Why do people make lists-just to torture readers? (Heh. Of course. Yes.) So this list of the 100 greatest scifi and fantasy books can only make one crazy. (Containing as it does no Roger Zelazny even-or Iain M. Banks?)

A scene from last night’s Golden Globe awards: “Notorious rapist climbs stage, is met with applause and loving jokes about how he could beat folks up (for example, prior to and/or while raping them). Movie featuring notorious rapist, which is about the hilarity of roofies, hating women who don’t and/or do have sex, and Zach Galifianakis maybe being a registered sex offender (HA! Just like that one guy in the movie who IS A RAPIST, IN REAL LIFE) wins award for Best Comedy. More jokes about awesomeness of notorious rapist ensue; warm-hearted applause for notorious rapist resounds throughout the theater.” For more about the Golden Globes ceremony, read this.

Everyone is doing everything they can to help Haiti-including Royal Caribbean cruises, who did not cancel two of their cruise ships planned dockings on the northern-most shore of Haiti. “In the end, Labadee is critical to Haiti’s recovery; hundreds of people rely on Labadee for their livelihood,” said the company’s VP. Writes the Guardian: “The decision to go ahead with the visit has divided passengers. The ships carry some food aid, and the cruise line has pledged to donate all proceeds from the visit to help stricken Haitians. But many passengers will stay aboard when they dock; one said he was ‘sickened.’” Said another cruise passenger: “It was hard enough to sit and eat a picnic lunch at Labadee before the quake, knowing how many Haitians were starving. I can’t imagine having to choke down a burger there now.’’

• George Bush unable to not read along with teleprompter/sit comfortably next to Bill Clinton in 30-second Haiti PSA.
• The Nationals mens’ free skate is today at 4:30 p.m. (EST) on NBC! Watch and try to figure out if the fruity costumes disgust you because they’re extremely gay or because they’re extremely Russian. (And: here’s Johnny Weir in the short program! Suck it, haters and Russo-phobes.)
• “New York Times Chairman Arthur Sulzberger Jr. appears close to announcing that the paper will begin charging for access to its website… The Times seems to have settled on the metered system…. “
• Finally reading that Clay Shirky essay about how women don’t promote themselves like men, which displays what a good thing it is that he’s married as otherwise he will never enjoy the company of a woman ever again.
• All that “violence” in Haiti! 1. Apparently “there was an air of violence” there! 2. Angry Haitians rudely demand that reporters “put down your camera and dig”! How dare they! 3. And let’s try this one, headlined “Haiti police fear violence, arrest troublemakers.” Oh? “Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, has a history of street violence and looting during all-too frequent bouts of political unrest and natural disaster in its volatile recent history…. But Haiti’s feared gangs do not appear to be terrorizing the streets as they have in the past.” Hence this whole article about things that are not happening.
• Things we missed this week: “If you visit a rich and fashionable British household these days, you’ll see something that has never existed before in the civilised world — an active dislike of old objects, or signs of human existence previous to their own.”
• Elsewhere in Knifecrime Island: “There are children today who are more likely to see their dad drunk than doing a day’s work.”

by Julie Klausner

Young Sherlock Holmes
Why: Walked into the wrong movie theater; had intended to see Spies like Us.

Lorenzo’s Oil
Why: It’s about a child dying!

Tomb Raider
Why: Not as kitschy as Barb Wire.

The English Patient
Why: Not as kitschy as Barb Wire.

Iron Man
Why: Caves, Gwyneth Paltrow, Burger King’s product placement in that press conference scene.

Made of Honor
Why: I only saw this because it was playing adjacent to the theater showing Iron Man. After a scene in which Patrick Dempsey bemoans his date’s rejection of the cute things he used to do with his last girlfriend, like waiting on long lines for pastries, I decided instead to sit quietly in the lobby of the AMC Lincoln Plaza and wait for my friend to get out of his superhero movie. I didn’t even have a book to read. I just sat there!

Julie Klausner!

I have been very much enjoying Kia Matthews’ Very Scientific White Girl v. Black Girl Online Dating Site Experiment. For it, she posted profiles of both a little white woman and of herself-and then watched the responses from hot and bothered men come flooding in… to the white woman. Yes, there are many potential, undefined variables in this experiment, which she is quite clear about up front. And yes, it is also actually fascinating. Part four, published today, deals with word count of responses and education level of responders. The data may (not) surprise you. (Also, you can begin at the beginning and continue here and then here.)

The final total for Mike Bloomberg’s re-election campaign comes in at $108,371,685.01, or $185.10 for each vote he received. Top campaign strategists Bradley Tusk, Howard Wolfson, and Patti Harris all picked up a $400,000 bonus, which seems like a lot of money until you consider how much work they had to put in convincing a deeply credulous press corps that this thing was going to be a blowout. Nice job, everyone!

Here are some cow-free recipes for those of you who are afraid of ground beef. Basically, they are the handjob equivalent of hamburgers. Enjoy them with a non-alcoholic beer!

With even her own internal polls showing Martha Coakley down three points to Republican Senate candidate Scott Brown, President Obama will head to Massachusetts on Sunday to campaign with her. Peter Daou calls it a Catch-22 situation for the president, but it seems like pretty much everything is a Catch-22 situation for that guy these days.

“Friday dawned clear and calm in Haiti’s capital, but there were increasing concerns that the peace may not last. Many residents of Port-Au-Prince have not had food or water since Tuesday’s devastating 7.0-magnitude earthquake, and worries are growing about what could happen in the next few days if aid does not get in their hands quickly…. Although there is relative calm, there was sporadic looting and violence Thursday afternoon.”
-Not finding quite enough looting, CNN’s getting really hungry for some potential future looting. (Related! “Almost all of the 4,000 inmates in the capital’s main prison have escaped. ‘They obviously took advantage of this disaster,’ Marcal Izard, a spokesman for the International Red Cross, said.” Yes, why not hang tight in jail and just die of starvation?