster properties et al and minor out-of-market contenders like PopSci, which works the animal beat pretty hard, but also Legacy Olde Media. For instance, Times honcho Jill Abramson and her puppy book action has at times straight-up owned that animal beat.

The Animals. It’s business. Some questions. How much animal can the Internet contain? Dumb question. All the animal. Animal is limitless vertical. Animal is Internet. Sponsored litterbox. Revenue affiliate dog pound. The Big Pet Food Industrial Complex is beyond ready. What say Techcrunch: “A place to be entertained, learn and maybe even shop, without a polarizing agenda that could alienate readers.” No pet owner likes to be polarized. What is a Lerer: “Bedrocket Media Ventures is a disruptive media company creating the next generation of great entertainment in the cloud.” What Are The Sources Of Cat? 52% of cat owners own more than one cat. That’s 86 million cats. None of those cats are in the cloud. Yet. Each is entertaining. They must crap somewhere. So must you. PetFood Direct’s affiliate commission starts at 9%.

It is almost like we want something terrible to happen to us. We certainly deserve it.

“It’s easier for me to identify with Trayvon Martin than George Zimmerman. As a teenager, I discovered what it was like to be hassled by a strange community’s Neighborhood Watch, whose members once profiled me and my beat-up car with the Grateful Dead stickers parked on their leafy street after dark.”

This Was Supposed To Be A Review Of The Movie ‘Pacific Rim’ But It’s Mostly A Review Of My Above-Ground Swimming Pool, But ‘Pacific Rim’ Is Crazy, Man!

Wowee, America* I am having a super-fantastic summer, seriously, I fixed the vinyl liner in my above-ground pool and now I can go swimming whenever I want, which is really great because of how hot it has been, which summer-wise, is a plus, the hot, and being able to come home all hot and bothered and then slip into a cool pool and a cold beer is very satisfying, in a totally Suburban way, which is not a disparagement of Suburbanites, because I live in a City, but it’s just kinda like a Suburban thing to have a pool, even though mine overlooks the alley and there are feral cats and rats (which I guess are also feral) and cracky-looking guys with weedwackers asking people if they want their lawn trimmed, which in my neighborhood, the lawns are so teensy-weensy you can trim them with a wacker, an electric one, even. The pool is kinda small (8’ x 12’ x 52″) and it’s 3000 gallons, which is about the size of one of those big fish tanks movie drug dealers (and probably real ones I guess) like to have in their castles, but I’m not a good swimmer so it all kinda works out, I can paddle around a little and not worry about drowning. Man, floating on a floaty thing in my tiny-ass pool, chillin’ with a Shiner Red Ruby beer (which some people don’t like because it is grapefruity, but I find it to be most refreshing), it’s night time and I can see the sky and maybe some stars, maybe listen to some music or a ball game, with the sound of traffic behind it all, that’s shit you capture in your mind for when it all goes south, you know? Hey, how is your summer going?

Right so, that asterisk: I am trying to cut down on my cursing a little, so now instead of a Curse, I say “America” a lot, although I am noticing that I have started saying “fuckin’ America, man,” which I have determined is a sort of inversion of “America: Fuck Yeah” from the South Park terrorism movie with the puppets, man, that was a good movie, they shoulda made a sequel, you know? I was super-jacked to see the Fast and Furious movie that came out a little while ago, but I got busy and never made it. I bet it was exactly what I think it is, so it’s almost like I don’t even have to see it, but I still want to see it, you know? I saw the Superman movie, and that was pretty good, if you like comic book movies, which it seems America really likes. I meant America-America that time and not a plug-in for a swear.

No offense to those two movies, but I just saw Pacific Rim and that is totally the official American Summer Blockbuster of my American Summer, seriously.

It is a movie that features giant robots fighting giant dino-looking monsters, and the robots have people inside them working them like puppets, so they really technically aren’t robots, they are more like giant puppets, but try getting a movie made where you are pitching giant puppets fighting giant monsters, and you’d get laughed right out of the elevator, right?

I’m not kidding about this movie, it’s INSANE, America, the fighting, and you have Suspended your Disbelief to believe you are looking at puppets that are as tall as skyscrapers, and they are America kicking hell out of everything, Collateral Damage to the infinity, man, buildings, trains, boats, and the monsters are really good fighters and some of them sound like Godzilla, a little, with that sorta train-whistle/elephant noise, and they are very bad and destroy everything, and every once in awhile you’re sitting in the movie thinking, “I am watching some puppets, or maybe some people dressed up like giant robotic puppets, beating the living crap out of each other, and this is kinda silly,” but it’s nowhere near as silly as the end of that last Batman movie where two guys in goofy costumes were beating the tar out of each other, and I dunno, man, there’s something about how it’s just straight-up unreal that makes it more real, like you get inside of the unreal and wear it like a giant robot monster suit.

I mean, America, you can imagine how dopey some of the words are, the actors have to say to each other, in the moments of acting as if they are pilots of giant dinosaur-fighting machinery, but then all of a sudden THERE’S A GIANT MONSTER! AMERICA! AND NOW THEY’RE SLUGGING IT OUT ON THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA! LOOKOUT GIANT ROBOT, THAT THING’S TAIL HAS AN EXTRA BRAIN IN IT! AND IT KNOWS HOW TO FIGHT! AMERICA!!! The fight scenes in this movie are Hallucinatory, America, you will be tripping balls as if you are on some sort of psychedelic mind-altering dope, even if you have never done such a thing, this movie is NUTS. It’s also kinda boring in the middle, but then America gets real, and you will get caught up in it, right after you were thinking how silly it is. I can’t recommend this movie more, America, especially if it’s a sweltering hot day and you are seeking refuge in a dark, air-conditioned movie theater, and you want to forget about America for a coupla hours, dive into this Pacific Rim.

Mr. Wrong can converse with you via many medias. Photo by “Jebb.”

“It’s very rare in the U.K. to have a national police operation of this kind. The others are for drug trafficking, human trafficking, and football hooliganism.”
 — You can try to guess but it is probably just easier to click and see.

by Megan L. Wood

The first time I heard someone who lived in New York emphasize how important it is to get out of the city in the summer, I rolled my eyes. Now, I start party conversations by asking attractive men if they are “getting out” this summer, as if we live in Sing Sing and not Carroll Gardens. Anyway, it’s really important to get out of the city in the summer you guys, you know, to avoid the crowds and the heat. Here’s a quick list of fun outdoor activities within 90 miles of Los Angeles and New York City.

From Los Angeles:

Channel Islands National Park (66.8 miles)

Isn’t it strange that people who live in Los Angeles avoid the city’s beaches like they’re covered in hypodermic needles? Oh, they are? That’s reasonable then. To get to the Channel Islands you’ll obviously drive your car, and then take a boat. Once you’re there you can snorkel, hike, dive, kayak, and take photos to upload on Instagram. Some people call the islands the Galapagos of North America because of their animal diversity and pristine beauty, but some people call it standing on line instead of standing in line, so you really have to arrive at your own conclusions. Bring sunscreen and food, which is good advice for everywhere. Photo: flickr user Ken Lund

Disneyland (27.8 miles)

Disneyland is different than Disney World, which is located in Florida, though both parks claim to be the happiest place on Earth which is just not possible if you think about it. Regardless, if you have children or friends who act like children then you’d probably be pretty into the Alice in Wonderland ride or the Finding Nemo Submarine Voyage. Personally, I would spend a good deal of time with Ariel’s Undersea Adventure because I was way into mermaids in first grade, and thinking about defying my dad by running away with a prince who didn’t say much. It’s a bonus that the park is open until midnight in the summer. Photo: flickr user: Sean MacEntee

Cielo Malibu Estate Vineyard (37.7 miles)

Do you have one friend who doesn’t really like to drink but does love fresh air and would enjoy admiring wine country while you got slowly drunk on a cabernet flight? Me, too. Maybe we have the same friend? Sign that friend up to be your sober driver (you should really buy them lunch as a thank you) and head to Cielo Malibu Estate Vineyard. On Sundays they have brunch from 9 to 12 and we all know that brunch is code for “acceptable to drink before noon.” The olive trees are really beautiful and if you squint you can pretend you’re in Italy. Photo: flickr user: kthread

From New York

Bear Mountain State Park (42.5 miles)

Don’t worry, you probably won’t see any actual bears at Bear Mountain State Park. Mostly, you’ll see lots of other New Yorkers while you swim and hike. The now infamous (thanks Mark Sanford) Appalachian Trail runs through the park and there are views of Manhattan. You should definitely bring a picnic lunch and yell out “bear!” to see if other people look and or try to take a photo of it with their phones. They definitely will. Photo: flickr user: rachel in wonderland

Jones Beach (39.5 miles)

Yeah, it’s great to chime in on the Brighton Beach versus Rockaway Beach debate, but everyone already knows that borscht is not as great as tacos. It’s time to add a third best beach contender with Jones Beach in Long Island which has almost seven miles of sand, a boardwalk, food court, mini golf course, and two swimming pools if you’re really afraid of the ocean or whatever. Probably you should get over that. Photo: flickr user Hans J E

Woodbury Commons Premium Outlet Malls (45.8 miles)

Technically, you’re outdoors while you walk in and out of the 220 shops at the mall, so I don’t want to hear that this isn’t an outside activity. Plus, you won’t be missing the thick puddle of humidity we call summer air when you’re breathing normally inside an air conditioned environment with discount designer fashions in front of you. Summer is basically over after the 4th of July anyway, so now’s the time to stock up on jeans and boots. Photo: flickr user: Joe Shlabotnik

Top photo: flickr user Jake Sutton

What’s more surprising to you, that Neil Patrick Harris turns 40 today or that Helen Hunt turns 50? Or that you are whatever age you are now and death creeps ever closer? It could also be a tie, I guess.

Heat. Wave.

Is this “the ultimate moon shot”? As it doesn’t show the moon being exploded into millions of little stupid moon pieces that will then float off into space unmourned, never to reassemble themselves, I’m going to say “no,” but your mileage may vary.

Goldfrapp — Drew from Mute on Vimeo.

I know it’s unpleasant out there right now, but if we can just hold out until September there will be a new Goldfrapp record to cool us off. In the meantime, dress appropriately.