After staring down Derek Jeter’s dramatics and holding on to beat the Yankees last night, the Tampa Bay Rays have edged into first place in the American League East — although their on-field performance might not be reflected by the anemic attendance numbers put up at their cavernous home, Tropicana Field. Perhaps that lack of in-person support is why the team has decided to employ a time-tested method of getting people to look up and say “awww” in its general online direction: Cats!

Behold DJ Kitty, outfitted in team gear and being contorted in very uncomfortable ways so that it looks like he’s “scratching” the clean version of The Movement’s “Jump.” Kitties! Stadium techno! How can it go wrong? Although I do wonder if the placid expression on the cat’s face will have quite the same rallying effect as the yawping monkey that the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim rode to victory a few years back. At least the fact that someone in the team’s marketing department hung on to their copy of the much-maligned DJ Hero should pick the Rays up a few fans at Activision.

(Possibly obligatory disclaimer: I have a long-standing affection for the Rays, thanks to being indirectly in their employ a few years ago. Also, vanquishing the Yankees? Come on, who can argue against that?)

by Andrew Piccone

Tell me about your job.

I’m a costume character. I work at birthday parties, corporate events, nightclubs, conventions and more. For example I recently dressed up as a parrot for carnival theme night at a nightclub. For the record, I’m not a furry. There’s a difference between costume characters and Furries. Costume characters are for entertainment, fun, Furries are just creepy.

How did you get into it?

I’m in college right now, at Hunter for Business Marketing. I got into this to make a little money on the side while going to school. A friend of mine hooked it up. I’ve been doing it for four years.

What’s the best part about the job?

All jokes aside, when you’re working a job, and people really believe that you’re the character that you’re playing, it’s a great feeling. You’re making people happy, who doesn’t love that? When you make that connection, it’s nice to know that people appreciate the job that I’m doing.

Have you dealt with New York’s bedbug epidemic firsthand?

I’m bedbug free-thank God, I don’t even want to think about it.

What’s your opinion on Park51, the proposed community center/”mosque” in Lower Manhattan?

People should pray wherever they choose. But, under the circumstances, it’s a touchy thing. They should move to a better location, someplace less controversial. It’s a touchy situation.

What’s your favorite thing/place/neighborhood/hotspot in New York?

I love Coney Island. Something about the atmosphere there, the beach right in the middle of the city. The people there are great, it just has such a good feel to it. I don’t know if it’s old timey or what. It’s a very cool place.

What’s your least favorite thing about your job?

Sweating. Well, not the sweating, but when the sweat gets in your eyes, you can’t see! It’s dangerous! Also the occasional condescension, people who don’t appreciate what you’re doing. You get parents sometimes who ruin it for their kids, who tell them to stay away because it’s just a guy in a suit. I don’t get that. Why would you want to ruin that illusion for your kids? It’s like telling your kids that Santa Claus isn’t real. I don’t know why you’d want to do that. Kids need to have imagination. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Previously: Candice Preau, Dating Expert

Andrew Piccone is a photographer in New York City.

Buckle up, space nerds, and cue up the “Star Trek” theme song in your iPod. (Since that’s currently leading NASA’s contest to pick music for astronauts to listen to on the space shuttle’s next flight. Much cooler, though: space stoners have pushed Steppenwolf into second place.) Because, amazingly, some of you will be able to buy a ticket for a flight into low-earth orbit as soon as 2015. That’s very soon! (Although not as soon as the predicted discovery of Earth 2.)

As Reuters reports, the Boeing Company, in conjunction with Virginia-based Space Adventures will market passenger seats aboard the CST-100 space vehicle Boeing is developing for NASA.

The spacecraft could carry seven people and fly in low-Earth orbit as soon as 2015, Boeing said. The company added that potential customers could include private individuals, companies, nongovernmental organizations and U.S. federal agencies. Space Adventures said it had arranged for seven spaceflight participants to fly on eight missions to the International Space Station being built in space by the United States and Russia.

Ticket prices have not yet been set. I hope they’re less than the $35 million the Cirque du Soleil guy paid last year to blast up there out of Kazakhstan. I also hope they’ll serve honey roasted peanuts and tomato juice (which, for some reason, always tastes better in the air).

My choice in the NASA contest, “Rocket Man,” is way down the list, carrying just 0.2% of votes. But now that I’ll to be able to program my own tunes, from my own collection (iPods would be allowed on board, right? Why not?) I think I’d start off with Monster Magnet. Go stoners!

“Why people pick the Yankees over the Mariners, I don’t know. It just happened to be an article of clothing he was wearing on that particular day.”
-Seattle police spokesman Mark Jamieson discusses “a young man in a Yankees cap [who] assaulted an 81-year-old woman in her home, about 2,800 miles from Yankee Stadium, in Seattle,” in a New York Times investigation concerning the growing “trend” of criminals clad in Yankees attire.

Those of you who thought that Oprah Winfrey would celebrate her final year by extending the Olive Branch Of Harpo Productions in the direction of former book-club-scorner Jonathan Franzen can pat yourselves on the back: The Big O has decided to pick Franzen’s much-discussed tome Freedom as her final Oprah’s Book Club selection. The announcement will reportedly take place on tomorrow’s episode, so be sure to bookmark the Faces Of The Last Season Of Oprah Tumblr before then.

Never one to let a potential Franzen-related Twitter trendlet pass her by, Jennifer Weiner has already weighed in: “Daydream du jour: How awesome would it be if Franzen sat on Oprah’s couch and said he owes it all to The Secret?” she e-sighed. Jennifer, are you actually showing restraint? Or are you just editing yourself, because c’mon, there’s no way you didn’t think of In Her Shoes first.

Pedobear, the popular 4chan joke gone viral, is back in the news, and residents of Oklahoma should consider themselves warned of the dangers. (Gawker points out the major flaw in this report: the supposed “registered sex offender” in the bear suit wasn’t actually a registered sex offender at all.) It’s all very sad, and like so much else, was anticipated by satirist Chris Morris nearly a decade ago. It’s good that we’ve all grown since then.

Astronomers are predicting that the first Earth-like planet orbiting another star will be discovered sometime around next May, if recent trends in discovering extrasolar planets keep up:

Astronomers to date have found superhot gas giants and snowball-like Neptunes, with the trend toward the discovery of a planet in the habitable zone. There’s no real dispute among astronomers that the discovery of an Earth-like planet is on the cards.

[Samuel ] Arbesman and [Gregory] Laughlin have taken this data and projected it forward to predict when an Earth-like planet is likely to crop up. The results have a heavy-tailed distribution in which there is a 66 per cent probability of finding the other Earth by 2013, a 75 percent probability by 2020 but a 95 percent probability by 2264.

However, they say the median date of discovery is in early May 2011, which for various reasons is the date they emphasis in their paper.

Arbesman and Laughlin caution that the Earth-like planet may not necessarily be habitable, thanks to its potential to be a little too hot. But I’m kind of hoping they’re wrong, because now that the Extreme Makeover/Bridezillas hybrid Bridalplasty is going to exist, we’re going to really need that chance to hit Ctrl-Alt-Del on this particular iteration of the planet. See you suckers on Virgin Galactic!

[HT: Jon Solomon]

“We do not generally compare Republicans to walruses.”
–Usually Gail Collins likens Republicans to rabid otters. But the walrus analogy is a good one, too.

Forget Cricket, maybe you should get your little niece or nephew a subscription to McSweeney’s:

Parents have been warned to choose their words carefully after research indicated that children as young as four can understand irony. While previous studies has suggested that children may not appreciate sarcasm until the age of 10, the latest work shows that many develop a sophisticated knowledge of non-literal language before primary school. The report also found that many young children are confident users of irony — in news that may not come as a shock to parents who have been the butt of withering asides from their angel-faced offspring.

Even more tellingly, 72% of 6-year-olds in the study were correctly able to note that a “black fly in your chardonnay,” while undeniably unpleasant, did not approach any level of irony. The kids get it, man.

“Happy birthday, Autumn. I love you, and I hope you enjoy your Chick-fil-A.”
— Montgomery, Ill., resident Ron Hubbard, who skipped out on his daughter’s birthday in order to wait out in a parking lot and score a year’s supply of chicken, biscuits, and other fixins from a freshly opened Chik-fil-A in nearby Aurora. The newest outpost of the closed-on-Sundays fast-food emporium is the first in Chicagoland proper; it opened at 6 a.m. CT today.