We’re going to talk about math and finance here, so take a deep breath. I’ll go slow for you! The big headline today is that, from 2009’s third quarter to the fourth quarter, the gross domestic product increased at an annualized rate of 5.7%. This sounds really big! So many big headlines about it. But may we put it in perspective? One of the short versions is that people had more cash, and spent more, in the final three months of the year, that they did in the previous three months. So when the Times trumpets that the “U.S. Economy Grew at Fastest Pace in 6 Years Last Quarter,” what they mean is that, in six whole years, this is the largest quarter over quarter contrast. Is this shocking? Actually it is because the previous quarter was kind of garbage. Let us instead compare to years previous. The government says: “GDP decreased 2.4 percent in 2009 (that is, from the 2008 annual level to the 2009 annual level), in contrast to an increase of 0.4 percent in 2008.” So, you know, another way to headline this announcement would be something like: “U.S. Economy Ended 2009 Only 2.4% Worse Than 2008.” Here’s how Bloomberg expressed that idea: “For all of 2009, the economy shrank 2.4 percent, the worst single-year performance since 1946.”

More than 200,000 (non-farm) jobs disappeared in the last quarter of 2009 alone. They haven’t announced the official 2009 job loss numbers yet, but we can estimate.

216,000 in August. 53,000 in September. 190,000 in October. And so December ended the year with an unchanged official unemployment rate of 10%, or 15.3 million people. Two years ago? We ended 2007 with 7.7 million officially unemployed people, with an unemployment rate of 5%.

So yes, math tells us that official unemployment double in two years. And that doesn’t count millions of people like yours truly, who are no longer employed but cannot collect unemployment.

You see, I think, how these ahistorical, quarter-over-quarter press releases that get trumpeted on the front pages in this fashion have actually no relation to the real numbers in any kind of actual context.

Here’s the absolutely most interesting part of today’s government release, from the very bottom. Let’s read it real slow, together!

Current-dollar GDP decreased 1.3 percent, or $182.7 billion, in 2009. Current-dollar GDP increased 2.6 percent, or $363.8 billion, in 2008.

During 2009 (that is, measured from the fourth quarter of 2008 to the fourth quarter 2009), real GDP increased 0.1 percent.

That means that the last quarter of 2009 was just a tiny, smidge bit better than the also-sad fourth quarter of 2008. And you know what this means? It means that year over year, in 2009 nothing good happened at all.

When you look at the real numbers, here’s what you have. (When they say “real,” they mean “measures as expressed as index numbers” with 2005, as a reference point, equal to 100.)

The Real Gross Domestic Product 2005: 100
The Real Gross Domestic Product 2007: 104.872
The Real Gross Domestic Product 2008: 105.331
The Real Gross Domestic Product 2009: 102.772

Amazing: I had no idea that the late J.D. Salinger’s son Matt starred in the 1990 film version of Captain America! I don’t know why I’m so delighted by that, but I am. Also, Ronny Cox, Ned Beatty and Darren McGavin? How did this thing disappear so quickly? (Don’t answer that, I have a pretty good idea.) Anyway, blast from the past and all.

Al-Qaeda lead singer Osama bin Laden’s latest mixtape just dropped, and it sounds like he’s looking to broaden his audience. In the message, which I had to read about several times just to make sure it wasn’t some kind of joke or parody, bin Laden blamed Western industrialized nations

for hunger, desertification and floods across the globe, and called for “drastic solutions” to global warming, and “not solutions that partially reduce the effect of climate change.”

He also wants to boycott American products and has a huge problem with dollarization.

“We should stop dealings with the dollar and get rid of it as soon as possible,” he said. “I know that this has great consequences and grave ramifications, but it is the only means to liberate humanity from slavery and dependence on America.”

So basically he’s Naomi Klein now?

by Willa Paskin

The Omg is an intensely social creature native to the savanna and abandoned urban centers. It continuously uses its five vocalizing trumpets to ululate to its kin, transmitting, as far as specialists can tell, information of limited relevance.

The Omg is an intensely social creature native to the savanna and abandoned urban centers. It continuously uses its five vocalizing trumpets to ululate to its kin, transmitting, as far as specialists can tell, information of limited relevance. The Omg’s three legs make it remarkably stable and provide excellent support for its over-developed upper body, but limit its motility. Despite the fact that the Omg can not go anywhere in a hurry, it remains unpopular with predators due to its extremely acidic blood supply.

Willa Paskin is features editor at Blackbook and a contributing writer at Double X. This is just the beginning of her new life as a cartoonist.

Yes, Axe Cop, the webcomic written by a 5-year-old and illustrated by his 29-year-old brother, is just as awesome as everyone is saying.

MSNBC Gets Billions In Stimulus Money! And Other Things David Shuster and Andrew Breitbart Scream At Each Other

DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER ON THE TV? DO YOU LIKE THE WORDS “TWITTER” AND “JAMES O’KEEFE” AND “JURY TAINTING” AND “RETRACTION”? WELL HERE YOU GO AMERICA!

More news about the growing gender equity over on Knifecrime Island: “Record numbers of women are being arrested for violent crimes, it was revealed today. Annual criminal justice statistics showed 88,139 women were arrested for violent offences in a single year — or nearly 250 every day. That is an increase of nearly 1,000 on a year earlier. At the same time, the number of men arrested for violent crimes fell by 10,000.” Do click through for the picture: It is a stock photo of a ladette with a knife. It should probably be put on the British flag.

Do polar bears belong in the zoo?
Probably, because pretty soon those are going to be the only polar bears we see.
-Richard Ellis, author of On Thin Ice: The Changing World of the Polar Bear, discusses the coming polar bear extinction.

I almost want to put this up without any context, because it is just that AMAZING, but here ya go: “The Austrian army had hoped that its new video would attract some fresh recruits. Instead, it has engendered charges of sexism and insensitivity. The clip shows shreiking young woman chasing after a tank in the hopes of going on a ‘joy ride.’” It sure does!