Will a bear eat you if he catches you fucking in the woods? It seems unlikely. That said, it is an eat-or-be-eaten world, so can you really blame the bear?

At some point soon, if he has not already, David Cameron will receive a call from President Barack Obama congratulating him on his ascension to Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. The two will speak briefly, mostly from a script affirming the Special Relationship, although perhaps they will chat about those Smiths and Radiohead CDs Cameron gave Obama back when they were both simple aspirants to office. Then David Cameron will look around his new workspace, realize what he’s signed on for, and perhaps heave a sigh that signals both anguish and relief. And then the new government will kick into action. We will probably go back to simply covering the glassings and knife crime, but this has been plenty of fun.

Who is the typical Awl commenter? Is it true that you are “Gawker refugees who like to talk about how that site isn’t what it used to be?” Do you get “[b]onus points for cleverness?” “When in doubt,” should we “assume sarcasm”? There are so many questions! Personally, I think you’re all stars! Even those of you with four-digit numbers. Love you guys!

Sam McPheeters’ interview with the very legendary Glenn Danzig is top-to-bottom amazing, perhaps in part because it inspired belligerent comments like this one: “DAMN WHAT A LOST OPPORTUNITY TO TALK THE NEW RECORD AND BOOK, BUT WE GET A CONVERSATION ABOUT SALAD?”

Hungary’s incoming prime minister, Viktor Orban, went on a little victory lap and ended up in Ord, where a third of the population is Roma. (Orban, as you well know, is the Fidesz guy; the formerly youth-driven fairy-liberal democrat party swung the other way some time ago, and the conservative group has 263 of the 386 seats in the new parliament. Also, the Jobbik party, which can safely be described as “nationalist,” now has 47.) So what’s the problem in Hungary? Mostly GYPSY CRIME.

Yes, Reuters?

Regional leaders told Orban and future Interior Minister Sandor Pinter, who also attended the forum on Tuesday, that the Roma community was a big part of the problem.

“As the population declines and schooling deteriorates, more people resort to social aid as their sole source of income,” said Barnabas Tamas, mayor of Putnok, a small town near Ozd.

“To augment that, many people have turned to crime. Public safety has worsened considerably. We feel that every day.”

So finally someone is going to figure out a solution to clean up this welfare-queen Gypsy crime problem, it sounds like. Hopefully the solution won’t be too drastic, or, you know, final!

Next week, MTV will debut the new reality show MTV Hired, which is sort of like Made with résumé counseling; young people will be given the chance to go for the job of their dreams, and taught dos and don’ts of job-hunting involving things like folding your résumé so it fits in your jacket pocket (don’t!) and knowing the nuts and bolts of the companies being applied to (do!). The candidates get interviewed and talked about behind their backs and eventually one person “wins” the job, while the others are forced back into the world of checking Craigslist and watching MTV all day. Since the term “dream job” is liberally applied in the press release, and the target audience is one that overlaps with that of Teen Cribs and the like, it shouldn’t surprise you that many of the companies where openings are being sought do things like design shoes, plan events, and write blogs that “help busy women shop online.” For some reason, the general frothiness of the pastimes involved made me think of a quote that I read from a Harvard Business Review piece:

“But boy, I don’t see employment coming back, not for years. My clients were amazed by how much productivity they could squeeze out of their people in the downturn. They’re not going to start hiring again — well, maybe temps or contract workers, but not regular, full-time employees.” As if to punctuate the thought he added, chillingly, “In fact, the CEOs are mad at their middle managers for not having eliminated more jobs earlier.”

I wonder if MTV Hired will get into the salary and benefits packages offered by these “dream jobs,” or if the mere idea of being a personal assistant to a hairstylist will help these kids transcend generational stereotypes and work hard? Or if the jobs will even exist in three months?

Perhaps I shouldn’t be such a downer. At least a TV show about people finding jobs helps people who want to work in TV find jobs, too. That is, until those new productions become less attractive to the bottom line than just rerunning South Park a couple more times a day, as MTV has been doing lately…

“We are watching the dying moments of the Labour administration,” said a BBC correspondent some moments ago. And we’ve been watching, some of us, for most of the day. Gordon Brown is expected to step out momentarily and announce that once he has been informed that a deal between the Conservatives and the Liberal Democrats is in place (there are all sorts of scenarios being bandied about) he will head to Buckingham Palace and tell the lady with the dogs that he’s stepping down as Prime Minister of Knifecrime Island. If I have to stare at that lectern in front of that black door for any longer I am going to go crazy. And yet: This has been kind of amazing to follow. It has been, I don’t know, fun, even? Every gesture analyzed, every movement scrutinized for deeper import… it’s democracy (or some form of it) in action! And here he comes. And there he goes.

Via the boys at Butt, naturally, comes this video of the Walter Van Beirendonck (badonck donck) fashion show in Berkeley over the weekend. (His previous shows have been met with gay outrage and horror. Also, somewhere Vanessa Beecroft is watching this and throwing up.) Hey, some of you have jobs, we’ll put the video of underwear-clad mens beneath the fold.

Something tells me that Lenny Dykstra’s $3,200 Craigslist offer of a framed, signed magazine article and a “personal phone call” from the plucky ex-outfielder himself is not going to be as “once in a lifetime” as it currently claims. But maybe it will be! I just hope that whoever ponies up the cash doesn’t get railroaded into a sales pitch from Nails Investments.

Advice for those of you who have jobs: Try not to work to hard if you want to live. Says Science: “Among 6,014 people followed for about 11 years, those who worked 10 or more hours a day had a 60-percent higher risk of heart-related problems, such as death due to heart disease or a non-fatal heart attack, than those who didn’t work overtime.” Of course, blah blah blah, “The researchers point out, however, that the results only show an association, not a direct causal link,” but whatever, I think the connection is pretty clear. I’m taking the rest of the day off. In fact, I’m gonna go have some heart-healthy wine, just to make sure I’m okay.