I’m as trouble as most folks by the overwhelming scientific evidence about the damage concussions do to football players and how I can continue to enjoy the sport in light of that fact. And this Time article (and its sidebar) does a good job of explaining the situation. But, REALLY, did no one look at the links appended to various paragraphs? Because they’re kind of appalling.

This might be overstating the case just a bit, but there’s certainly something to it: “If ever there was a sign of the moral bankruptcy of Silvio Berlusconi’s government, it is the sight of a McDonald’s apron wrapped around the svelte frame of the Minister of Agriculture, Luca Zaia as he helped launch the new McItaly range of burgers. The President of the Council cavorting with young women, the allegations of shady connections, slippery financial arrangements, dubious political allegiances, and all-round dodgy dealings are as nothing when compared to this monstrous act of national betrayal.” In other Silvio Berlusconi news: “A spokesman for the Prime Minister refused to comment on the mystery surrounding his hairline.” Ah, Italia!

Zelda Rubinstein, who played Tangina in Poltergeist, which CREEPED ME THE HELL OUT AS A LITTLE KID, has died at the age of 76.

Snow! Pretty, pretty snow! So nice and wintry! (Come on, I’m trying!)

10:22 p.m. And it is over. Obama has never chanted “USA, USA, USA” before in his life. And it shows. Apart from that? I give that a pretty high marks for an ending. We don’t quit! I don’t quit! It was like a really good car commercial, back when we made cars. Still, it was nowhere near as ornate as some of the hyper-engineered Bush speeches? But it was less manipulative and therefore more persuasive. But! Now that that is concluded, we would like to hear from you in the comments, so we can know more fully what we all think of this speech tomorrow.
10:19 p.m. Oh, we found the part that could get me weepy. “The 8-year old boy in Louisiana, who just sent me his allowance and asked if I would give it to the people of Haiti.” OOF.
10:16 p.m. Are you ready? Are YOU READY? “The more that TV pundits reduce serious debates into silly arguments, and big issues into sound bites, our citizens turn away.” THIS MEDIA ANALYSIS WILL NOT STAND. (Or does it? We will discuss this more fully tomorrow.) For sure, Rachel Maddow is throwing her beer at the TV now.
10:14 p.m. In 2011, gays also get to openly be denied PTSD benefits after killing people for wars started on false pretenses. Related: when did my love for Obama, so strong 45 minutes ago, begin to evaporate?
10:13 p.m. “Eventually we are going to own Haiti and reform it into a resort full of servants.” (Too soon? Yes. Way too soon. But you know, check back in ten years.)
10:10 p.m. In just four years, we are going to secure the world’s nuclear materials! If we haven’t been nuked into oblivion.
10:08 p.m. Hey, so, we are going to support the military when they come home now. Not deny them benefits and force them to sue for the support. (Starting, you know, two whole days ago.)
10:06 p.m. AL QAEDA HAS A SPIDER ARMY NOW? Oh phew. He said “fighters.” I don’t know why I was thinking about spiders!
10:03 p.m. John Cornyn has already trashed Obama’s delivery. Issued at 9:11 p.m. (9:11 p.m.? REALLY?)
10:00 p.m. The windup to the windup: America has always had division, etc. Now someone needs to work on a version of “Every day is Election Day” for this.
9:58 p.m. Annnd he just trashed the Supreme Court, who had to sit there and eat it. The line is: “Last week, the Supreme Court reversed a century of law to open the floodgates for special interests-including foreign corporations-to spend without limit in our elections.”
9:57 p.m. It never gets old to hear it acknowledged that tax cuts for wealthy Americans over the last eight years helped destroy America. On this, you and I and the teabaggers and everyone in between can agree!
9:56 p.m. “This freeze will not take effect until next year, when the economy is stronger.” One also has to be careful with those whens….
9:54 p.m. Triple ooh, executive order creating the bipartisan Fiscal Commission that got killed by the Senate.
9:52 p.m. Double ooh! Spending freeze gets like ONE SAD GOLF CLAP.
9:51 p.m. Oooh. Record-straightening on the recent history of American finance and the vast ballooning of the deficit. This is also super-sweet.
9:49 p.m. You know what, in all seriousness? It is a good thing he is going hard on health care reform like this. We might get our “vast improvement over the status quo.” And now he is taunting the Republicans to bring him some “ideas.” This is actually pretty sweet. (And, again? Very English!)
9:46 p.m. Ha! “’Now, let’s clear a few things up.’ ORLY TAITZ LEANS FORWARD…”
9:45 p.m. Oh, haayyyy, he actually brought up this stale old topic of “health care reform”? Remember when we used to talk about that all the time? So he is taking it back to root causes. The root cause of health care reform being that health care SUCKS IT HARD in this country.
9:43 p.m. Hmm. A $10,000 tax credit for college-student-having families. And a 10% income cap on student loans. Well… for starters, colleges need their asses kicked. And THEN people need help with the college cost. ONLY AFTER the college asses are all kicked.
9:42 p.m. BTW? Get ready for the part where he talks about a young scientist. It should be v. v. heartwarming.
9:41 p.m. No one likes to hear about our friends in Columbia. No one Republican, at least.
9:39 p.m. More money for farmers! You guys, farming. Start farming. You have it MADE.
9:36p.m. So the other day it was BUDGET FREEZE and now it’s basically DRILL BABY DRILL.
9:35 p.m. This has been some engrossing TV. I just totes ate a whole bag of cheddar cheese puffs without even noticing. I feel bad.
9:33 p.m. Um there was some chanting in response to his “NO SECOND PLACE FOR AMERICA” line. Was it “USA, USA?”
9:32 p.m. Oh good. He’s addressing the “SLOW DOWN” Republican talking points. Because that was some made-up shit.
9:31 p.m. He wants a jobs bill on his desk without delay. I want a jobs bill without Tom DeLay! HI-O.
9:30 p.m. You know, the noise in the room tonight is very English. Lots of roaring? They sound like drunken English Parliament!
9:29 p.m. TRAINS? High-speed trains in… Tampa? TO WHERE? Panama City? Destin? Okay. Biden finally got something, I guess.
9:27 p.m. Uh oh. Trouble. There’s a call now for tens of millions of dollars to be given to banks to lend money? The banks that WON’T LEND MONEY? Even though they HAVE IT?
9:27 p.m. But what about us comfortable people, who no longer have any money, who don’t want to install windows and build schools (because we don’t have any real skills)?
9:26 p.m. Oh! “New Job Bill Called For.”
9:25 p.m. There are single teachers that raise two kids. Also, some businesses “are starting to hire again.” It’s true! They just get TRAMPLED by job-seekers. Overqualified, PhD-having job-seekers.
9:23 p.m. Gosh, my affections for Obama have returned. Fleetingly. Ana Marie Cox just wrote that “Okay, just consider this the ‘Wall Street BAD MAKE OBAMA ANGRY’ section.” But I think that’s a little too jaded maybe?
9:19 p.m. Okay so this is about togetherness, and unity, and the stuff like that. And? WE ALL HATED THE BANK BAILOUT? Whoa. Okay whoa. GAME? CHANGED.
9:17 p.m. I am ALSO TIRED OF THE SHOUTING AND THE PETTINESS. (Mostly my own.) But not of the partisanship. I like that part. I’m pro-difference.
9:15 p.m. For real, dawg. 2009 was the implosion of some systemic shit, and it is nice to hear that acknowledged.
9:13 p.m. J/K. This is kind of moving. And I approve of the tie even.
9:12 p.m. FUCK THIS GUY.
9:11 p.m. Aww, he’s cute, with his serious face. Sometimes I get mad at the President, but really he’s just a guy, you know?
9:10 p.m. David Cho: “Barack points too much. Barack is pointing just to start a meme. He knows people are going to take pictures.”
9:09 p.m. You guys have totally heard this new Sade song right?
9:08 p.m. OMG all the clapping. It is like the sound of a hard rain in the Tibetan hills.
9:07 p.m. Should we do this?

The Ana Marie Cox SOTU liveblog has begun over at GQ.

And Barack Obama will ask Congress (ask!) to repeal ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ in his speech tonight.

Howard Zinn is dead.

In Tucson, Arizona, people-novice hunters mostly-kill wild, stinky, tusked pigs that roam the Sonoran Desert in small packs. The name for these beasts is “javelina” (pronounced have-uh-lee-nah), and it’s my favorite example of a beautiful word for an ugly thing. A girlfriend of mine once told me that, were it not a violent hog, she’d consider naming a daughter Javelina, and I didn’t disagree.

“Classy” is exactly the opposite. To summon forth “classy,” one must first smash his tongue against his teeth while simultaneously coughing up a hard “c.” Soon enough comes the “assy,” which, if spoken without due diligence, can make anyone, regardless of origin, sound like a Fran Drescher caricature. File it between irregular verbs and Mandarin in the ever-growing case against the English language: while the name of some dusty, rotten pig trots softly through the lips, classy-more a sickening cluck than a word-is meant to connote elegance, fashion, dignity, goodness.

Perhaps, like the Black Eyed Peas, it wouldn’t be so bad were it not so frequent. As of late, however, “classy” has become inescapable, an easy go-to for opinionated yet unimaginative people the world around. Conan O’Brien’s exit from The Tonight Show was a major event for the Twitter crowd, many of whom heralded it with the hashtag “#classy.” In fact, Twitterers find a great many things classy, including P. Diddy’s son, Jay-Z’s nightclub, the Duke men’s basketball team, Barack and Michelle Obama, the Hope for Haiti telethon, Tom Hanks, red velvet cake and “older artist men who use the word darling.”

Other Twitter users sarcastically deemed Fox News classy for its decision to not air the Haiti telethon. (These days, the sarcastic use of “classy”-meaning, “not at all classy”-threatens to eclipse the word’s primary meaning.) Some more things that aren’t classy are: The Onion, Megan Fox and some guy’s girlfriend, who passed gas so loudly it rattled his bed. (He didn’t comment on whether it’s classy to Twitter your significant other’s farts.) Katy Perry is both trashy and classy.

Twitter is neither the genesis nor main offender of the classy craze. Elsewhere, in a sports story from 1915 headlined “PRINCETON DOWNS GEORGETOWN, 13 TO 0; Fumbles Disastrous for Heavy Visiting Team; Tigers Win by Classy Playing,” a New York Times reporter wrote that Princeton won because “they were better coached on the fundamentals, displayed more individual brilliance, and possessed a better kicker than the visitors.” Nowadays, the Times regularly publishes a fashion reporter, Suzy Menkes, who could be more accurately described as a “classy correspondent.” In four articles since mid-December, Menkes has found four separate things deserving of the adjective: Viktor & Rolf’s autumn 2010 collection, Salvatore Ferragamo’s autumn 2010 collection, Hermès’ image and a smattering of Louis Vuitton backpacks. Backpacks: what class.

On Amazon, classy turns up Sassy, Classy, and Still Sparkling: Celebrating Life After 50, Sassy Southern-Classy Cajun and The Legends of Wrestling-”Classy” Freddie Blassie: Listen, You Pencil Neck Geeks. In other words, something that middle-aged women, Louisiana low-country people and professional wrestlers have in common is their refinement.

They’re in great company. Because the world’s biggest celebrities of the moment are classy too, and they-the crispy, gelled cast of Jersey Shore, of course-won’t let you forget it. Short-lived Seaside Heights guidette Jolie knew she was classy the moment she was able to go two full days without humping one of her roommates. Sammi knew she was classy because she’d never wear thong underwear and a bra in a jacuzzi absolutely brimming with drunk jocks. And now, Snooki knows she’s classy because she refused to associate with Jerry Springer at some crappy casino restaurant in Connecticut.

Much like centuries of horrific racism killed Martin Luther King Jr. just as much as a bullet, the Jersey Shore kids aren’t solely responsible for the ultimate horrors of “classy”-but they’re undoubtedly its James Earl Ray.

One of the worst kids in my middle school was named Josh Arvisu. He was a squat, broad-shouldered bully, and his facial hair grew as quickly as his anger. He would strut around campus, literally throwing his weight around. If you crossed him, he’d hit you (I once watched him beat a kid up for saying that Bone Thugs-n-Harmony sucked). I remember disliking Josh for a variety of reasons, but the biggest was that I couldn’t comprehend where the hell he got off. How does a chubby kid with a mullet, a kid whose only contribution to the world was a barely there crustache, go around assessing what is and isn’t cool? Shouldn’t one have to be cool before one can tell everyone else what’s cool? Maybe David Bowie could go around kicking people’s asses for liking Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, but Josh Arvisu?

The point is that in order to have the right to use the word classy, you should first have to prove that you are, in fact, classy, which is problematic, because classy, like “sexy,” is a title that’s largely self-defined. This makes it even more silly and gross than it already is. To clarify: Obviously, classy is derived from “class,” which is defined by the Merriam-Webster English Dictionary as “a group sharing the same economic or social status.” In other words, by defining someone or something as classy, not only is a person saying, “There is a hierarchy in society that I like and in which I wholly believe,” they’re also saying that they belong to such a rarefied level of this social stratification that they get to pick and choose what is and isn’t allowed into their golden fold. Isn’t that silly and gross?

Worse still is that most all the people who regularly use the word classy-guidettes, Twitter folk, America’s first legal gigolo-would be hastily dismissed as ruffian jokes by the kinds of blue-blooded, colonizing cake-eaters they’re invoking every time they utter the term.

Conan O’Brien’s final week wasn’t classy; it was mostly dignified and occasionally temperamental. Jay-Z’s nightclub isn’t classy; it’s dark and expensive. The Jersey Shore kids definitely aren’t classy; they’re TV stereotypes who charge money to stand around dance floors. And lest I begin to sound like what I’ve just decried, I should tell you that I’m not classy either; I’m a writer-editor who once ate half a P’Zone out of the garbage. I’d just like us all to agree that because everything’s classy, nothing’s classy. And it’s about time we begin to describe the good things in our world with equally good words. Classy is lazy, inaccurate and tainted with idiotic bigotry.

You can keep calling all the bad stuff “fucking bullshit.”

Cord Jefferson is a writer-editor living in Brooklyn. His work has appeared in National Geographic, GOOD, The Root and on MTV.

“Back in the wonderful Clinton era, Matt Drudge introduced Andrew Breitbart to Arianna Huffington. At the time, Arianna was a famous conservative pundit. She was also well-known, even by 1994, as a loopy new-ager and cut-throat bitch.”
-There is so much Alex Pareeneing going on over here right now.